to not want a male worker to take my daughter to the toilet?

[DebiDean]

Hi there,

My daughter wet herself in the nursery toilets yesterday, when I asked her about it at dinner she mentioned that it was a male worker who took her to the toilet. I spoke to a few friends about it who had different opinions about whether it was right or wrong (opinion was a 50/50 split!) and I decided that as I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would contact the nursery and explain that I would rather a female worker take her to the toilet.

I was very clear with the nursery that I was supportive of having male role models within the nursery however I felt that to maintain my daughters dignity it would be more appropriate for a female worker to take her to the toilet.

I had a rather rude reply accusing me of being discriminative and that they would refuse to discriminate against him.

I was so shocked as I do support men working with children, but felt there should be limitations within that, or the nursery should at least consider my wishes (especially as it costs me £45 a day!!!).

Whats the opinion? Any ideas of what I could/should do?

I bet those of you who think the OP isn't barking won't let your children run around outside without clothes on either.

(((((DCs))))

nope. not one person on this thread has said that.

i for one would like to see more male nursery workers and more male primary teachers. it would benefit all children to have more positive male role models on a day to day basis.

you bet wrong.

I don't get that blinks. You want more nursery workers but you want parents to be able to pick and chose which ones take their DC to the loo? (and at that age I suspect taking to the loo is more of a nursery need that a child one - not leaving them unsupervised). So what if all the parents of boys refused to let female staff take them to the loo on the grounds it would harm their sons' dignity. Or is it only girls' dignity that we have to be concerned about?

all children need dignity. its about staff being trained properly in how to handle the situation when a child is an age like the OPs child is.

a child should be able to go to toilet with any worker and whilst the worker stands at the sinks - the child goes to the loo - with the odd'everything ok' kind of mutterences

well, I don't actually have many hang ups with my kids bodies, nudity or whatever. They love to run around naked, so do I, come to that. Had to draw the line when a busload of Chinese tourists chased the naked 3 yr old along the beach taking his photos, posing like a haddy - he's such a tart!

this man was unknown to the child and so wasn't the most appropriate person to take her to the loo, especially as the OP mentioned the toilet has no cubicles. the girl was uncomfortable enough to wet herself. she has every right not to want to go to the toilet with him just as in a social setting you might not pick an adult male from a mixed group of your friend's to take your 4 year old daughter to the toilet... it's out of empathy for the child's feelings, it's not a slur on the male or an accusation of any kind.

at 4 girls can feel awkward with older males outwith their family. i'm sure some boys might too. they also might be uncomfortable with an unknown female too, who knows.

I dont really get the hostility about this. Id imagine my 4 year old dd wouldve been uncomfortable about being taken to the loo by a man she didnt know.

And in regards to male midwives, gynos ect, i always request a female nurse , i dont give a shit if people say im being sexist or whatever, i dont feel comfortable being examined by a man.

Oh I remembered you saying DD went to nursery that's all but perhaps you meant the SN school when she was 2.5.

If DD was a boy do you think you'd feel the same and would only want male staff changing his nappy. I don't know if that would work realistically though seeing as there are much less male staff working in this field.

"I dont really get the hostility about this. Id imagine my 4 year old dd wouldve been uncomfortable about being taken to the loo by a man she didnt know."

IMHO, unless it was the very first time OP was in nursery, the male nursery worker was not a "man she did not know".

OP, could you maybe clarifie that point? How long has your Dd been in that nursery with that particular person working there/

Appologies if it has been said already and I missed it.

Debidean...this is your daughter so it is your choice so the nursery should consider your wishes, everyone raises their children different and parents especially should respect that.I would think along the lines you have ...and i see someone made a comment on this page "anyone who a thinks the op isnt barking wont let their children run around outside naked".......guess what i dont because thats how i prefer to raise my children but i respect other parents different choices too.

I personally wouldnt like a guy taking dd to toilet. NOT sure about a guy taking ds to toilet. IM quite old fashioned and dont understand why any guy wouuld want to work in a kids environment.

DOnt shoot me down¬!¬!¬!

Big hug Peridot and relax...

It's a very old fashioned view that'll die out in society eventually. In the meantime, make sure you don't take your child to a nursery with a man in, and if one joins, take you child out and go to a different one.

Peridot

My son wants to work with kids, particularly disabled kids. His brother is disabled and he likes the idea of being able to help.

I don't think that a man wanting to work with kids is weird. I am pretty grateful to the guysthat have worked with my DS2.

I think you should do what you see as best and I won't flame you. But you should consider that just because you don't understand innocent men wanting to work with children does not mean it is actually odd or anything other than your own issue

Why wouldn't men want to work with kids? That's like saying men wouldn't want to have kids and spend time with them.

i wish more men worked in child care.
i am always sad that there are so few in sn care. there are a couple where dd goes to respite and dd has a lot of fun winding them up.
of course they don't do her personal care(she is 15) but if she was aboy I would expect them to.

dont understand why any guy wouuld want to work in a kids environment - why not? kids are great - funny and demanding

Why work in a nursery?

It's fun! You get to use Lego and draw stuff and crawl under things and dance stupidly and sing badly and people can't complain.

Variety! You do cooking, gardening, go for walks, use computers.

It's rewarding! Helping children talk and walk, teaching them things, seeing them grow.

It's interesting! Learning WHY they do what they do, learning better techniques of childcare, the phsycology of children.

If you find a good nursery that is.

I work in a nursery and in my personal opinion think you need more men in childcare. We used to have one who has sinced moved on to pastures new ( still childcare though) and watching the children when he was around they really benefited from it.

Dont get me wrong they benefit from having women around too but it is nice to see males in the nnursery environment.

My DS2 went to a wonderful nursery where they had several male nursery workers - they were all wonderful and I wouldn't have even thought about them having to do the nappies/toileting - in a mixed nursery how can you possibly ensure that someone of the same sex takes your child to the loo - it's clearly bonkers to be bothered.
Also - for what it's worth - I was very badly abused as a child by my stepfather - it hasn't made me over cautious - I hate the way people thing everyone is out to abuse their children!! If you're worried keep your child locked up in their room until they grow up!