to not want a male worker to take my daughter to the toilet?

[DebiDean]

Hi there,

My daughter wet herself in the nursery toilets yesterday, when I asked her about it at dinner she mentioned that it was a male worker who took her to the toilet. I spoke to a few friends about it who had different opinions about whether it was right or wrong (opinion was a 50/50 split!) and I decided that as I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would contact the nursery and explain that I would rather a female worker take her to the toilet.

I was very clear with the nursery that I was supportive of having male role models within the nursery however I felt that to maintain my daughters dignity it would be more appropriate for a female worker to take her to the toilet.

I had a rather rude reply accusing me of being discriminative and that they would refuse to discriminate against him.

I was so shocked as I do support men working with children, but felt there should be limitations within that, or the nursery should at least consider my wishes (especially as it costs me £45 a day!!!).

Whats the opinion? Any ideas of what I could/should do?

YABU

YABU for all the same reasons that have been mentioned above, if you dont like the way the nursery is run then look after her yourself! The man is employed and has gone through all the same checks that the woman have gone through, God its comments like yours that start rumours and ruin lives!

What Colditz said.

"Dignity" indeed? At nursery age? Don't make me laugh.

The man is preumably qualified. What makes him only suited to helping boys, whom he could just as easily abuse if he were that way inclined?

Should your child's father not help her in the toilet because he is male?

YABVU.

This is unbelievable.

Ooh, can I call the 'T' word? Am I allowed... never done it before!

Would you feel the same if he were a doctor or a nurse and saw your child undressed as part of his professional role?

Sorry, maybe should have said in the post that my daughter is 4 and a half and also said the reason she wet herself is because she didn't want to go to the toilet infront of the male.

If he was her key worker or even in her room at nursery I would know this male and it may not even be a problem, however he is effectively a "stranger".

I have not incinuated that this male could or would be a paedophile. There is a massive difference between abuse and dignity... If I had a concern that there was a risk of abuse my daughter would not be left there and I would contact ofsted!

My nieces special needs school operates a strict policy on male/female toilet duties as does the care home where my mother in law works. Do humans only qualify for dignity once they reach a certain age?!

Oh my fucking god. Are you a total idiot or summat ??

You do realise you have just dropped a mumsnet nuclear bomb don't you ??

You are gonna get flamed and your buttocks are gonna stiiiiinnnnnggggg !!!

Yabu btw

Havent checked but Im gonna put my neck on the line and guess DebiDean hasnt been back on?

AIBU by stealth then.

Is your daughter never in contact with male doctors Riven?

YABvvvvvvvvvU!!! I am shocked that someone just said that. I have worked in nurseries for 16years and it is so hard to emply men to work in them for the exact attitude you have. I am so disappointed that this attitude is still activite in childrens day care. I assume that if you have a boy you dont mind a woman taking him to the toilet??

Explain yourself!!!!

nothing like a bit of drip feeding

why was she so scared of going ot the loo in front of the male carer?

OMG this is unreal, Riven not a critisism just a question if your DD was a boy and not a girl would you mind the female supprts changing him?

I really don't like this we seem to be alienating men from children it seems a man can't be around a child without looking suspicious.

I have seen a boy hurt himself once and although there were some men walking past not one of them wanted to pick the kid up instead they just gave each awkward looks.

Tell me Debi would you be upset if you had a son and a woman took him to the toilet?

You have basically told the nursery you believe that man is a pedophile and you can't trust him with your child.

by far the best worker at my daughters (even more expensive than yours!) nursery is a young man. He is fabulous and I have absolutley no issues with him taking her, if necessary, to the toilet. Most bizarre...

So would you object to a male nurse or dr looking after her?
Christ, it is the fault of bloody numpties like you that hardly any men work in this field!
Would there not have been two staff members present anyway when children being changed?
In case you didn't realise you are being vvvvvvvv unreasonable!

Ladies pleeeeeeese. Could we just give Debi a chance to explain how she feels...?

I know I'm being unreasonable, but I still wouldn't like it. I just don't, not sure I can put it into words. Probably is about dignity, my dd is 5 though. Is also probably about the sexual abuse worry, and although I know that that's silly, I still feel it.

Therefore, imo YANBU.

Get a life!!
You are out of order!

Someone is caring for your child- that's all that matters.

Doesn't make any difference if they're male or female.

it's attitudes like yours that made my brother decide that rather going into pre-school care which he's fabulous at, instead to work without slightly older children - he's very good at that too - but he's really good with the little ones.

My poor DS's hey - no father around to sort 'em out - so they have me doing it all!