AIBU to want to move DD into her own room at 5 weeks?

[CucumberInMyBra]

...I just think we might all sleep better.

At the moment, she sleeps in a moses basket next to our bed. I take her into her own room during the night for nappy changes and feeds, then bring her back into our room. I think she's a really light sleeper, so any snores or duvet rustles stop her settling back to sleep. And that in turn means she's pretty noisy throughout the night! Is it really mean to want to move her so early? Should I just suck it up and wait for another month or so? (She's big and long and stretches out so she won't fit in the basket much longer than that anyway!).

And for those of you who have moved a baby into their own room, how do I go about it without disrupting things too much? Thanks!

But what if earplugs don't help, because you're stressing that you can hear them crying, when they're not, so you pull earplugs out, then can't sleep because they're grunting and moaning, so put earplugs back in, etc etc etc?! Try a few weeks of that, then make judgements about risk please.

Lady re: the risks/bedsharing and:
"Oh, of course, there are risks to being a bit tired, but none of those risks are SIDS, are they?"

the point is made in the articles above that deaths on sofas are becoming more common.. leading one of the above to comment that we have to be careful with bedsharing advice because maybe some bfing mothers are feeding on sofas/in armchairs and falling asleep when extremely tired, hence increasing the risk..

I read in a book: 'never accidentally fall asleep on a sofa with a baby'. Erm, how can you 'never' do something 'by accident'?

To me, bedsharing might be safer in this regard (assuming non-smoking/not being obese/relatively safe sleeping environment etc etc).

Totally agree with Fab- I was just to see so many replies to such a question and envisaged people picking the bones in such a way- shame I was right.

Disclaimer I am sooo not a hippy. Nor am I addressing this at any one poster.

Have none of you been around cats and dogs with kittens and puppies? Do none of your ever watch nature programmes? Mammals sleep with their babies until they can fend for themselves. It's what we do. Isn't it obvious that we are designed to sleep with our young, and look after them at night as much as in the day?

There are good evolutionary reasons for this kind of mammalian behaviour. We might not know them all yet, or understand them, true. It's pretty clear from observation of the majority of mammalian and human behaviour that the norm is to sleep with - near - your babies.

Two hundred years of cots and fifty years of central heating can't change squillions of years of evolution.

DS is 9 and I'm quite certain that the advice was to keep your baby in your room with you until 6 months. I really don't think the advice changes that often.

ThingOne - In evoloutionary terms, we would have all slept together in groups of 20-30 watched each other fuck and finished raids on other troupes by eating their babies. Arguments from evolution are a load of shit. Arguments from biology are more interesting.

Thingone - we've evolved to, on the whole, keep some offspring alive long enough to reproduce. Mice and cats and other mammals will eat the runts of their litters alive, shove crying pups away when they're too tired, don't do anything with their newborns other than lie down and feed them, peeing and pooing in place sometimes... and about 1 in 10 just die.

Thanks to heating and hygiene and vaccines and sleeping on backs, we're beating those 'natural' odds.

FWIW I slept in the lounge with ds for 6 weeks, then he was in a basket on my bed (I was taking drugs so didn't want to cosleep without the basket) for a month and on and off after that until he outgrew the basket at 5 months. I got to the stage where I figured the risk of my dropping him or doing something stupid through being overtired was probably greater than the risk of SIDS (no smokers ever were in the same room as him until he was over 6 months).

Hardest bit of parenthood, for me - realising there are risks in everything and there is no such thing as keeping ds totally safe.

Sorry haven't read whole thread so apologize if this has been said.

My children are 20 and 18 and we were given no advice then as to whether newborns should sleep in the same room (I had all the books and did ante natal classes).

My DD spent one night in our room and my DS was in his cot in his own room from 1 day old. I couldn't sleep with them snuffling etc next to me. At the time most of my friends did the same.

The SID concern at that time was whether to put them to sleep on their back or front.

Parenting advice has changed over the years so how can we be certain the the current advice is right and won't change?

I really think the OP should choose what works best for her.

DD (4) was in her own room from 7 weeks, she was sleeping through the night at this point. My quality of sleep was definately better.

I discussed this with HV at the baby clinic and there was never any mention of SIDS.

I also fed and changed in another room prior to this. My DH had to be up early and often drives 100s of miles to a job. There is a risk to driving when tired.

Just out of curiosity can I ask those of you who co-sleep or have your DCs in the room with you to an older age, how does this effect your closeness with your DH?

By ooojimaflip Tue 25-May-10 09:29:11
"You need to look at absolute risk not just relative risk. The risk of death from SIDS is approx 0.07%. Sleeping in another room puts this up to 0.14%. "

That's interesting. Both mine were in their own room at 9 weeks. I think 5 weeks would have felt a bit too soon for me. Both were bottle fed so DH and I took turns feeding, and were using the babies' rooms anyway to do so, letting the other one sleep.

Interesting about what the actual risk is. Yes you can reduce it by a lot in terms of percentage by keeping them in with you, but the risk is still tiny. We took the view that as there were no other risk factors present, we would all benefit, and we all did sleep much better as a result.

Some people say even if the risk is tiny why would you not reduce it as much as possible. I don't know what the absolute risks are of being in a car accident, but I expect we could drastically reduce them by not taking our babies out in the car. But most of us decide instead that having a very good car seat, using it properly, and driving carefully ourselves, we are reducing the risk somewhat and are prepared to leave it at that for our own convenience.

You can't get rid of all risks, so it's about making an informed choice about the balance between risks and benefits to the family.

Dd1 and 2 both slept in same room as us until they were 6-7 months in a crib by the bed (no room for a cot).

I thought the sids risk was lessened by breathing being regulated by parents breathing, helping them to maintain a regular breathing pattern. But also it was a lot easier having the baby sleeping so close, and feeding, changing etc in same room.

Dd1 was a really loud sleeper, very snuffly and wheezy, we used to have a radio turned down very low (more like white noise) which really helped distract the ear. I think it is quite a good idea if everyone can try and get used to each others sleepy noises - especially if you are going to have more children and have them share a room.

Oh and I became pregnant with dd2, when dd1 was 5 months old, so my relationship with dh didn't suffer from being in the same room as dd1!

Thanks greythorne - your reply makes perfect sense!

Personally I wouldn't move such a young baby into their own room. My 9 month old DS has only just moved into his own room in the past week, and my 2 older girls were around the same age. I would have him sleeping in our room until he was at least 2 if my hubby would let me, lol....

I put dcs into their own room from the start. If they woke up I dealt with them, with a cosy set up in their own rooms, especially as I was bfing.

DP is not selfish but can have unpredictable migraines if sleep is broken too much, and can be out of action for days. And believe me, he goes a shade of green I've never seen on anyone else when he has a migraine!

We looked at the risk factors, and decided on own rooms, everything else being fine. It's all about each family's own unique situation.

Yes the OP must do whatever is right for her and her family after weighing up all the risks and their approach to them.

It is no good people coming on here saying that their dcs all went into their own rooms from birth and were prefectly fine as thats the old 'my grandad smoked 100 fags a day and didnt die of lung cancer' argument. Completely pointless.

For us although the risk was tiny - the thought of going into a dcs room and finding out something had happened would have haunted us obv and so both dcs stayed in until they were 7-8 months.

5 weeks just feels so young and its such a short amount of time that they are a tiny baby and it whizzes past

follow up

i found mine did sleep much better when swaddled

i cant remember why exactly i took DS1 into other room to change/feed him, then again i can't remember why i felt the need to nappy change every time, instead of just dirties

like someone else said, i too literally was an innsomniac when he was right next to me. i had to go on sleeping tablets for short periods

i think also first time i heard every noise and thought it was bad. i also know now that crying for a min whilst you get sorted is not going to kill them so may not sleep as light

either way she is going over the otherside of the room and when we have a spare room in 2/3 months she can move then

just me, all are diff

omnishambles I don't think that saying that DC's left in their own rooms from day one and being fine is the same as saying 'my grandad smoked 100 fags a day and didnt die of lung cancer' argument.'

The point being that the parents are currently being told that their child is marginally less at risk from SID if they sleep in the same room. How do we know that this is right as parenting advice contantly changes. Whereas any idiot knows that smoking 100 fags a day is not good for you.

Also are you saying that no child has died of SID when sleeping in the same room? Or is it all about the guilt of it happening when in another room?

I don't want to make light of a serious issue BTW

2old4thislark - but the advice changes as more research is done and we know more about the risk factors. People didn't used to know smoking was bad for you - indeed, cigarettes were marketed as good for you! Now we know more, so advice changes. People could equally say "well advice used to be that smoking was fine, so I won't stop smoking in case the advice changes again".

If you read the SIDS advice. And then decide that you wnat to , as you consider the risk to be small, how is that not acceptable?
In many areas of parenting, we assess the risks. and decide what we think the risk is. and whether WE are comfortable with it. Thats why people feel differently about leaving their children in cars. paying for petrol, whilst leaving children. Those that do say they have thought aboutt he risks and they are happy with their decision.

I put both my ds's in their own room within days. I have also left my ds's outside, where i can't see them , in the back garden, asleep in their pushchairs. Not suggesting these to anyone. Just saying i have done it. Am comfortable and would do it again.

I don't think there's anything wrong with reading the advice, assessing the risks and then doing what you feel is best for you - I just don't understand the attitude that the advice is wrong because it used to be different.

Ladyintheradiator, do you have research showing that keeping the DC in the room until 6months halves SIDS ?

I know it reduces the risk, but thought that stronger links had been found with smoking in the same room.

Just interested because we moved DS out way before 6 months and tried to find actual specific research on the risk factor rather than just the implied correlation and couldn't find anything definitive or indeed with percentages.

I've only read the OP bust just wanted to say: No, YANBU. With my DCs, if they were in their own room then only I was disturbed when they woke to be fed meaning DH - who had to get up and work for a living - got a decent nights sleep. Also I wasn't woken by every snort & snuffle.
I slept next to them for a couple of weeks then moved back to my own room.