o say how did we ever manage without...

[yondan]

counselling.

It does seem the 'in thing' at the moment. doesn't it? What ever happened to just getting on with life? stiff upper lip and all that.

It seems that the answer to every problem on here is "get counselling'.

blueshoes - it doesn't always work, no. MY Dp has had counselling in the past which did more to damage him than anything else IMO, but that's because it was the wrong type and at the wrong time. (And mostly because he was being expected to talk about issues with other people present.)

If you are forced into having counselling when you don't want it, you aren't going to take it seriously and work through your problems. You're more likely to resent it and squirrel your problems even further inside you, making things worse. Part of the process has to be getting to a point where you are ready for the counselling yourself. Someone constantly probing at you and prompting you to talk about it if you aren't ready won't achieve anything more than making you say the 'right' things to get yourself cleared. It's a two-way process, which is partly why it is so vulnerable to negative press.

"Logically, there must be people for whom counselling was a waste of time. They are allowed their views?"

Of course, and there are a few on here who've shared their stories earlier in the thread.

Blueshoes I think its fair to say it doesn't always work, it's not for everyone or for every situation, and some people don't want it. For others it is a lifesaver. I received it as part of a package of treatment, for me it helped tremendously. The idea that it is prescribed willy nilly is a figment of the OP's limited imaginatiion.

Oh, and blueshoes, no one has ever said that counselling is Not to be Questioned

I can see how counselling has helped a lot of people.

Some people (I will have to include myself in this category) do not see the point in talking to a stranger about a problem. Any amount of probing will just make me clam up.

I am always bemused to see 'counselling' trotted out as a
solution. But I suppose it helps others.

Boys, "Oh, and blueshoes, no one has ever said that counselling is Not to be Questioned"

From the ferocity of the responses the OP got, I guess I was fooled.

I don't think anyone is saying that counselling is the Cure To Everything, nor that it should Not Be Questioned, but seeing a counsellor, even you find it doesn't help you at all, puts you on the path to getting help, or at least in contact with those who can help you. Saying it doesn't work and that it is not for you is entirely different from what the OP has so said.

I also hope that the thread isn't deleted as it does have some helpful posts about the sense and usefulness of counselling.

However, I do think that more of Yondan's posts could be removed as they are a jarring element. I have a strong suspicion that Yondan is male - just the way it writes.

blueshoes - the issues with the OP were more to do with her opinion that counselling of any sort was faddish and that people should simply get on with it. It was a blanket opinion which I and many others felt could negatively impact people who have benefited from counselling or are currently benefiting from it.

I agree that it's not for everyone, but the OP seemed to be suggesting that it wasn't for anyone, and this was what people were objecting to.

IME the person seeking counselling does have to have a level of implied trust in the counsellor, and that can only come when the counsellee (?) is in a place to actually be open and honest with the counsellor IYSWIM? The point of counselling is to allow someone to talk, unhindered and unjudged, and be guided towards solving issues themselves. Counselling is NOT a simple easy option. I don't feel it would have helped me 10 years ago as I was buried so deep in my issues I didn't know what way was up. Now however, I am ready to deal with things and having someone to talk to, who doesn't tell me what to do or how to do it, but instead helps me find out for myself what is the right course of action for me, is helping immeasurably! i am able to work stuff out myself with the right prods and hints. My counsellor is great, she helps me see the wood for the trees. I like that she doesn't talk much, but she does ask leading questions. I waffle on for an hour, and at the end of that hour i feel 10lbs lighter and have realized and dealt with something else in the long pile of crap I am facing. In my mind counselling from a professional psychologist or psychotherapist is like chemo: I am ridding myself of a poisonous cancer that was eating up my psyche. All that poison is slowly fading and it feels wonderful.

So for anyone who thinks we all ought to just have a stiff upper lip, would they say the same if they had cancer? Because I really don't see a difference between mental diseases and physical diseases. Both can kill you if left untreated.

no single intervention is a panacea,range of treatments available.just as there is range of individuals

Blue shoes Op was met with 'ferociousness' because s/he was rude and provocative as several people pointed out earlier in the thread. She has continued to be so and has become inexcusably personal and abusive. I am happy to enter into reasoned debate, but OP hasn't actually done any debating or given any kind of logic or evidence for her viewpoint.

I dont agree at all with you op - councelling is a good way for people from all walks of life to safely examine issues and live happier, more fulfilling lives. Whats wrong with that?

there was no such thing as counselling when i was that abused 8 year old,frightened child. No one to turn to. I tried to be strong and it damn near ruined my life. AD's for 30years,panic attacks,virtually total insomniac, nightmares when i do eventually sleep, sleeping tablets,lonely,untrusting,unable to make a meaningful relationships. If i had had counselling?help in my earlier years maybe i wouldnt be so lonely now.

I cracked up with severe depression and was scared to admit that i had been in a private physciatric hospital for 3 months as all the ignorant people i thought were friends,called it a looney bin.So i only confided in 2 or 3 people i knew would understand. How I feel sorry for them in their ignorant little world and their complete lack of knowledge and empathy.

Counselling is a broad term, covering a range of "talking" therapies, practiced by different professionals (Counsellors, Psychotherapists, Clinical Psychologists, and psychiatrists - though it's true to say that in Britain, Psychiatrists' main tool is medication - though they use counselling skills), for different problems

There is evidence that some approaches work better for some problems than for others eg CBT is effective in the treatment of mild-moderate depression, OCD and phobias.

But as someone said, the skill and rapport built with the counsellor is a large factor. Counselling is not going to be helpful for everyone, and sometimes it is undertaken at the "wrong" time.

I was never questioning the OPs right to debate this , but the manner in which s/he did it, and her apparent inability or unwillingness to respond to what other (knowledgeable) people were sharing, suggested to me that she was out to wind people up rather than educate/debate or be educated.

sorry - above was in reply to blueshoes

Alypaly - thank you for your post. It's a shame there is so much fear and prejudice still around where mental health issues are concerned.

I don't know. I've never had any.

I've had an average amount of bad stuff happen I suppose and I had PND for ages but I just holed up and dealt with it myself, with the occasional nudge from friends. My choice completely.

Perhaps my attitude is old fashioned/ill advised but hell would freeze over before I could share that sort of stuff with a stranger face-to-face. I could never be comfortable with it.

If my ds needed it, then I'd be quick to find it for him, but not for me.

OP I have asked twice so this is the third time

What would you do instead?

I have seen you reply talk to a mate to another poster however you have not commented upon the come back to this that your mate is likely to want to give you advice, counselling is about providing a safe place to speak what is bothering you and in certain types of counselling to gently challenge how you look things but as a key thing counsellors NEVER give advice.

So what would you do and what about those whom havent got a friend/mate to talk to one of the lowest moments in my life was when we moved nearly 3 years ago. The move was fantastic the new house was fab but after about 3 months I was so completely lonely no one were around I could call up and say lets have a coffee too no one rang me and said fancy lunch? Can you collect my kids from school. Now near 3 years on yes that has somewhat sorted but at the time I didnt have a mate I could turn to, if around that time my grandfather had died (and not the year before we moved) I think there is a huge chance I would have struggled to deal with that grief and counselling may well have been the way forward.

So asking again what would you do? not everyone has a mate that will listen.

Lonnie - s/he won't reply in any sensible way

Lonnie is that you - the Lonnie from BW from years ago???? if so hello!!! If not.........ignore me