o say how did we ever manage without...

[yondan]

counselling.

It does seem the 'in thing' at the moment. doesn't it? What ever happened to just getting on with life? stiff upper lip and all that.

It seems that the answer to every problem on here is "get counselling'.

maamruby - decompression still alive and kicking post op-tour near you

i did the stiff upper lip thing for six years after my daughter was brain damaged, and i did a damn good job of coping. except that i could keep the world running, but was really unable to do anything for myself at all - call it maternal guilt or whatever.

the only time i ever cried was at the counselling sessions. it may seem a terribly indulgent thing to do, but it was an enormous relief not to have to be the one coping for 30 minutes.

in an ideal world, i wouldn't have felt the need to 'cope' of course. it was only through talking to the counsellor that i realised that it was a role i had assumed - my mother had a series of disabling strokes when i was a child, and my husband suffered a near-fatal head injury when i was pg with dc2... both situations where i was advised by family and health professionals not to let them worry/ take on too much.

in fact by the time i had brain-damaged dc3, coping had just become a way of life. so of course i wasn't asking for help.

counselling can be a way for you to work out why you can't see the wood for the trees

that makes no sense, does it... call it letting the lid off the pressure cooker in the nick of time.

yabu
it helped ds
so jog on

YABVVVVVU

and an Idiot.

You are obviously trying to get a reaction with such a ridiculous statement, so here is mine..

FUCK OFF and then fuck off some more.

Conselling helps so many people. I would have gone mad without it.

Awakenings - I have..

I had fertility counselling when I was just about to undergo fertility treatment - basically we have been delayed for 2 years due to my weight and when there was another delay put in, I crakced up and asked for help - the counsellor was lovely but basically I sat for hours and nattered about my sister and our dysfunctional relationship and it resolved nothing.

I had PTSD after my DD2 was born and not onl;y had the birth trauma, but my DH was suffering badly from MH issues and I resented him a great deal about this - I went to counselling for an hour a week for about 8 weeks until I was basically told that all my problems were related to how my DH treated me because he was ill, and if I wasn't going to leave him then nothing could be done - no matter how much I asked for help I couldn;t get any help fopr him without HIM acknowledging that he needed it.

I also had PND after DD1 - I attended a wonderful PND group which became an important part of my life - that again was group therapy...I loved the break from my babay and the constant tea, but I don;t think it helped my recovery at all...

I honestly don;t think counselling has ever helped me and I'd be reluctant to try it again.

I'm now on medication to help me cope with my Dh's MH issues

Not sure why I deserve such abuse from MN's usual bullies. I haven't been abusive or rude to anyone.

I think you need some counselling to understand just why you have been so offensive, yondan

Bonsoir

Clearly I do.

Which "usual bullies" would these be, then Yondan?
And, to be frank, you have had extremely little abuse, which, given the offensiveness of your op, is amazing.

You haven't been abusive or rude but, dare I say it, you have been quite insensitive.

Counselling is something which is recommended after huge, life-changing events and which can literally save lives. It would logically follow that the people who feel the need to comment on this thread are those in need of/receipt of counselling who find your OP very insensitive to their circumstances and are (sorry if I offend anyone) in emotionally difficult places and possibly not able to react rationally to what can be perceived as an attack on people who genuinely need some form of therapy jumping on some kind of bandwagon.

I do agree with those who have pointed out that counselling is nowhere near 'the in thing at the moment' and that the 'stiff upper lip' approach isn't necessarily A Good Thing. A lot of the time people need to have it pointed out to them that some form of counselling (be it professional help, spiritual guidance, peer support or just talking things through with a friend) might be a good idea. Those who benefit from it most often feel isolated, possibly because they're ashamed to talk about whatever it is to their friends or lack friends to talk to.

Mental health is just as important as physical health. When antibiotics were introduced people probably said the same sort of thing about going to the doctor to get a pill to cure something that historically you'd have worked through/rested a bit for and yes, I dare say antibiotics were overprescribed a bit as a new technology because they were expected to cure everything, but better to overprescribe than say 'you'll live' when you have typhoid.

Your opening post was very rude Yondan. I think on the whole, people have given you explanatory answers and given you more than the time of day. You must have known (given that you state in your post many people on here recommend counselling) that you would challenged on your view.

I personally think posting an obviously provocative OP and then crying bully when people disagree with you or take offense, is a bit lame.

I had counselling at a very difficult period in my life 13-14 years ago, it helped me immensely but only about 3 people in the whole world (other than the counsellor) know that I had it, because (and I am not proud of this) I feel somewhat ashamed to admit that I needed the help.

Luckily, one of the three who knows is my DH, so whenever I crumble a bit, he knows what happened before and that I just need to be given some space and time to re-boot.

But no other family member does. (Wrongly) I feel that they would think less of me. I have been the one that they all say "Oh, she'll be alright, she's as tough as old boots her, a really do-er, go-getter, nothing puts her down".

Nothing could be further from the truth, sadly, but whenever I feel a bit crap or rubbish about stuff, I think back to the counselling and I calm myself and just knowing that I went through that process and mentally fixed myself helps me now to fix myself too, just a bit.

You were very rude, and offensive to many people on here who have suffered various horrible circumstances which have led them to need therapies of different sorts. And am interested to see who you feel are the "usual bullies".

Snort at usual bullies. Is that people who disagree with you and tell you to your face that you are rude and insensitive?

I've gone through massive trauma in recent years.

I was diagnosed with cancer after suffering with intense pain for many months. Then secondary cancer. I was hospitalised with sepsis. I was extremely sick over a long period of time with chemotherapy. My vagina was damaged and I have not been able to have sex for more than four years. Other operations left me with other body issues. It's been shit.

I haven't worked now for five years. I am desperate to do something other than wash clothes and dishes.

I do talk to my friends. I did talk to my priest but he moved away. But you can't burden your friends and family all the time with the bad stuff. They disappear pretty rapidly if you do that anyway. And who on earth would want everybody they know to be chatting about the state of her fanjo? Depressed I may have been but I still ahd enough sense to know it was not going to help any possible future sex life if I talked endlessly to my husband about how hideous I felt my body was. So a counsellor it had to be. God bless the NHS.

No I was not rude, nor was I offensive. I offered an opinion. Using expletives is offensive.

Yondan your OP suggested that people who use counselling are somehow 'jumping on a bandwagon', or too weak to just get on with it. Many people have explained to you quite reasonably why this is not the case.

You were rude, and wrong, using expletives is not the only way to be offensive, you managed without.

Well I don't agree that you weren't offensive - people took offence.

Your opinion, even if you didn't explicitly state it, is that people should just get on with it and that counselling is offered too readily and for every little thing - this is offensive to people who need and have needed counselling. You belittle their needs and their sense of self-worth by your opinion that they should be able to just "stiffen their upper lip" - and that is offensive.

There are more ways to be offensive than just swearing.

Yondan

what would you do instead? (genuinly interested)

thumbwitch

I think if people can go to pieces over my above statement then that sort of proves my point, doesn't it?

Of course, for those like poorlyfanjo, then I agree that perhaps my statement could be interpreted by some senstive souls as being offensive. I really was not appertaining to those people with serious illnesses, perhaps I should have listed a long list of exceptions. I merely meant that counselling seems to be reccommeded for the most trivual of issues.

What, 'trivial issues' yondan? Depression? Bereavement? Marriage problems?

Why don't YOU tell us what counselling SHOULD be used for.

No one is 'going to pieces'...you're just insensitive, and you DID choose to post this to get a reaction...what did you expect? Agreement??

No one has "gone to pieces" on this thread - what a ridiculous thing to say! Carry on, you're burying yourself, tbh.

But how do you define trivial?

For one person moving house is something to take in their stride, for another it's intensely traumatic.

"What ever happened to just getting on with life?"

Nooo, not offensive at all Much.

I have depression, have had for over 10 years now. I'd love to just "get on with life", except I can't. And your statement is in line with the same offensive drivel I hear all the time about how I should just pull myself together, and every other ridiculous cliche.

Does that make me a "sensitive soul"? (yet again, not offensive, my arse) You have just poked and prodded a particularly emotive and upsetting issue. For all the recommendations of counselling, due you know how hard it is to get that help? I think if you did you'd never even dream of saying the things you have said.