o say how did we ever manage without...

[yondan]

counselling.

It does seem the 'in thing' at the moment. doesn't it? What ever happened to just getting on with life? stiff upper lip and all that.

It seems that the answer to every problem on here is "get counselling'.

Also, wrt trivial things.

Would you say bread counts as trivial? Look at it from an anorexics view point - it's the most frightening thing in the world.

Just because you think it's trivial, doesn't make it so for everyone.

I really don't get your gripe OP. No one has gone to pieces, we're simply answering your posts. Its really not up to one person to judge another's trivial or serious, if people find something helpful then what exactly is your problem?

I've had counselling, it helped me immensely, spared my family from a great deal of upset which I wasn't prepared to burden them with, and allowed me to start getting my life back together in difficult circumstances. If you don't want it, don't have it, but others should be allowed to choose differently surely?

trivial issues such as?

glad you have had such an easy life yondan.

a lot of people on here have explained why they have had counselling. i think you owe them an acknowledgement at the very least.

I suspect yondan is a journalist or wind-up merchant. Don't give her any more information about your lives and upset yourselves. I don't think she's going to some back here and re-assess her view

come back here

Yondan I ask again

what would you do instead?

Obviously you're right, OP. I've never needed counselling, I've always "just got on with life" so it stands to reason that everyone else must do the same.

Oh, wait... maybe that's because I've just been bloody lucky and never had to deal with anything traumatic or overwhelming.
Try switching places with someone who has had counselling for something you consider 'trivial' and then feel free to comment.

Oh, good point Jamie - perhaps it's JSP "researching" for her follow-up article to the depression one. Obviously didn't offend enough people with the first one.

yes, I wouldn't lay my experiences/emotions on a plate to someone who started a thread like this

It's not worth it

Yondan. I see you suggested on a different thread that someone sought an "anger management" course. Is this not a type of counselling then?

If a member of your family or friends comes to you with a problem is your best advice really to grow a stiff upper lip? Is that how you have coped with life's ups and downs?

OP I had a stiff upper lip about many aspects of my childhood and life thus far until something that was quite trivial turned out to be the straw that broke the camels back. Counselling has helped me start to piece together everything that fell apart. Without it I really think I would be in a Very Bad Place now, instead of being a fairly "normal" functioning human being. Being able to talk to someone about my life, free from judgement and guilt, has meant I can admit to all the trauma I have gone through and deal with all the toxic emotions I have kept under wraps in order to maintain the stiff upper lip you talk about.

I think if counselling HELPS someone then it should be used no matter what the original issue is IYSWIM. What is trivial to you might be devastating to someone else. We are all different and we all deserve whatever help we need in order to keep ourselves healthy, whether physically or mentally.

Yondan, have you tried some kind of talking therapy in order to get over your feelings of inadequacy and paranoia?

I think it might help you.

Oh and I have heard that there's something called CBT (Cease Baiting you Twat) which might stop you posting such utter bollocks on the internet.

WombFrootShoot

You're being very silly. However, i'm guessing you are very young. Why the bad language?

Yondan, people like you are exactly the reason that I have only ever told 3 people I had counselling... for fear of the "pull it together girl" reaction that some people would no doubt have without understanding anything about my situation.

So although the counselling helped me massively, I still am in the situation of feeling I need to hide the fact I had it, which when I do "dip under" means I just have to button up (grrrr) other than to my DH. Which comes back to the original problem... full circle.

so, YABU

wrinklyraisin

Good post. You have certainly made me think. What I want to know is this. Why pay silly money to speak to a stranger when you could speak to a mate?

You need the emotional detachment.

Also someone with experience of handling similar situations, what works, what might work, what doesn't work, someone who is completely impartial and rational without any "history" with you is a big plus.

You can treat your counsellor as the person you will never see again in effect, the mate may just treat you a bit differently if you really opened up - best will in the world and all that, but it's human nature. I could not tell someone I know all my deepest darkest worstest stuff.... telling a stranger is a whole heap easier.

Doesn't have to be silly money, for the correct conditions, you get it on the NHS (as I did).

because mates don't have the answers but often think they do. And because most mates don't have the listening capacity that a counsellor does - they will listen for a while and then jump in with "oh yes, that reminds me of when my cat died" or whatever, taking the emphasis off the troubled person.

Counselling is primarily offering a safe place for a person to talk out their issues - no advice offered, no judgement made, just space to talk and think things out for yourself. And sometimes questions are asked to help guide the thinking - the questions that we don't ask ourselves. A different perspective is given but with no emotional attachment - mates can't do that.

Mates are involved - emotionally invested. They have their place but they aren't objective.

Perhaps your issue,OP,is that you can't understand why someone gets paid for listening? Seems to be, from your last thought-free post.

Wrinklyraisin...I second your post.

I am a very objective person and quite often will deal very well with most things that Life throws at you...and then some.

I think in the past families have stuck by each other more and been more supportive and maybe because fo this the need for couselling in a supportive role wasnt required, maybe also in the past requiring help was a sign of weakness, nowadays I would see it as a sign of taking control of your situation/ life, getting back on track.

I do agree with the op in some cicumstances, I think a lot of problems can be helped with a good natter to a good friend....as long as it isnt all one way traffic and that favour is shared

When I had a councellor, I would go so far as to say that she saved my sanity, my partners sanity and my childrens happiness...dramatic sounding maybe but it wasnt soemthing that my friends could deal with...but there are plenty of things that my mates and i have spoken about and they have been enormously helpful as I hope I have been to them

I don't talk to a mate about my issues as they are my mate! They are not trained psychologists who know how to listen effectively, ask the right questions, shoulder all my pent up emotion and grief! My mates are lovely, supportive, caring people. But they do not need to hear the gruesome details of my life, or my feelings about said details. My mates are there for me to have good times with, occasionally vent about more petty things to, etc... I like to keep my inner turmoil seperate from my daily life, as it means I can keep some kind of order in my life. To mix the two would result in a frog in a blender type scenario.

"Counselling is primarily offering a safe place for a person to talk out their issues - no advice offered, no judgement made, just space to talk and think things out for yourself. And sometimes questions are asked to help guide the thinking - the questions that we don't ask ourselves. A different perspective is given but with no emotional attachment - mates can't do that."

Exactly.

I can say to a counsellor, I want to cut myself, and they wont panic. I also know that when I see them next they wont be trying to catch glimpses of cuts.

If I tell a friend then I know they will watch me like a hawk, which doesn't help stop the urge at all.

Mine was free Yondan. I doubt the NHS would waste money on it if they didn't think it was a valuable tool.

Why not talk to a mate? - because I don't want to dump all that on my mates, I don't want them to worry and feel helpless, they aren't trained to deal with these things, and although my friends and family are fabulously supportive, I don't want to upset them. Our friendships aren't just about me. I don't consult them about physical problems either, -I go to a doctor, why do you view counselling as something different?, its part of health care.

I have had two lots of counselling, and I don't feel it helped me, but that is just me personally, and maybe the type of counselling I had, but I know several people for whom it has been hugely helpful, if not lifesaving.

I don't think it is always because of some huge trauma that people need help. Depression can occur out of the blue, and sometimes there is no obvious thing that causes it to appear. I think this can make it very hard to talk to a friend about it, because there is no 'it' to talk about.

YABU

I've never had it but I wish I had (death of a parent at a very early age). From the day she died I never mentioned her again until I was 18. That's not normal. I didn't feel like I was allowed to, I had such secret searing pain, and an overwhelming feeling that I would never be allowed to have all the normal things that other people took for granted, until I was in my mid-twenties (so for twenty years). I guess everyone felt I was ok, because I appeared that way. It is only looking back now that I can see just what an unhappy childhood I had as a result. It is difficult to know whether it affected me longterm (not feeling I could talk about it) or whether the way I am is part of my personality - I suspect a bit of both.