to think if you go and stay with someone for a week, then you might at least buy them a bottle of wine as a thank you for putting them up and feeding them?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I'm not asking to be taken out to dinner for a big fancy schmancy meal or inundated with gifts. I understand that a week's free accommodation in Paris is a cheap holiday for some friends who might not get a holiday otherwise. But you can buy a reasonable bottle of wine for 5 euros here, or a small bunch of nice flowers for about the same - if someone has put you up for a week, fed you, provided beer, wine and gin, and you haven't as much as brought tea bags with you, it is not too much to contribute a bottle of wine to dinner one night, is it?

osv - I think we may have friends in common.

Redlady - the latter, but I am now saying no to a lot of people. And if they have been fool enough to buy tickets, then they can book themselves into a hotel as well.

I responded to your OP, honestly and I stand by my viewpoint.

yes your guests sound rude and again if what you actually meant was appreciation/help then no yanbu BUT I'm not a mind reader and I based my responses on your OP mentioning only gifts.

Good luck turning them away/getting better behaviour from them, DH is in the forces so friends and family see us as a nice excuse for a week away somewhere new, we once got a phone call on Thursday from a family member telling us they would be here Friday, believe me I understand the lack of understanding you can get from guests and the need to let off steam about bad behaviour!

I've told people that we are giving priority to friends who have visited us in other shitholes places we have lived, and family, as we have had so many requests for visits!

for your poor sister, moondog!

My sister lives in Brighton and our dad is always coming down to go clubbing. (Mid-life crisis.)
She doesn't like clubbing, and works weekends, and my father is blatantly not coming to see her, as he sleeps all day and is out till the small hours.
Drives her mad.

So OP I totally see where you are coming from.

Matumble, not forces, but in a similar position to you! Yes, sorry if I didn't make myself clear, it was more, if they couldn't be arsed to help out then a bottle of plonk would be nice. Non material gifts as welcome (more so sometimes) than material ones.

makes sense, and osv I would have handed them the pizzas and told them to keep them, let them get a wet patch in the boot/back seat/handbag!

at clubbing Dad! Does he bring his one night stands back to your sister's as well?

Im not a martyr at all, and although you feel you're guests where BU, I dont, I work incredibly long hours 4 days a week, in a highly stressful job (and how on earth is this relevent) to me having guests, as I tell my guests my shifts, and we work around them, but seeing as I dont get in until the early hours it's irrelevant to our evening meal, but as my dh makes our evening meal mostly, its still irrelevant.

The simple matter is, I dont expect anything from my guests, and I find it rude to expect a contribution off some sort, the expectation is something I have a problem with, we should not expect anything.

But different strokes for different folks.

no I said "oh, fine, if you want to go down that particular route, I usually keep my grocery receipts, so will have receipts for the last few weeks, hang on.... " I saw red, so I thought I should reply in kind. They backtracked. But I wont invite them again.

brilliant osv!

I think it is relevant Little Mrs Happy - I think I would probably be less stressed if I didn't work full time (or worked sensible hours). If I worked part time I would probably be a lot less resentful. But if I worked part time we wouldn't be in Paris so the problem wouldn't arise...

littlemisshappy-MrsSchadenfreude is not expecting anything other than being treated the same way she would treat them if she was visiting

I dont work part time, and dont work sensible hours either, but as I said different strokes.......and all that pa lava

Maybe she cant expect of her own guests, off her own expectation, her guests are individuals, and although she is not BU, to expect certain behaviour from her guests, she is BU for expecting her guests to know what her expectations are.

parp

MrsS, clubbing dad brings one of his clubbing gfs. One of whom chain-smokes in the house once we've gone to bed (whoever's house she's in IYSWIM)

He once asked my DH to score him drugs.

Actually, I think I do expect some appreciation of having given them a large room in a very smart and central area of Paris, what amounts to full board and limitless alcohol, guide books, tips on the city. And let's not fool ourselves, they're not coming to spend a week with us. They're coming to spend a week in Paris. Otherwise they would have come to spend a week with us when we lived in Milton Keynes, no?

Butterfly, am so with you on this
'My way of thinking is it's nice to make as little impact as possible.'

The point is that most courteous civilised peopel simply couldn'tr just sit on thier arses being waited on.
Ergo ,there is something wrong with these people.
Schaden, who are they?
Family?
Friends?
Old neighbours?

are they related to littlemrshappy?

YA SOOOOO NBU!

I live in Central London and have 2 lodgers. I may as well open a B&B as I seem to have an endless procession of their friends and family, some of whom stay for a week. I never even get a word of thanks nevermind a present . They save hundreds of pounds on accommodation. No overnight guests will be allowed with the next lot.

By contrast, a friend of mine stayed for a few days between moves. She offered me money for bills, which I refused, but I came home to an absolutely immaculate house as she'd tidied up. It was very much appreciated.

Some people have no manners whatsoever.

YANBU - your friends are. Its just manners, a cheap bunch of flowers and card would suffice to say thanks for putting people up. I'd be pretty peed off to get nothing after your hospitality, and I do expect people I know to be mannerly, as Im sure they appreciate it from me when i take them small gifts to say thanks.

Moondog - family (but only my mother). And friends - some of whom we have known for years, but as I said, people are different when you see them day to day, rather than when they stay with you.

The old neighbours who have been to stay with us have behaved impeccably. Ditto other members of the family.

I feel as if these guests think it's almost as if I owe them something.

LittleMrsHappy, are you for real?

I hardly think OP's expectations are so outlandish that guests couldn't be expected to fulfill them.

Do you get many house-guests, or is this a very hypothetical "how I would treat people" response?

And I don't expect my mother to take us out to dinner. But it might be nice if she got off her arse occasionally to make a cup of tea, instead of coming into the kitchen saying "You could die of thirst round here. Is no-one going to make me a cup of tea?"

So bloody selfish and thoguhtless.