to think if you go and stay with someone for a week, then you might at least buy them a bottle of wine as a thank you for putting them up and feeding them?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I'm not asking to be taken out to dinner for a big fancy schmancy meal or inundated with gifts. I understand that a week's free accommodation in Paris is a cheap holiday for some friends who might not get a holiday otherwise. But you can buy a reasonable bottle of wine for 5 euros here, or a small bunch of nice flowers for about the same - if someone has put you up for a week, fed you, provided beer, wine and gin, and you haven't as much as brought tea bags with you, it is not too much to contribute a bottle of wine to dinner one night, is it?

YANBU they sound very rude house guests!

And as for the ones who've invited themselves I love your proposed response.

Sugarmouse - one friend who stayed, and is skint, cooked us a lovely meal one night - obv using all my ingredients, but it was a fab treat not to come home from work and have to cook.

It's the ones who appear as I'm leaving for work and say in a whiny voice "Oh aren't we having pain au chocolat for breakfast?" than get me. Sure you can, lovey. Turn left out of the door, bakery's on the next corner. I'm off to work now - byeee.

You are right - it's not a free 5* hotel!

Yes it isn't about the gift itself really is it, it's about feeling taken for a ride. If you go to someone's house even just for dinner you take a bottle of wine. If you're staying for a week IMO you buy nice wine regularly and maybe take them out for lunch or dinner, or offer to buy food and cook some nights, etc.

Matumble - but how good a friend would you be if you expected to be fed and watered all week, when your hosts work full time?

I never turn up at anyones empty handed , doesn't matter how long I have known them -it's good manners.

Why are you doing it?

so when did manners include a price tag ] even if, of little value

Id be little upset, if I did not get a thankyou, but if they enjoyed their stay then, it would not upset me greatly.

Marine Iguana - yes, I feel that some of them are taking the piss.

YANBU too many seem to think that you want Thanks in the form of a small prezzie or gift. That is not the case.
Helping out around the house, cooking a meal or just being pleasant and grateful and not expecting you to 'entertain' them all week would be enough.
If your guests are from England then they are seeing you as a cheap way to see Paris, it is only fair they either invite you back to theirs '5 star' home for a week of indulgence or they show their gratitude

YANBU.

(Some years ago, say 15), had a couple stay (my bf and her dh), same as you, really looked after them and made sure they had a lovely time (and so did I).

I had wooden ducks in my bathroom at the time , the dh gave me a duck from the tatt shop (that I had seen while we were shopping) which was £1.50!!! I wished he hadn't given me anything.

They have more money than me.

can't believe people would think you are BU to annoyed about guests who use your place for a week's cheap holiday in Paris, don't help around hte place, expect their meals to be made for them and then don't even give you a bottle of wine / box of chocs / bunch of flowers to say thank you.

You don't sound like you think you're entitled to a gift, just rightly a little annoyed that your friends take the piss like this.

I would take something like wine or chocs if I went for dinner at someone's house, let alone stayed for a whole week! And I would help out with meals / washing up. It is called manners.

Moondog - I am becoming more selective and have said no for a few weeks as we were having no weekends to ourselves. And to be frank, friends that you see every day can turn out to be very different when they come and stay for a whole week.

I'm also quite clear now about who pays when we go out for dinner - we split the bill. If they baulk at that, then we don't go. As I had some friends who thought that as well as putting them up for a week, we were also paying for them to eat out.

It is just outrageous.
It's bloody hard work putting people up.
As i said, I don't understand peopel who are too thick skinned to not realsie that imposing yourself on somewone fro that length of time is not on.

I'm not asking to be taken out to dinner for a big fancy schmancy meal or inundated with gifts. I understand that a week's free accommodation in Paris is a cheap holiday for some friends who might not get a holiday otherwise. But you can buy a reasonable bottle of wine for 5 euros here, or a small bunch of nice flowers for about the same - if someone has put you up for a week, fed you, provided beer, wine and gin, and you haven't as much as brought tea bags with you, it is not too much to contribute a bottle of wine to dinner one night, is it?

The OP, Erm, I would not expect my guests to bring their own tea bags, or contribute to a bottle of wine, or help around the house, they are on holiday, but maybe my FAMILY IS different, we dont expect anything from our guests as they are our guests and on holiday.

we visit each other regularly and I would be mortified if they thought I expected anything from them.

Goingpostal and Debs - yes, exactly.

LittleMrsHappy - if you went round to dinner with someone, would you not bring a gift or send flowers the next day? Or would you go empty handed, eat up, say "Thanks, that was great" and go home? Because I would say the latter was bloody rude in my book.

LittleMrsHappy - so do you takesomething when you go somewhere to stay or for dinner?

Anyone who lands themselves on other peopel for a week (and peopel who are working by sounds of it) and thinks that as they are 'on holiday' there is no onus to do anything, needs thier heads seeing.

I would only ever stay with family for that length of time but whilst there, we would do all of the following

cook a meal
take family out for a meal
do a shop
get plenty of booze in
help out around the house (ironing, gardening, hoovering)
bring gifts

Maybe you don't work, Mrs Happy? Maybe your family is different. Maybe you were brought up differently.

I'm not asking people to bring their own tea bags, but it's something that a lot of people bring those who live Abroad as it can be quite difficult to get good tea here. So it is a small, but thoughtful gift.

YANBU. Whenever I go and stay somewhere I will always do the following:

Make cups of tea/coffee for everyone
Wash up
Help with dinner or cook a meal
Buy lunch/dinner out every other day if we're going on trips together
Strip the beds
Say "thank you for having us - it's been lovely" even when we were at MIL's and she and SIL were vile to DH.

It's just manners isn't it?

Debs thanks in the form of a gift is exactly what the OP said she wanted

'But you can buy a reasonable bottle of wine for 5 euros here, or a small bunch of nice flowers for about the same - if someone has put you up for a week, fed you, provided beer, wine and gin, and you haven't as much as brought tea bags with you, it is not too much to contribute a bottle of wine to dinner one night, is it?'

to be honest mrsschadenfreude I don't tend to go to friends houses when they wont be there and the one time I have I helped out round the house whilst she was at work, as I try to do visiting people who aren't at work.

I take no issue with you expecting help and appreciation, its the gift aspect of your OP and a lot of the responses I object to, even with regards to Christmas and birthdays I find this expectation of gifts that is so common pretty distasteful.

I enjoy buying gifts, taking the time to find something that the person I am thinking of will like, I enjoy seeing their reactions to gifts, however I teach my children that we don't expect gifts, its not polite to assume you will get a party bag or that everyone who comes to their party will bring a present and its the same as adults, expecting gifts is just rude in my book. It seems an unpopular opinion but I'm sticking with it!

I work, all families are different, and of course I was brought up differently aren't we all, it would be a boring world, I get what your saying, but expecting a "contribution" is rude within itself, manners has no price, is that not a old saying?

I love you Moondog! That's it exactly - it's not a hotel, it's our home. And if you object to me coming home at 7, and us not eating till later, take yourselves out to dinner.

Schaden-don't end up like my sister, who used to live in provence and was just inundated. But she pissed us off because she is so kind and generous she put up with it.

At one stage, she had some random bloke and his girlfriend (she was gradndaughter of one of my grandmother's friend) parking thier motorhome in her gardfen, moving all their food into her fridge (cheaper than running theirs in motorhome of course) and just taking over.
She ad mitted she actually left her house for one whole very long day to get some peace and whewn she got back, the lad said

'It's been so nice and peaceful without the kids' (ie her kids)

But, more fool her, eh?