to think if you go and stay with someone for a week, then you might at least buy them a bottle of wine as a thank you for putting them up and feeding them?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I'm not asking to be taken out to dinner for a big fancy schmancy meal or inundated with gifts. I understand that a week's free accommodation in Paris is a cheap holiday for some friends who might not get a holiday otherwise. But you can buy a reasonable bottle of wine for 5 euros here, or a small bunch of nice flowers for about the same - if someone has put you up for a week, fed you, provided beer, wine and gin, and you haven't as much as brought tea bags with you, it is not too much to contribute a bottle of wine to dinner one night, is it?

LittleMrsHappy-so I get it that you never expect anything but do you give anything when visiting???

but I do agree some of your guests do sound downright rude and I wouldn't be inviting them back in a hurry either

I think the point is, is that it's nice to be appreciated. When you've put your house at your friends' disposal so they can have a lovely holiday, looked after them, given them advice on where to visit & what to do, sorted out meals, nice room, clean sheets etc etc and they don't so much as reciprocate with a small gesture such as a bunch of flowers, or cook you a meal - it leaves you feeling somewhat taken for granted. Which makes you wonder just how good a friend those people are.

when you live overseas, it is great to see your friends but you can feel rather used as a free hotel and laundry service for people on a jolly too.

Yes Exactly manners has no price - but it would not cost anything for guests to clean up after meals, offer to make a couple of meals, etc!

I gave the bottle of wine or flowers as an example, Mrs Happy. I've said, since my OP, that to come home to a cooked meal would be brilliant - all that costs is time. I'd actually prefer that.

And I don't think these people have any manners, price or not.

I give what I can, but I never expect a contribution, I say I have X,Y,Z, I dont expect anything else, even a contribution of any sort, they are my guest, not my helper.

but that is very different to your OP which is what we were answering, expecting appreciation is not unreasonable, it was the expectation of gifts that was.

Well you must be a saint, Little Mrs Happy. Do you work full time?

A few years ago we stayed with a friend of dhs whilst our house in the same area was ready for us to move into.

Well having never stayed with anyone in this situation I didnt know what to do -she was at work,her dh was at work,my dh was at work and there was just me and baby ds1 at home- so I cooked and cleaned and ironed etc for them .......a couple of years ago they admitted theyd never had ironed bedsheets before nor had she ever come home to her dinner ready in fact when we left their dc cried.

I think what OP was meaning was that if the guest weren't going to even get off their arses to help out with the cooking the least they could have done was buy a sodding bottle of wine.

Next time I'll be more considered and write a list of what might be acceptable then.

We've been to stay with friends who live abroad. We count the cost of gifts and taking them out for dinner as part of the price of the holiday, factored in with travel, spending money etc. If we couldn't afford to do that, we wouldn't go in the same way that if we couldn't afford the plane fair we wouldn't be going. And we also offer to babysit so they can go out, help round the house etc. Least we can do IMO.

Yes, ggirl, exactly!

My ILs once stayed for a week (once) and took themselves out for long walks a lot, but then when they came back, I'd offer them a cup of tea and some biscuits and they'd say "oh no biscuits for us, we brought ourselves back cream cakes" and take out their cream cakes and eat them in front of me.

Badger, my SIL was like that, when she first was going out with BIL.
He lived in London and I stayed for a few weeks while getting myself sorted (was attending uni). Was out all day every day but SIL to be would come for w/end and buy little snacks and special cakes for him and her.
Never me.
Thought it so weird.

Yes, Sugarmouse! Or had a gentle stroll round Galleries Lafayette, come in, made yourself a cup of tea (but no-one else) and sit there on the sofa with your bags all over the floor, saying "Oooh, I'm knackered. What are we having for dinner tonight then?"

That is absolutely shocking behaviour. Do you actually invite any of these 'guests' or do they invite themselves? I suspect the latter. I wouldn't do that except with a sibling and then it would only be for a night. And even then I'd always take wine/flowers/cook dinner

That's good manners isn't it? I think what littlemisshappy is talking about is being a total mug

Hah, last time we had guests, staying for nearly 2 weeks, they presented me with a grocery receipt for some frozen pizzas they had bought, but not eaten, on the day they left.

I was gobsmacked, seing as I had cooked for them, done all the shopping (aside for those 4 frozen pizzas), paid for us all in a restaurant the day before, and they wanted cash for the pizzas as "well, we havent eaten them and you are keeping them".

Some people, eh?

They sound like massive stingebags.

I'd have asked if they'd like anything brought over (stuff they were missing from home), arrived with wine, and taken them for a meal at the end of the stay to say thank you, plus chipped in with housework, etc and cleaned up after ourselves.
In fact I have done that, the wine was something cheap from the offy (my friend I was staying with and I chose, we could get more that way!) and the meal was a wacky warehouse (her DD was 5, mine 9 months), but still the thought is the same, and you don't go and sponge.

Don't invite them again.

or martyr

Had friends who bought themselves chocolate eclairs from the bakery, came home, one each for the pair of them, and ate them in front of the DDs. Had to dash out to the bakery to buy cakes for everyone, very quickly!

osv-