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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dp to spend a substational amount of money on an engagement ring?

541 replies

hotCheeseBURNS · 01/05/2010 13:18

Like one month's salary? The whole point of having a "guideline" like that is that a month's salary is a lot of money. To eveyone, whether you earn £10K or £300K.

We don't have a huge amount of money, but we don't really have any debt, and we like having stuff, we live in a materialistic world. If dp is happy to spend thousands on a flash car, or hundreds on an electric drum kit, if he wears designer clothes (albeit from TK Maxx) and has a top of the range mobile phone, am I being unreasonable to think that I should get the same treatment? A ring to wear for the rest of my
life, to hand down to grandchildren? A symbol of our relationship.

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 15:10

That was actually in response to PosieParker who said anything under four figures isnt worth wearing BK...I still however think your attitude is shamefully shallow.

posieparker · 01/05/2010 15:11

No, my ring wasn't that expensive...worth twice as much as we paid, but I've never seen anything like it. I just think for some people the ring they would like is expensive, and their partners should pay if they can afford it, especially if they spend it on themselves.

I bet LeQueen and Bonsoir have lovely rings and happy marriages.

And I am quite shallow, love everything designer, shame I can't afford my own taste!

expatinscotland · 01/05/2010 15:12

There's a professor of law at the University of Texas who is married to an El Salvadoran man who was illiterate when she met him.

When they married, they exchanged spoons, as that was, for most of his adult life, all he owned.

They have an incredible relationship.

(still no rings, though).

BattyKoda · 01/05/2010 15:12

Yes... you have me RedRedWine. My DP has had countless affairs, but it's OK, he buys me nice things

FWIW (although I'm annoyed I've been sucked in) Our wedding is costing us £1700. My dress was £30. Hopefully that should clear up your 'shallow' assumpstion.

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 15:14

This is what I object to- love doesnt really come with 'should...' that makes it sound conditional from where I stand..nobody 'should' have to spend a certain amount of money on you, take you fancy places, stay in instead of going out with their mates etc etc to prove they love you or whatever.

AitchTwoZone · 01/05/2010 15:14

is bonsoir married~?

expatinscotland · 01/05/2010 15:15

In answer to your question, Aitch, no.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 01/05/2010 15:15

The OP posted and hasn't been back.

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 15:16

And as for 'something to pass down to next generations' sadly all some people will be passing to subsequent generations is the attitude unless something costs certain amounts of money its not worth having.

AitchTwoZone · 01/05/2010 15:16

thought so.

expatinscotland · 01/05/2010 15:17

If you want an heirloom why not buy one now? Go for a vintage ring.

More environmentally friendly and not fueling a trade that enslaves and exploits people.

TheJollyPirate · 01/05/2010 15:18

No return by the OP I see - perhaps she has been frightened away?

posieparker · 01/05/2010 15:18

For goodness sake can't a girl make some sort of statement without it having to be true...

Leningrad and her husband have nice rings

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 15:19

I have 'nice rings'...just my idea of 'nice' doesnt have to come with a price tag....

diddl · 01/05/2010 15:19

Am wondering why people are saying the cost is immaterial and then boasting about telling us how much theirs cost?

BattyKoda · 01/05/2010 15:19

Fuck RedRedWine, what is your problem??

rubyrubyruby · 01/05/2010 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

posieparker · 01/05/2010 15:20

Not true, I have a few Sasha dolls that I will be passing on, as well as my jewellery and my mother has an enormous chest of jewels...all sentimental some bought for £2(her engagement ring) and some over £5k.

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 15:21

What is my problem? What as in a 'how dare you have a view that differs to mine and back it up' type way?

JaneS · 01/05/2010 15:22

Crikey, OP must be a bit scared by now.

OP, is this something you've discussed with him? Or do you have your eye on something are are hoping he'll buy it for you?

I think it's worth talking to him - no point him buying something you hate. He might not realize that some metals and stones don't wear as well as others, and so on.

Posie - sorry you're having a shit day. Anything we can do?

traceybath · 01/05/2010 15:22

PP - hope things pick up soon

I love 'nice' stuff too - champagne tastes babycham budget

diddl · 01/05/2010 15:24

"I got engaged a few weeks ago.
DP spent far too much on the ring imo. That's not what it's all about - surely?"

So you´ll be exchanging it for a more reasonably priced one?

Congratulations, btw!

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 15:24

I think im starting to have a shit day now as my beloved ring in the words of PP and BK is not worth wearing. Nice.

BattyKoda · 01/05/2010 15:25

I always dreamt of a big diamond, just like I dream of a big house, wearing Jimmy Choos everyday etc.

I did not expect him to spend a fortune on a ring. I did not need him to spend alot of money on a ring to cement our relationship.

But, instead of spending the money on a golfing trip to Florida, he bought me a ring, my dream ring. It's an antique diamond, custom made, and will be passed on.

So, in answer to the DP, if your DP will happily spend alot on himself, he should on you too.

posieparker · 01/05/2010 15:26

No...I just need to get away from myself.....
all pms related. Seem to have a period nearly all month and for two weeks the most horrific pmt...been vile to my dcs.