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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dp to spend a substational amount of money on an engagement ring?

541 replies

hotCheeseBURNS · 01/05/2010 13:18

Like one month's salary? The whole point of having a "guideline" like that is that a month's salary is a lot of money. To eveyone, whether you earn £10K or £300K.

We don't have a huge amount of money, but we don't really have any debt, and we like having stuff, we live in a materialistic world. If dp is happy to spend thousands on a flash car, or hundreds on an electric drum kit, if he wears designer clothes (albeit from TK Maxx) and has a top of the range mobile phone, am I being unreasonable to think that I should get the same treatment? A ring to wear for the rest of my
life, to hand down to grandchildren? A symbol of our relationship.

OP posts:
AitchTwoZone · 01/05/2010 14:08

i didn't say it had to be the same, i don't think. in fact i said it was fair enough for her to be concerned if he was frittering money on his stuff and not taking her feelings into consideration. do you think you're getting my posts mixed up with someone else's?

(btw you have nicer bits and bobs of jewellery than i do. )

dinkystinky · 01/05/2010 14:10

What is a substational amount- roughly the equivalent that the local electricity board would spend?

diddl · 01/05/2010 14:11

I agree that if her partner likes spending money then an engagement ring shouldn´t be a problem.

But personally I would think 500gbp would be more than enough.

biddyofsuburbia · 01/05/2010 14:20

I think he should get you the best thing he can 'realistically' afford, I don't know about a months salary. But bear in mind that just because something costs a lot of money doesn't necessarily make it nice or good.

I do understand the point about men justifying things they want like cars / computers but moaning about small purchases (on shoes for instance) that cost a fraction of the amount!

I would be happier if my dh chose a piece of jewellery that suited me and was clearly an attempt to get it right for me style/taste wise even if not expensive. I don't own or wear much jewellery but what I do have is significant to me but quite understated & good quality. And it is nice to own a good quality piece that you will be able to pass on one day.

If you are buying diamonds the price will depend on both the size (carat) and the quality i.e. clarity!

And make sure you get it properly insured whatever he gets you!

DuelingFanjo · 01/05/2010 14:22

YABU.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/05/2010 14:26

I would expect a decent amount of money spent on a ring as I know that in order for it to last 50 years the gold mustn't be too thin to wear away.

In order for the gold to be thick enough you need to spend 200-300-ish.

Any 'stone' you have on the top is unnecessary but still nice.

BattyKoda · 01/05/2010 14:27

YANBU.

I casually hinted to my DP about a jewellery shop in town that I loved (he never hears any of my hints - I got a pen for xmas even though we had spent hours trawling the make up department in various stores).

When he got down on one knee and produced a wooden box with THE jewellery shops name engraved on the top my legs went even more to jelly!!

He spent alot of money on it because, he said, it was The One. It's hard to come by a diamond that could be considered The One without spending four figures

frakkinnuts · 01/05/2010 14:29

My ring is worth more than a months salary and I was horrified when I found out how much it was worth (insurance). I love it though, he designed it for me, it's got a family stone in it and it's a proper keepsake not some bauble produced by the thousand. I still owe DH a signet ring as an engagement present which might be more than a months salary for me (but I earn less than him) - I don't care about spending that money if it makes him happy and we can afford it (hence he's still waiting) but I'd rather he got his driving license first!!!!

I think YANBU to want a stunning ring but YABU to measure it by cost. If you've seen something you love and he can afford but he's too much of a cheapskate to buy it YADNBU.

posieparker · 01/05/2010 14:32

aitch, ignore me I am in a rage filled bad mood....could do with a nice bf/ff, private/state school, sahm/wohm debate to be honest.........or for daftpunk to be posting anywhere, really need to vent.

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 14:35

Mine cost £200, and DH was 'earning plenty' by some peoples standards I should clearly be 'irked' although its the only ring that didnt make me look like Jimmy Saville on my tiny size H finger... you learn summat new everyday huh?

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 14:38

BK is that the same fella who jerks off over other women? Sorry but i'd rather have my 100% faithful fella who spent a modest amount than someone who needs to get cheap thrills off other women then appease wifey with a four figure piece of jewellry that cost a tenth of the price to make...

MmeLindt · 01/05/2010 14:42

YANBU

C'mon.

It is not going to be spending money they cannot afford.

He spends money on himself, why should he not spend money on an engagement ring?

I was told that I was being silly for "upgrading" my engagement ring this year. We have been married 12 years and are now financially better off than we were when we got engaged so I wanted a slightly bigger rock than we could afford back then.

Of course it does not mean that I love my DH more or less. But it makes me smile every time I look at it.

HotCheeseBurns
Have a look at JamesAllan and Truthaboutdiamonds

Ira, the guy who writes the Truthaboutdiamonds blog is fab. He helped me buy a ring from James Allan at a fraction of the price that I would have paid in a jewellers.

posieparker · 01/05/2010 14:43

Red That was completely uncalled for. Besides there are plenty of people with worthless rings and shitty marriages, as well as people with huge rocks and lovely husbands....the two are not incompatible.

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 14:44

I dont get how you can have a 'new' engagement ring (goes for wedding rings too). Surely they are engagement/wedding rings because they were given to you when you got engaged/married and to give one at a different time in your life defeats the whole purpose?

MmeLindt · 01/05/2010 14:45

Redredwine
It is not appropriate to refer to other threads in this way. That was unkind.

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 14:46

Why was it uncalled for? Its entirely relevant when someone boasts how marvellous and perfect their fella is at buying expensive things yet moans about them elsewhere for having a total disregard/disrepect for them to the point they were contemplating not getting married it seems some people are very easily bought to be honest.

MmeLindt · 01/05/2010 14:46

Ok, call it an we-are-still-married-even-though-we-have-had-ups-and-downs-ring instead of a new engagement ring.

I don't care. I love my ring.

shockers · 01/05/2010 14:47

An ex boyfriend once presented me with a very pretty (but not really my kind of thing) ring whilst on one knee. It was a bit of a surprise so I asked if I could have a think. Once on my own, I was looking at the ring and noticed the initials CZ on it... he'd pretended it was a diamond.

I didn't get rid of him for being a cheapskate, but him lying about an engagement ring didn't bode well. If he'd been poor (or honest), I wouldn't have minded so much.

When DH proposed, he did it with a napkin ring from an Indian restaurant... I don't wear it daily but I have still got it and I didn't have to think about saying yes!

BattyKoda · 01/05/2010 14:47

RedRedWine - Flattered that you remember me . Although I didn't realise we were in a 'my blokes better than yours' competition...someone could've given me the heads up on that...?

diddl · 01/05/2010 14:48

"I dont get how you can have a 'new' engagement ring (goes for wedding rings too). Surely they are engagement/wedding rings because they were given to you when you got engaged/married and to give one at a different time in your life defeats the whole purpose? "

Yes, I agree with that.

posieparker · 01/05/2010 14:48

You don't have to get it...I did!!

I guess I hated my ring, my DH chose it and I think price was a factor...I had never said I liked blue Sapphires.

MmeLindt · 01/05/2010 14:49

redredwine
It is just not done on MN. What is said on a thread, stays on the thread. Particularly when it is a thread about relationship troubles.

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 14:49

No its nothing like that- its just pointing out some people seem to base their (very flawed) relationships on the cost of what they get given, its sickening shallow and when it boils down to it if the fundamentals are lacking (love, respect and honour) it doesnt matter what they buy you and how much it cost.

SpeedyGonzalez · 01/05/2010 14:50

I would never dream of placing a figure on how much my partner should spend on jewellery for me. It sounds a very superficial way to assess his love/ regard.

BattyKoda · 01/05/2010 14:50

RedReadWine - just to set the record straight, my ring was given to me a long time ago, and I have not once contemplated not marrying him, as I re-iterated countless times on the other thread. not sure I was boosting about how perfect and marvellous he is? I responded to the OP, the thread about engagement rings, or should I have come on and said, 'my DP rang a sex line'??

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