to expect dp to spend a substational amount of money on an engagement ring?

[hotCheeseBURNS]

Like one month's salary? The whole point of having a "guideline" like that is that a month's salary is a lot of money. To eveyone, whether you earn £10K or £300K.

We don't have a huge amount of money, but we don't really have any debt, and we like having stuff, we live in a materialistic world. If dp is happy to spend thousands on a flash car, or hundreds on an electric drum kit, if he wears designer clothes (albeit from TK Maxx) and has a top of the range mobile phone, am I being unreasonable to think that I should get the same treatment? A ring to wear for the rest of my
life, to hand down to grandchildren? A symbol of our relationship.

And of course that's 3 months Gross not Net.

piesey How sad that some of your 'friends' reacted in such a way...I think thats awful

An earlier poster suggested that it was important to women that other women reacted with a 'wow' to their engagement ring....news to me. I certainly didn't care what others thought of mine and I have never been particularly interested in other women's jewellery. If a friend gets engaged, of course I will look at their engagement ring and say 'Oh, that's lovely' regardless of what I really think (and actually I tend not to like the larger stones generally as I think they often look vulgar). I'm usually far more interested in hearing the story of how and where the proposal took place; I love a romantic tale

Iklboo, my OH also spoke to my parents to tell them his intentions before he proposed and that meant a lot to me.

It used to be one months' salary, then two, now three... and of course now De Beers is saying that not only should you be spending three months' salary on the engagement ring, you ought to buy her diamond rings for the big anniversaries AND if she's an independant woman she ought to be buying a nice rock for her right hand.

I do sometimes wonder how many fingers de beers thinks I have!

(ok, admittedly, I'm a pretty active person plus a mum of a toddler, so the only jewelry I wear is a silver stand-in wedding ring {I did say mine got broken} until mine gets fixed, and a titanium necklace that DH bought me in Australia - I've got three loose, cut diamonds as a wedding present from my aforementioned uncle {the stone in my wedding ring was given to me as an elaborate prank on my dad} that I have no idea what to do with because I just don't wear jewelry that much. I'm sure I will think of something eventually, but jewelry just doesnt fit with my lifestyle, not to mention being a mum is pretty gross sometimes, so I'm glad really nice jewelry isn't being put though that.)

you should get an expensive one so you can pawn it when it all goes tits up

for what it´s worth,

my DP bought me a ring costing a whole month´s salary (800 pounds, back in 1995). I still cannot believe he spent that much money!

I did a divorce a year or so back, the wife, after a 14 month marriage, got to keep the ring (worth £170,000) but nothing else as they were in rented accom. He kept his Ferraris.

They were in their early twenties and in the travelling community

Cripes mumblechum!

LeQueen, I wasn't disputing that it's possible to have an expensive ring and a romantic, meaningful proposal. I was responding specifically to the poster who suggested that other women's reactions to one's engagement ring were important. I disputed that and said I was more interested in the proposal story, when someone announces their engagement.

And....Did you realise that's the second time you've told us that your OH rang ahead to get the jeweller to prepare a special tray of solitaires for you to look at? Actually, I expect you do realise that.

On that subject...I think it's a shame so many women choose their own ring. Far more romantic, IMO for the man to choose it.

"Actually, I expect you do realise that."

ROFL

i can understand being annoyed if it seems like your partner is happy to splurge on his own toys, but apparently doesn't consider it important to get something nice for what is basically a symbol of love and commitment.

so YANBU.

I never wanted a big rock (and never in a million years would get one from my fiscally conservative DH, and instead have the most modest band and eternity ring you can imagine, bought years after the wedding), but I do understand wanting something you really love.

It's a divisive issue though for women to talk about wanting a nice ring. I did think it was a bit silly that my cousin held out saying yes until her fiance produced a THREE CARAT ring.

Apparently in her circles, only 3 carats is acceptable.

3 carats? How does one even wear three carats on a day-to-day basis? I am genuinely curious.

I don't know how many carats are in my wedding ring, but I know that my loose diamonds are 1.15 and two .5 carats and I consider the 1.15 one too big for a ring - they will probably either all go into a pendant or become earrings and a pendant.

I think the replacement stone for my wedding ring is about 2.5 carats, and I have spent the last 18 months looking for someone who can cut it down a bit as at its present size it will just get in the way.

I can see 3 carats for something to wear on special occasions, maybe, but it seems like wearing it every day would be a hassle.

I lurve reading people's 'rules' about what makes a ring/marriage/proposal/relationship special.

I think they're opinions as opposed to 'rules'. That's what AIBU is all about, isn't it?

Opinions, yes, and when it comes to weddings and children everyone has an opinion

maremenmj, even though the ring is 3 carat, it is just a ring, and not really that huge in the absolute sense (it is only about 9.3 mm). I wear my ring all the time, and actually, forget about it most of the time.

oli, I said 'rules' as within quotations - irony.