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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dp to spend a substational amount of money on an engagement ring?

541 replies

hotCheeseBURNS · 01/05/2010 13:18

Like one month's salary? The whole point of having a "guideline" like that is that a month's salary is a lot of money. To eveyone, whether you earn £10K or £300K.

We don't have a huge amount of money, but we don't really have any debt, and we like having stuff, we live in a materialistic world. If dp is happy to spend thousands on a flash car, or hundreds on an electric drum kit, if he wears designer clothes (albeit from TK Maxx) and has a top of the range mobile phone, am I being unreasonable to think that I should get the same treatment? A ring to wear for the rest of my
life, to hand down to grandchildren? A symbol of our relationship.

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 15:01

Insult MY ring all you like dear- maybe worry more about your actual marriage than the non important frills? Just a thought...

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 15:02

Hahaha whos getting 'wound up' now?

thumbwitch · 02/05/2010 15:02

lumme, what a kick-off!

I think the face value of a ring is somewhat immaterial if it is a ring that

  1. you love
  2. someone who loves you chose for you knowing that you would love it
  3. you still love the person who gave it to you.

I don't have one, btw - DH decided not to bother. He bought me an eternity ring instead for our 1st anniversary - and it wasn't that expensive but it did go rather perfectly with my wedding ring, so the cost was immaterial.

OTOH - if the bloke is spending £1000's on toys for himself, it would suggest he doesn't think that much of his future wife if he comes back with a ring worth £200. So - depends on the situation.

MoChan · 02/05/2010 15:07

Can't see what all the fuss is about. Don't see the need for a ring, really.

posieparker · 02/05/2010 15:07

There's a button near the enter button, it's called an apostrophe....can you find yours? I am not wound up I quite like poking the angry bear....

The problems in my marriage have nothing to do with my ring.

MrsC2010 · 02/05/2010 15:08

If the diamond is great quality 0.5 carat looks good Posie. I know why you're getting wound up by sanctimonious postings that seem to belittle your marriage because I feel the same. I can love and adore my husband and also love my engagement ring. The two don't compare though obviously! However I must admit that slating 0.5 carat diamonds you are doing so blatantly knowing that you will be upsetting people...why do that? Everyone is different, personally a 3carat would look ridiculous on me and is far too big/ostentatious/flashy for my tastes. Mine is just perfect. Anyway, life is too short for all of this hassle. As long as everyone is happy.

posieparker · 02/05/2010 15:08

But I do love my ring more than my husband.

whatname · 02/05/2010 15:08

Stupid. I have a big expensive ring, means nothing when your marriage fails. I will be passing it on to the pawnbroker , not my children. Concentrate on the important things Fgs.

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 15:09

PP are you really for flipping real?

lucykate · 02/05/2010 15:10

posie, "But I do love my ring more than my husband" is that true?, that's really sad to read. all this arguing aside, are you ok?

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 15:11

Ahh but it doesnt upset me Mrs C- ive got the happy marriage to feel smug about after all.

posieparker · 02/05/2010 15:11

Sorry Mrs, my taste is quite different .5 ct would look like I'm wearing the jewellery of a delicate woman (which my hands are not...more like a small child's). I don't have a white diamond, i have a pink stone and it's set in a wide band...in fact you never guess it's size....neither did I until I had it valued(it was a bargain abroad and so I thought it was fake!)

posieparker · 02/05/2010 15:14

My DH is away in KL for two weeks and I haven't missed him.....

Honestly RRW are you sure you shouldn't be 1990.......you just seem so young and immature

posieparker · 02/05/2010 15:15

Right dc4 awake so toodles!

chibi · 02/05/2010 15:16

my engagement ring lasted about a week i lifted my hand to show someone and it flew off my finger through the window of a moving car and into a snowbank never to be found again

i don't think it cost a months salary

felt badly for dh but can't really say i mind not having one

PrivetDancer · 02/05/2010 15:17

Hilarious!
Redredwine is definitely protesting too much.

diddl · 02/05/2010 15:18

"you just seem so young and immature"

Blimey PP-and you don´t ??

IagreewithNick · 02/05/2010 15:22

Posie I am sorry that you are having a hard time with your husband but I do think you are being unecessarily rude to redredwine.

For what it is worth when I was young and immature I insisted on a huge rock from my husband, now I have reached the great maturity of my thirties I don't give two hoots. I am sure there are people who love their husbands and have huge rocks on their fingers but as others have said the lack of a rock does not prove anything.

thumbwitch · 02/05/2010 15:27

Posie - if that's the only thing you're basing your love of your DH on (and I doubt it is) then tbh, 2 weeks isn't that long. Missing them usually kicks in after 2 weeks, IME, and sometimes not until after 3.

However, I'm sure there is more to it than that.

sparkle12mar08 · 02/05/2010 15:31

My dad gave my mum her "Lizzie Dukes finest" eternity ring when she made it through a 10hour open heart operation than that she'd been given a less than 5% chance of surviving Two valves removed and replaced and two massive holes sealed. The first time that combination had been done in this country. This was back in the mid 70's, within weeks of my birth. She fought so hard. So, so hard. She spent the next 6 months in hospital recovering, and was never ever really well again. It's not size, it's not price, it's not how long you've been married - it's about what it represents. If you're happy with your own choices, please don't belittle those of anyone else - you have no idea what might be behind them.

thumbwitch · 02/05/2010 15:35

Jeez sparkle - that's some op your mum went through!

sparkle12mar08 · 02/05/2010 15:38

It was. She never made it the second time when I was 18. But hey, it was only a cheap ring. Maybe if Dad had been able to buy a bigger, better one things could have been different?!

zazen · 02/05/2010 15:39

I haven't read all the thread, so apologies if I've repeated what others have posted.

I understand the magpie aspect of jewelry very well - I love a sparkle - in an eye, a cobweb all covered with dew, in the sky at night or on my finger!

So I've got a website for you where you might find a sparkler for your finger which won't cost the earth: www.stauer.co.uk/
They create diamonds, emeralds and sapphires in the lab from carbon etc. A lot cheaper than a 'real' diamond, but as sparkly none the less.

LeQueen · 02/05/2010 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thumbwitch · 02/05/2010 15:48

sparkle - but I suppose you had her for 18y longer than you might have. I am not saying that flippantly - my Mum nearly died 13 years ago but an op saved her just in time; she did die 3y ago from cancer but we had those extra 10y to be grateful for.

Come to the sparkle thing, Zazen, silver crystal does a pretty good job of sparkling as well.