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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dp to spend a substational amount of money on an engagement ring?

541 replies

hotCheeseBURNS · 01/05/2010 13:18

Like one month's salary? The whole point of having a "guideline" like that is that a month's salary is a lot of money. To eveyone, whether you earn £10K or £300K.

We don't have a huge amount of money, but we don't really have any debt, and we like having stuff, we live in a materialistic world. If dp is happy to spend thousands on a flash car, or hundreds on an electric drum kit, if he wears designer clothes (albeit from TK Maxx) and has a top of the range mobile phone, am I being unreasonable to think that I should get the same treatment? A ring to wear for the rest of my
life, to hand down to grandchildren? A symbol of our relationship.

OP posts:
lucykate · 02/05/2010 14:18

pp, "Noone has said of those that have less expensive pieces that the marriage isn't as valid"

err, they kind of have...,

"If others are 'happy' with cheap pieces of glass or nothing then good luck to you. I along with many others have a wonderful happy and long lasting relationship and a valuable ring to go with that"

not naming any names but this is just one example.

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:19

Please don't call me names.

No I completely stand by the idea that having a DIAMOND worth less than £1000 is not worth having these days....as you only get about 0.5ct.....and I think diamond solitaires always shout price.

Noone said it made the commitment stronger, who are you arguing with? But I do think that a man who enjoys spending money, has an iPhone, drives a flash car, wears £400 sunglasses would be rather tight to spend £200 on a ring for the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:19

Yep, there have been frequent references to people having cheap pieces of jewellry 'Lizzie Duke's finest' as one lovely poster said.

lucykate · 02/05/2010 14:20

sorry, meant to add, according to that sentiment, then my ring, which i posted about earlier, comes under the 'cheap pieces of glass' banner.

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:21

You only get about 0.5 ct....who gives a schmit? How fucking dare you? I CHOSE the ring that I liked and looked good for me, what right do stuck up nobodys like you have to say they look cheap etc? Please tell me?

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:22

lucy, they haven't actually said that a cheap piece of glass equals a shite marriage, it sounds like a response to those that look down upon those who fancy a nice ring. Teh sanctimonious moral high ground of 'my ring was a tissue tied in a knot but our marriage is so wonderful that jewellery means nothing blah blah blah.'

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:23

YOU are the one sounded sanctimonious PP about what 0.5 carat diamonds look like...

lucykate · 02/05/2010 14:23

cost of rings aside, there are some priceless gems on this thread

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:24

And my marriage is fine, it would be fine with a £1.50 ring or a £5000 ring. Its a shame not everyone can say that no matter how marvellous their jewells look.

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:25

I didn't say your ring looked cheap, I couldn't give a rat's arse what you wear. If you like it, great, that's the idea isn't it. But why do you think you can tell someone that wants something with a heftier price tag that they're wrong? I am allowed to say, without pause, that an inanimate object is not to my liking.
This is my opinion.

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:26

No you said 'not worth having' who the fuck are you to deem whats worth having for people?

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:27

Well, when I divorce my DH and sit happily with my 3ct ring I can truly say it's lovely, beautiful and unusual.....now that's get to be worth something, you can keep your happy marriage!

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:28

I must go and tell my DH that the ring I spent weeks choosing isnt worth having as its not 'big' or 'pricey' enough....

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:29

RRW, oh good god woman life is just too short.

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:29

Yep- just goes to show where some peoples priorities lie basically! Enjoy, hope it keeps you warm and happy at night.

lucykate · 02/05/2010 14:30

me too rrw, when dh gets home from london, he either flashes the cash or it's divorce in this house.

BloomingFlowers · 02/05/2010 14:45

We had been together for six years when we became engaged. We did the deed with the ring pull from a Sprite can. Money was tight, as we both had new mortgages and were early in our careers.

I wanted something of "Him/Us" in my engagement ring... as he is a Designer; and I love his artistry/talent. So we went to the local jewellery quarter with designs. But they were expensive; and I said we would just wait.

On hearing this my MIL (RIP) asked my (now)husband if he would consider his Grandmother's ring... so that's how I ended up with the most beautiful ring you could ever imagine (or so I thought).......

On our 10th Anniversary (and we'd been through hell and back in that time, and always together); he went back to the jewellery quarter.

He chose each stone and designed it himself; to complement my engagement ring.

It was a lot of money at the time (about £7000; nine years ago); but it was the care and effort that he took to create something just for me.

It's not the money, it's not what it's worth; it's the thought and care that goes into the giving.

At this stage if you're comparing his spend on gadgets to his spend on your ring; then I'd say that you've both missed the point.

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:48

Fucking hell it was a joke, I have been with my DH for nearly 13 years and we have four children. I love my ring and whilst it was more expensive than the first it is perfect and looks lovely upon my finger, I don't think I would get anything more beautiful for twice the price but certainly not for less. It's a piece of jewellery and that's it, it's does not have great symbolism for me, I'm not that sentimental, it's a ring.

There's more to this for you isn't there RRW? Funny how I'm now thinking your very defensive attitude means you actually would have liked a more expensive ring.

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:49

If you say so PP- as you clearly know me so well!

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:50

Your posts make it to easy...angry, defensive and a name caller...

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:51

I love it when people run out of ammo and chuck the 'jealous' line out there.. it makes me chuckle on a sunday afternoon

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:53

Call me a simpleton but id rather have spent a small amount on a ring that suited ME than one that made me look like a tastless pikey to suit others...darn my practical side!

RedRedWine1980 · 02/05/2010 14:55

And I think huge ostentaious crass rocks aren't worth having..unless you aspire to be David Dickenson anyway

posieparker · 02/05/2010 14:59

Pikey? I love it when people are wound up and resort to passive aggressive behaviour, name calling and mild racism, nice.

Call me Posieparker but I would rather have a unique ring that suits me....I couldn't look tasteless even if I were wearing your ring.

now that's a good come back.

posieparker · 02/05/2010 15:00

It's the way a gen=m is cut and mounted that makes it look shit, not the size. It's okay I wouldn't expect you to know.