to expect dp to spend a substational amount of money on an engagement ring?

[hotCheeseBURNS]

Like one month's salary? The whole point of having a "guideline" like that is that a month's salary is a lot of money. To eveyone, whether you earn £10K or £300K.

We don't have a huge amount of money, but we don't really have any debt, and we like having stuff, we live in a materialistic world. If dp is happy to spend thousands on a flash car, or hundreds on an electric drum kit, if he wears designer clothes (albeit from TK Maxx) and has a top of the range mobile phone, am I being unreasonable to think that I should get the same treatment? A ring to wear for the rest of my
life, to hand down to grandchildren? A symbol of our relationship.

When I cark it, I'll have myself turned into a diamond for the wife.
I wanted to make a coarse remark about "that way she can finger my ring every day" but....never mind

It is the size of a ring/diamond/design that makes it look tacky.

You only have to go to the Caribbean and see all those American honeymooners with big sticky up installations on their wedding fingers, to realise that. Massive pointy up rocks are tacky. Fit for only hanging washing.

Mine is beautiful.
I'm proud of Him; it catches my eye; it makes me think of him when he's not there/away.
The diamonds catch the light and make spots of coloured light/rainbows (oft when I'm in the car waiting to collect child on school run); and then I 'phone him..

So yes I am proud of my expensive ring. It's a 1 carat, white colourless, "flawless" diamond that "floats" in the platinum surround. It's round cut in the same shape/style as my 1820's engagement ring.
The "arms" are set in smaller diamonds.

It's bloody beautiful and absolutely gorgeous. And he designed it. For me.

And do you know what ? He actually designed it for the "fatter me"; ten years post marriage.
It cost a bomb. Am I proud ? Dead bloody right I am.

I bought him a male grooming set £35 for our 10th anniversary

It's not the size of the diamond; it's not the cost. It's the fact that he made such an effort; and thought about me.

It could have been a nostalgic Sprite ring pull and it would have had the same response/effect.

I wear my engagement ring and my 10th Anniversary/engagement ring every single day; and have done for the best part of 25/15 years. They're not "branding".

I love my husband more than my "rocks"; my gorgeous rings.
My marriage is very happy; I don't feel smug.

It's been bloody hard "work".
It's been years of watching/caring for elderly Parent's die/survive/bringing up a child between us etc etc.

Op. I'll say it again.
If you don't have the same priorities at this point, then you shouldn't think about marriage in the first place.

I don´t think people are saying cheaper=better,but that for those of us with cheaper rings they are as "good" and "special" to us.

Diamonds are a bit tacky anyway now.

Diddl. Cheaper = Better. It's not the cost of the ring. It's the Man attached to it than can work out cheap.

I was "with" my first boyfriend for 10 years. I lost my virginity to Him. I loved Him entirely. I was totally faithful. I became engaged to him at the age of 20, with an engagement ring that cost about £45 (at the time; which was quite a lot of money at that time). And then he cheated and cheated and cheated on me; until I got the sense to leave.

And that's why I didn't get married for another 10 years.

Good diamonds are never tacky Amber. Bad Big Diamonds are.

LeQueen that's was I was hoping to say - that it doesn't bloody matter. Diddl's summed it up - if a ring means something to you, then nobody can take that meaning away. What rankles is the attitude from some here that bigger + more expensive = more worthy. I also love diamonds and know a lot about them, and I love wearing my sets every day. If I ever do win the lottery, a flawless diamond will be on my shopping list too. Probably in a ring but I might be persuaded by a pendant setting. Size isn't the point, flawless isn't really either I suppose. It's the thought that matters, the effort. It's about two people and what they mean to each other.

The diamond trade is so often used to fund the purchase of weapons, that I'd never, ever want to wear one.

Well the OP is asking should her man spend a sustantial amount/months salary?

That´s kind of a yes/no answer in a way so why are others mentioning the cut/clarity/cost of theirs?

OP-mine didn´t cost a months salary although husband would have gone to it.

He didn´t however spend that much on himself-apart from mortgage & bills that is!

Oh I'm fine

If it was bought in ignorance, that's fair enough but so many just don't care.

I agree with LeQueen.

"diddl actually I think there's is a definite undertone on here of Cheap = Sincere, Worthy and True. And that Expensive = Shallow, Flashy and Meaningless."

Yes but there are also others saying how if it´s not x,y&z it´s worthless & that obviously isn´t the case either.

I could have had a much more expensive ring but this was the only one I loved

OP - I suggest you get one without the little "feet" that hold the stone in place. Mine was like that (it cost about a quarter of his monthly salary at the time)and this year, 27 years later, the stone fell out and I lost it, because I didn't notice that the feet had fallen off.

So now I'm getting it mended at my own expense. Dh hasn't offered and I haven't asked him. It is costing more to mend, and to replace the stone, than it cost in the first place.

I'm not saying that bigger + more expensive = less worthy, either. I'm saying that it's between two people, and thats what matters. Not anybody elses opinions. Yes, there's been an undertone of inverse snobbery, I agree. But I'm sure you can see that there's also been the normal snobbery too? If we as a couple could afford what a certain set of friends of ours spent on a ring, then yes, of course we would. But if the charmingly phrased "bargain bucket" is all that someone can stretch to, then why is that any less worthy or representative?

People are confusing financial and sentimental value. They have nothing to do with each other in my eyes.

it's a good job it's not included in the marriage vows 'i promise to love, honour and spend at least a grand on no less than a 1ct ring'

tis indeed a good job, lucykate, or I still wouldn't be married!

Sorry haven't got a spare 2 hours to read entire thread, but I can't help but feel that the point is being missed. Its not to do with the cost of the ring, its to do with whether or not you are right to feel narked if your DF doesn't spend what you deem to be 'enough'. Bitterness about the cost of a ring doesn't seem like a great way to start a marriage. What's next - bitterness on how much is spent on the wedding/honeymoon/eternity ring etc etc.

FWIW my DH spent about a quarter of a months salary on mine. We chose it together, and I LOVE it. DH was worried that it was too cheap (he had heard about the whole month's salary crock) and was worried he was being stingy. I told him not to be so silly, and that it was a win-win to have a ring I loved, with more money left over for the wedding!

I hope you call him MrQ in RL!!!

LeQueen I have not said that a cheap or in my case the absence of a ring makes a marriage more valid.

I would feel very uneasy tens of thousands on a ring so IMO it is vulgar and unecessary. Having spent that first time round I also know that in itself is no proof of anything.

Having had an almost limitless supply of money and then losing it all overnight means that material things mean nothing to me. I gave away every piece of jewellery I owned within my marraige and found it very empowering.

But lequeen is right maybe we splurge on the thing that we know about or love. Perhaps luckily for me it is good food which is not that expensive.

"LeQueen Sun 02-May-10 16:53:30
I can't really imagine the scenario of someone standing in the jewellers with their very affluent DP and insisting that the jeweller only shows them the tray with the bargin bucket rings on it 'Because it's the thought that really counts and the sincereity of our love transcends material worth' etc..."

We could have spent thousands on a ring, dp offered knowing that my previous ring was a stonker ( sadly the man was a stinker )

I said no, that doesn't make me odd just different from you.