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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder about this woman...

190 replies

biddysmama · 27/04/2010 17:31

was a woman in asda with a small (maybe 4 months ish) baby, in a pram.. he was crying, she leaned into the pram said "why dont you justshut the fuck up" then turned to her friend and said "he never stops fucking crying"

not only is that not ok (in my book) but her friend didnt look shocked!

OP posts:
sterrryerryoh · 27/04/2010 18:59

Having had some training for the children's service in social care, I would like to say that swearing at a child in the manner described by the OP, IS abusive and should be seen as so. Granted the 4 month old can't understand the language - but will one day - and the type of children who are forcibly taken into care are often traumatised by this kind of verbal abuse - assuming (massive assumption here, but the pattern fits) that this kind of sneering/swearing continues in private.
Even very small babies can be affected by that kind of verbal/emotional abuse, and it oftentimes manifests when the child is older.
It's a shame that it isn't seen as "wrong" more often, but I'm afraid it's fairly indicative of many facets of society - and certainly wouldn't be out of place in my local Asda either
It probably isn't an example of when to call social services, but it is a worrying trend...

usualsuspect · 27/04/2010 18:59

Some people live in the real world tho ...not MN land ...its not nice to swear at a baby but not the end of the world ...and also the what do you expect in asda shite gets on my tits

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/04/2010 19:00

Well we have to agree to disagree on whether it was unharmful or not skidoodly. Sadly, I think many people are too cowed by the type of "mind your own fucking business" reaction they fear they might get when deciding whether or not intervention by an adult is required in some tragic cases.

jonicomelately · 27/04/2010 19:01

I shop in Asda. And believe me, I live in the real world. I still totally disapprove of this behaviour.

RockSteady · 27/04/2010 19:01

I don't have a problem with swearing and have unfortunately said something along the lines of 'pleeease shut the fuck up' to a persistantly crying baby in the early hours of the morning.
I think the worst thats going to happen in this case is the child will grow up unable to have a conversation without swearing because of what it learns from its mum which is a bit sad

FioFio · 27/04/2010 19:02

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skidoodly · 27/04/2010 19:04

"Why should we and our children have to listen to and witness other people's bad behaviour?"

Because you live in the world with other humans.

You sound like a right cunt to me, but I have to share the world with you and read your inane indignation about fuck all.

noddyholder · 27/04/2010 19:05

I agree fio I have a bit of a short fuse at times and certainly live in the real world but we need to be sending a message that speaking to children like that is wrong full stop.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/04/2010 19:05

Roffle!

fearnelinen · 27/04/2010 19:05

OMG what a wierd thread.
Loads of people saying that it is verbal abuse and indicative of a bad mother, yet their posts are littered with foul language .
I particularily like alouiseg's FIRST post which describes someone as a "dozy bitch who doesn't deserve a baby". And then her SECOND post that calls us all c*s. How are you any better than this woman? I'm pretty sure a few posts that you disagree with is entirely different to 4 months of constant screaming and clearly struggling to cope.

I want to start a hug a mum campaign in direct competition to the judge a mum campaign that clearly exists now.

Oh, and if you hate MN and all that it stands for, please go elsewhere?

noddyholder · 27/04/2010 19:05

skidoodly that is unneccesary Why so angry?

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/04/2010 19:06

Not at you Noddy

Fruitysunshine · 27/04/2010 19:06

Different people have different standards as to what is an acceptable way to speak and treat their children.

For us, our children are the most important people in our lives and as such are treated with respect. My eldest is nearly 18, my youngest is two and I don't believe I have ever used verbally aggressive/abusive language to any of them. Words like fuck and cunt, etc are aggressive terms as far as I am concerned and there is not place in parenting for them.

It is human nature to want to defend and protect your children but surely to expose them to that type/level of aggression is not part of that? Where is the care and compassion?

I agree with the OP that it was an awful way to speak to a newborn. Bad day or not, using your children as your "stress ball" is an poor excuse for bad parenting. If you spoke to an adult like that your behaviour would certainly be challenged but not by a child....

Madascheese · 27/04/2010 19:07

Jeeze! Some people don't do stuff as well as we like to think we do. Get. Over. It.

There are lots of things I don't want my child to witness and I don't particularly want to witness, stuff that really matters in the world.

I don't say fuck a lot and I don't 'defend scummy behaviour'. I just try to treat people the way I'd like to be treated - oh actually perhaps AIBU isn't the best place for me, if it's all about jumping to conclusions and not actually voicing an opinion on if I think something is unreasonable or not.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/04/2010 19:08

I have no problem with adults swearing at adults btw out of earshot of children.

Can't think of anything less up my street than a hug a mum campaign either.

noddyholder · 27/04/2010 19:09

bibbity

FioFio · 27/04/2010 19:10

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Message withdrawn

BuzzingNoise · 27/04/2010 19:12

Ellie, I disagree about bog roll. We've had economy stuff this week (due to a fiscal error on DH's part ) and it's been a bloomin' nightmare.
Can't wait to get Asda Shades Andrex again.

jonicomelately · 27/04/2010 19:13

Skidoodly. What a strong reaction

For your information I am not a cunt

Yes, I live in with other humans, but so do they! Why should I respect their right to act badly when you and they can't accept my right to disapprove?

noddyholder · 27/04/2010 19:16

everyone loses it from time to time and some people have more stressful lives and cope in different ways but we should not be normalising this sort of behaviour

fearnelinen · 27/04/2010 19:17

Yes, yes, hug a mum was clearly a joke, but my point is, isn't this behaviour:

"A lovely lovely mum from school witnessed it, came over and walked with us to school. She didn't judge, she chatted brightly to me about how they know what buttons to push and how hard it is to be a parent and how we all have bad days. She saved my sanity that day."

sooo much better than this:

"I might have said something to her, taken a photo of her on my phone and told her i was calling social services."

And when you're judging someone for the language they're using, isn't it a better argument if you steer clear of calling people bitches and cunts?

elliemental · 27/04/2010 19:18

ah buzzing, now I think on't, DH will not let any form of eco-bog-roll in the house, after a distressing weekend of mild food poisoning and Sainsburys Basics loo roll. And we couldn't trust our sphincter-muscles enough to go out and get anything more, erm, robust!

FioFio · 27/04/2010 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BuzzingNoise · 27/04/2010 19:22

Maybe the woman in question had economy bog roll - that is enough to make anyone swear.

skidoodly · 27/04/2010 19:22

PMSL @ the right to disapprove

Is that one of those confounded Human Rights we're always hearing about? No wonder those nice Tories want to do away with the HRA.

"we need to be sending a message that speaking to children like that is wrong full stop."

Please, please stop it. I can't take any more of the hilarity

You should start a Facebook group

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