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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder about this woman...

190 replies

biddysmama · 27/04/2010 17:31

was a woman in asda with a small (maybe 4 months ish) baby, in a pram.. he was crying, she leaned into the pram said "why dont you justshut the fuck up" then turned to her friend and said "he never stops fucking crying"

not only is that not ok (in my book) but her friend didnt look shocked!

OP posts:
Madascheese · 27/04/2010 18:08

Alouise

I'm not defending the indefensible, no one is, what seems to be the consensus is that you're making a whole heap of assumptions and asking everyone to go along with a 5 second snapshot you witnessed.

I'd hate to think anyone based their judgement on my entire paretning ability based on one of littlemads animalistic howls when I won't let him eat the toy of the front of the Thomas Magazines or whatever I'm telling him not to do.

Have you never had a moment like that? where you are mortified/upset/stressed beyond your limits?

You are in fact the one who's saying 'if she's like this in public imagine what's shes like at home.

elliemental · 27/04/2010 18:09

BALDY - I remember singing to the tune of Eidelweiss, like a lullaby ''shut the fuck up, go to sleep, give me a fucking break now...'' after my ds's colicky went on for 14 weeks from 4pm to 2am.....

BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/04/2010 18:09

no ganging up here, just a convergence of opinion

BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/04/2010 18:10

oh ellie, I feel a bit tearful at that

SirBoobAlot · 27/04/2010 18:10

Everyone makes mistakes... I agree its not okay, but I think there are some slight over reactions going on. Personally I would have been appalled. But then again, DS had colic for the first four-five months (has thankfully started to ease off now we are approaching the six month mark.), and if her child was screaming constant like DS did, I can totally see why she would want him to "shut the fuck up".

Saying it is a difference matter, however, and the fact the "why don't you just" was added on before hand seems to hold more venom IMHO.

Madascheese · 27/04/2010 18:10

arf at elliemental!

Mine went, 'go to sleep, go to sleep precious baby mine. go to sleep go to sleep so Mummy can have some wine'

Pronoia · 27/04/2010 18:11

Would it have been better if she had used to same tone, but replaced "fuckin" with "Tossing"?

Would that have made it only slightly deplorable, instead of a social services case?

How about if she had used to word "Deflowering" instead?

"He just never stops deflowering crying"

maybe the baby never does stop crying, and that rather than being disparaging, she was merely stating a fact.

What about the word "poot"?

"Why don't you just shut the poot up? (aside) He just never stops pooting crying"

IT'S ONLY A WORD.

differentID · 27/04/2010 18:12

My manager has asked one woman to leave the shop due to the foul language she was using during a phone call.
Every second word was "fuck" and there were a couple of "cunts" and "wanker bastards" as well. She had her toddler in a pushchair, and she was making no effort to be discreet- I could hear her from the other side of the shop floor.

She genuinely disn't realise she was swearing , it was so commonplace for her to use those words. She went out like a lamb, even though she looked as rough as a badgers arse and could have flattened any of us with one punch.

AchillesTortoise · 27/04/2010 18:14

Not you BALD, but a couple of posters early on.

We always get threads like this where people try to make themselves feel better about things they've done by saying 'well we all do it'.

And I definitely don't include toccataanfudge in that because I think she's doing a fantastic job with all the crap that's been thrown at her

FioFio · 27/04/2010 18:16

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elliemental · 27/04/2010 18:16

It's ok, when he stopped screaming, I fell in love with him all over again. He is 12 now and extremely anti-swearing.

Point is, everyone thought I was a saint because he was such a difficult baby. I was praised by everyone. But I was just as bad as this woman. just didn't do it in public.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/04/2010 18:16

But this wasn't a child, Madas. This was a very small baby.

I am extremely reluctant to put myself into any sort of camp with Alouise, but are we not allowed to be a little bit horrified at this sort of attitutde towards babies any more?

What the op describes seems to me to be a different kettle of fish to the usual "FFS" we have all muttered to ourselves when our babies won't stop crying. I am sure she is capable of empathising with someone who is at the end of her tether. I sort of wonder why she wanted to share that little snapshot with us. Perhaps she is lucky enough not to witness it very often and was shocked.

FioFio · 27/04/2010 18:17

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GinSlinger · 27/04/2010 18:17

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck a doodle doo.

elliemental · 27/04/2010 18:18

Meant to add, I was suffering from undiagnosed PND at the time.

Pronoia · 27/04/2010 18:20

That's my point about the tone.

Screaming into the pram "WHY DON'T YOU STOP FUCKING CRYING!!!" would be horrifying for anyone to witness.

But a desperate tearful plea "Why don't you stop fucking crying???" is precisely the same sentence with an entirely different tone, and I would find that both forgivable and very sad (for the poor desperate mother).

But only the OP knows what they heard. Tone does not come across well in type.

JackBauer · 27/04/2010 18:22

awesome. I never knew that swearing in asda scores more shit mother points than swearing in sansbury's
What if I say bollocks in tesco
Is that better or worse.

I admit to having a mouth like a sewer, always have except when working, and it took me until dd1 was about 6 months to control it. Occasionally i slip now, the other day i said shit but imwas in the park so does that counteract the bad mother points somehow?

Madascheese · 27/04/2010 18:22

Fair enough bibbity, and I did say I found it sad, but I'm not prepared to stand in horrified judgement of anyone based on a snapshot of maybe 5 seconds of their life.

If that Mum is on here reading this feeling at the end of her tether wondering which way to turn, maybe thinking of posting on one of the support threads she'll be well chuffed to think she's already been judged and sentanced.

wannaBe · 27/04/2010 18:22

I really don't like to hear people swearing at children. I vividly remember years ago in Cardiff, getting off a bus, and as I walked home there was a woman across the road talking to a child who I would estimate was about three, saying "you're a selfish little bitch, and when you geth ome you're going straight to bed."

But I bet there isn't a single one of us that hasn't told a child, even a baby, to shut up at some point. The fact that the f-word was in there makes it somewhat more harsh, but the intent is the same, and for some people the f-word is just a part of their vocabulary. No I don't understand it, but I've encountered it enough to realize that it's not uncommon for people to use such language without consideration.

FioFio · 27/04/2010 18:22

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FioFio · 27/04/2010 18:24

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SirBoobAlot · 27/04/2010 18:25

Ellie I at your post. Everytime DS has a fit of colic that lasts six years an hour or more, by the end of it I am going out of my mind. But once we've sorted it and back to his usual chatty babbling self, then I love him more than anything. When he's screeching however, I would more than happily put him on ebay

Olifin · 27/04/2010 18:27

'And I definitely don't include toccataanfudge in that because I think she's doing a fantastic job with all the crap that's been thrown at her'

Achilles that hits the nail on the head, IMO, as none of us know what kind of crap may have been thrown at the woman in the supermarket.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/04/2010 18:28

I'll just say again that I think the op could probably differentiate between someone having a desperate moment and someone who hasn't got a clue about caring for a baby.

If we start from the standpoint of accusing the op of being unecessarily judgemental, then we may as well accuse her of trolling.

Downdog · 27/04/2010 18:29

poor kid