As an atheist to not want to go to family Christenings?

[Beegey]

Part of DH's family are fairly pious. I respect their religious views but quietly disagree with them.

However, as time goes on, I am finding myself increasingly uncomfortable at religious events, mostly christenings and baptisms. I have been able to grin and bear it in the past, particularly if DH is a godparent but now I just can't shake the feeling that I don't belong there and usually spend the service wishing I wasn't.

SIL had a baby last year and I expect he will be christened this summer. AIBU to politely decline the invitation to the christening (though DH and DD will still go) but maybe go to the little tea reception after or should I just continue to stick it out, even though I really don't want to just for the sake of family harmony?

Not an immediately pressing concern but I think I should have my answer ready...

I thought perhaps I could stay at the house and help prepare for the party in the afternoon.

AIBU??

I'd have said there's hign church Anglican, and there's catholic, but no such thing as high church catholic.

Nooka -Used to go to lots of Happy clappy sing out loud play your tamborine RC services, as well as the moer traditional ones. Don't attend them so much now but loved them in my teens.
"shine Jesus Shine"

Oh yes, I've been to a variety too. I wonder if most people just assume that all Catholic services must be high? Mostly it depends on the character of the priest and the nature of the congregation I think.

Anyway my traditionalist uncles and aunts like the formal approch, and prefer their sermons on the intellectual side. I suspect that they think the happy clappy variant is too overt and somewhat vulgar, with possibly a bit of sackcloth and ashes thrown in. My sister's church was incredibly in your face (tea and biscuits after the service always came with getting trapped in corners and being asked "have you been saved" type questions). Plus the songs really were dire (although I'd be the to say that some of the traditional catholic hymns are terrible).

I'm an atheist and I attend church christenings/weddings/funerals.

I attend out of respect for the people who are holding the events.

I am a 'militant atheist' - but I also offer the same respect to people that I would like for myself. If I had a humanist ceremony for something and religious people declined to attend because it sat wrongly with their principles I'd be upset - so I wouldn't want to do that to other people.

I understand, I used to feel very uncomfortable at christenings, especially when the congregation had to say things like "I believe". Now I just sit and observe like I would in any religious ceremony. By attending it shows that you care about the people who have invited you to share their day. I love my best friend so much that I agreed to be a godparent to her daughter, but made it clear to her that I do not believe in God, she was ok with this. I went along with the ceremony as it meant a lot to her, it had no religious significance to me. (I'm sure the font was bubbling away as I approached)

Well that's not been my experience. My father and family are Catholic, and we always went to church wherever we were, so I have attended many church services in many different churches. I have experienced a great deal of variation. Sure the words of the service are set, but the style is not.

My father likes the more formal sort of service, and goes to Abbeys/Cathedrals by preference. There every service has incense and singing - it's not unusual for much of the service to be sung. Sermons are solemn and fairly high brow, and the atmosphere is heavy and quiet. Hymns are old and traditional, accompanied by choirs and an organ. When I was a child I went to a very family friendly happy clappy sort of catholic church, with tambourines and folk singing and general informality, children being involved etc etc. That church never used incense, and the priest rarely dressed up in ornate vestments. You can still find these differences, and I term them high and low mainly because my elder sister who is a vicar (CoE) uses them of both Catholic and CoE churches, and she knows far more priests and churches than I do (lots of joint work with different ministries in her area). I've also seen the terms used in the liturgical press.

agree with math and Habbibui

Nooka our parish has childrens mass in morning, A formal at mid day and then happy clappy at 6.30 (full of teenagers)It's the same church.Just RC nothing else.

Never seen it in Liturgical press re RC churches.

sorry for the highjack

I've just never heard the terms high or low used in describing RC, only Anglicanism. I used to be Catholic (am now atheist), family still are, and our church had several different types of mass on a Sunday.

And cathedral masses vary a lot - Liverpool Cathedral, for example, doesn't lay on the incense, though there is a cathedral choir.

I think if feel that strongly about Christianity you should cut all communication with them
;o

Ah well I'm sure that there is plenty of variation, and it's probably increased since I was a regular church goer. It's not something that is terribly relevant to me any more. Suffice it to say that the difference between Westminster Cathedral, where my aunts/grandmother liked to go was very different to the Holy Trinity Brompton, enough so that they didn't enjoy the latter.

Dh & I are atheists and went to Catholic baptism recently. We've found it has got easier as we've become more confident in our lack of belief and I quite enjoyed the first bit seeing it from a touristy point of view. I did take the chance to go outside early with DD2, aged 2, when she started saying loudly 'I don't like this'. I want the girls to respect different people but not feel they have to join in.

DH and DD1 stayed and CONFIDENTLY did n't sing or say amen but sat down and stood when necessary, just like, well, tourists in a strange land.

They did shake hands with their neighbours because thats a nice thing to do and the lady thanked DH for allowing her to bless him, which was nice.

Good idea offering to help but otherwise be respectful and confident.

bobdog - "We've found it has got easier as we've become more confident in our lack of belief" - interesting you'd say that as an atheist; as a believer I'd say exactly the same. Almost everyone I've met who takes a dogmatic, intolerant view of religion (whether they be religious or atheist) seems, under the surface, to not be as confident in their choices on belief as you are. I've always thought this was the reason for their being so dogmatic.

I think your idea of staying home and helping prepare stuff is pretty cool. As someone with a faith, I respect your desire not to be a hypocrite about all of this. If it galls you that much, it's probably best you don't go to the service itself, but by offering to help out you're showing that you're willing to help the family celebrate the way they want to and noone is compromised.
Personally I think people of faith should respect the fact that some people are not believers and we should all take each other as we are.
Do what you feel is right is what I'd say.