As an atheist to not want to go to family Christenings?

[Beegey]

Part of DH's family are fairly pious. I respect their religious views but quietly disagree with them.

However, as time goes on, I am finding myself increasingly uncomfortable at religious events, mostly christenings and baptisms. I have been able to grin and bear it in the past, particularly if DH is a godparent but now I just can't shake the feeling that I don't belong there and usually spend the service wishing I wasn't.

SIL had a baby last year and I expect he will be christened this summer. AIBU to politely decline the invitation to the christening (though DH and DD will still go) but maybe go to the little tea reception after or should I just continue to stick it out, even though I really don't want to just for the sake of family harmony?

Not an immediately pressing concern but I think I should have my answer ready...

I thought perhaps I could stay at the house and help prepare for the party in the afternoon.

AIBU??

Minipie...that's kind of where I'm at...I just don't understand all this principle/drama over going to a christening...no matter what your belief!

Eve (again! I'm not stalking you, honest!) The problem with infant baptism, as I understand it, is that if you baptise a baby Catholic/CofE/CofS/whatever, you take away it's choice later in life - to become Muslim, or whatever. I was myself christened and am not yet uncomfortable with that, but I have heard of others who seek to renounce their baptism. There doesn't seem to be an easy way to do that.

you don't take away peoples choices by baptising them catholics. If they want to become muslim when their adults they can.

I think it's hypercritical to accept God parent status if you're a non-believer, but not to attend an event.

You don't have to participate, like you say you can keep sctum during the prayers etc... and if I was your SIL it would spoil the Christening to have family members objecting so strongly they don't go.

Live, let live, and respect other people's choices.

BAFE, do you know how to renounce a baptism? Of any variety? (Genuine curiosity)

Beegey - as a fellow atheist I'm not sure I quite have your reaction to the ceremony - I just don't say any of the statements during the service. But I can understand how uncomfortable this is making you feel. If you're unable to relax and will be sitting there tense with a catsbum mouth , maybe the suggestion of offering to help set up the after-party is the way to try?

Sterryyyerroyoh congratulations on your adoption, and good luck with the christening. I did know that birth families could make these requests, and had assumed it would mean that the child would be matched with a family who wanted to bring them up in a particular faith. Makes it a bit tricky for you!

Have you thought of doing a naming ceremony/welcoming party as well?

We had one with a lovely celebrant from the British Humanist Association and it was such a moving and happy experience. The more pious Christians in the family said they thought it was much better than a baptism . It is very personal, as you work with the celebrant to write your own ceremony. Am so glad we did it.

AFAIK you just renounce it. Not something you make a big deal about. Baptism is not a legal ceremony in the same way as marriage is and you have to go through the courts to end a marriage.

You can't change the fact that you've been baptised or married but you can end a marriage legally. You can't end a baptism because it's not a legal ceremony. You simply stop following the religion you were baptised in.

Maybe that's one of the resaons I have a problem with it then - you can't take the baptism away. There's a note of mine on my birth certificate.

I may be over-thinking this, I'm rather tired after a nightshift.

Baptism doesn't make you a Christian, and lack of baptism doesn't stop you from being a Christian.

Infant baptism is a chance for parents to say that they intend to raise the child as a Christian, and hope that the child will decide to confirm that when they reach adulthood. It's not binding on the parents - they might mean it at the time but later change their mind, or they might never have meant it at all. And its not the faintest bit binding on the child.

So, you don't have to do anything to renounce baptism, either to join another faith or to be an atheist or agnostic.

I agree that baptising a child is, to some extent, narrowing its choices later in life. And personally I don't agree with that.

But that is the child's parents' decision to make. Your friends will make lots of parenting decisions you don't agree with. It's not your place to protest at any of them, unless they are actually being abusive, and I don't think anyone is suggesting baptism/christening is abusive.

I think that this is an attention seeking exercise on your part and frankly just get a grip, this is not about you.

By attending a baptism you are not having to do anything other than respect and support your family's or friends wishes - it is not about your wishes it is about having the generosity of spirit to support someone elses choice.

agree with tartyhighheels. Have found from these boards athiests do tend to be very "me,me,me" in general.

In what way is helping with the party "me,me,me"?

because she doing what she wants, instead of thinking about what other people want.

YANBU
We have a few atheists in our family and I told them that if they were uncomfortable they could just come to the tea afterwards.

Surely other people want the party too?

Everybody cam for the tea afterwards, not just the atheists!

I am a fairly militant atheist. I am also a Godmother to two children (nephew and friend's son). The parents know my (non)beliefs and asked me for reasons outside of religion. And I accepted because they asked me and I was the choice they made for their child. And outside of the supernatural bit, I believe that there is a role for baptisms and a role for 'god' parents - I just don't happen to believe one word of the fairytale they dress it up in.

I won't have my son christened though.

I'm an atheist from a RC family; it would cause great upset if I refused to attend ceremonies. I'd also feel rather adolescent refusing, as though I was trying to draw attention to myself on someone else's special day. However, there's no need to say anything (e.g. renouncing the devil and all his works) that you don't believe, just stay tight-lipped, and don't feel you have to kneel either. I think of it like not joining in the national anthem (as an anti-royalist). If anyone even notices, IME the priest will respect your wish not to be hypocritical, and so should your family.

I still want to know why the OP won't renounce Satan

I think it helps, if like me, you are an atheist who loves churches and singing

I agree with Eve, as well

Re: renouncing a baptism.

A group of students at the university I used to work at organised their own baptism-renouncing event. They all designed little ceremonies, mostly quite daft, and acted as witnesses to one another. They were part of an atheist group that did things like this from time to time.

If you really don't want to go to a christening, just say you've got D&V and let your DH go instead. It's lying, it's not very nice, but it works and it doesn't make you look like an attention seeker.

Oh yes, I love hymns as well.

be the bigger and person and go. I suspect that fuss and attenttion from NOT going will be greater that the mild discomfort when you are there....

By going you are not endorsing their religious views,you just are supporting them on a key moment.