As an atheist to not want to go to family Christenings?

[Beegey]

Part of DH's family are fairly pious. I respect their religious views but quietly disagree with them.

However, as time goes on, I am finding myself increasingly uncomfortable at religious events, mostly christenings and baptisms. I have been able to grin and bear it in the past, particularly if DH is a godparent but now I just can't shake the feeling that I don't belong there and usually spend the service wishing I wasn't.

SIL had a baby last year and I expect he will be christened this summer. AIBU to politely decline the invitation to the christening (though DH and DD will still go) but maybe go to the little tea reception after or should I just continue to stick it out, even though I really don't want to just for the sake of family harmony?

Not an immediately pressing concern but I think I should have my answer ready...

I thought perhaps I could stay at the house and help prepare for the party in the afternoon.

AIBU??

OldLadyKnowsNothing I don't feel stalked, don't worry!!

I was baptised Roman Catholic, same as my two DCs. What a previous poster said was correct...it's not a legal ceremony, so if my children choose to follow a different religion, there is nothing to stop them doing it.
I do understand the narrow view thing...I was brought up Catholic, and that was all I knew of religion until I was an adult and started exploring things on my own. So, yes, I agree with you all on that. However, again, baptism doesn't HURT, and now we know it doesn't really limit people if they decide they want to believe something else.

It wouldn't hurt to offer to coordinate the party preparations so that they can relax knowing that someone they trust is taking care of it. If they decline the offer, I would go to the ceremony to support your family.

FWIW, I have been to a Buddhist wedding and a hindu wedding. I am not a devotee of either belief system but it was lovely to go and support my friends and both were enjoyable occasions.

Also, the day is about them not you. Sorry if this comes across as harsh, I don't mean it to, but if you love them and it makes them happy, why would you not want to share it with them?

I am an atheist and have no problem going to family events as long as no one expects me to sing to hymns, pray or participate in any way. I do feel massively uncomfortable in church as I'm not christened and was brought up to be atheist. My nephew's christening was the first time I'd been into a church for a proper service so I also had the not knowing when to stand up and sit down malarky to deal with. It was very awkward when everyone bar DP and I went and took communion.

I also have objections to the ceremony. I dislike the idea that a baby is born with sin and has to be cleansed of it. It makes me feel kind of sick to think about it actually. I didn't mention this to SIL though, if she wants to have a ceremony in a pretty place then that is up to her and I'll go along to celebrate the birth of her children.

Dont go to the christening bit. I attended my nephew's christening and it was the most excruiating event ever. I felt my buttocks clenching as the priest/vicar, whatever they're called, enticed all the children to the front by bribing them with a game then WHAM, hit them with the god thing.

I had to leave, couldnt stand to be in there any more so walked out. Just my mere presence felt I was condoning the shit that spewed forth.

Even my brother who only agreed to the christening as his wife is manically religous walked out to !!. Said no way will he go through that ordeal again.

I think new parents get so wrapped up in the event, they dont realise that for most people they are dull, boring and tedious.

TRIFLE

what a nasty post, are you se happy in your atheist views that you think its OK to call religion "shit", and make such scathing nasty comments

I would not dream of making comments like that about atheists. You dont like it, thats fine. But keep your nasty snide views to yourself, or temper them down

vile

Don't remember me saying I was an atheist. If I feel something is shit I'm quite entitled to say so.

I agree with porcamiseria, despite being an atheist. I'd never call someones personal beliefs shit. Nasty and uncalled for.

You are certainly not BU to not want to go to a religious ceremony just to please other people! It is people who think you should go and keep quiet that are BU.

Surely churches are places where religious people go to celebrate their shared belief in God and an atheist would, by the churches very nature, not be welcome to attend???

Be brave and explain how you feel so you don't spend the rest of your life dreading invitations arriving! Your friends and family will come round to the idea. Just as you respect the fact that they believe, they should accept that you do not.

Okay...so another point, and this is purely on the religion aspect of things...how can you object to something you don't believe in? For example: I don't object to my DCs being 'cleansed of sin', because I don't believe they were born with sin. I don't object to sitting in a church at any religious ceremony, because I don't believe in any of it. Sitting there doesn't mean you condone it...you're just sitting there. Too many of you seem to have an 'imagined audience'...you have this belief that everyone will be watching you...NOT taking communion, NOT saying the prayers, NOT singing. Please...get over yourselves! Nobody else cares what you are doing, they are focused on the baby/bride and groom/person who passed.

Get a grip...I'm sorry but all this 'Ohh, I'm so uncomfortable in a church, and I'll stick out if I go' is just making it all about you, and it's not!

That's not the way I see it brightyoungthing. Genuinely religious people are accepting and welcoming. Churches are community places

Once again - I agree Eve

I don't think trifle's comments are vile, For non-believers religion is very weird, just as people may find atheist views strange. I would have walked out too and if she thinks religion is shit then she is entitled to say so IMO.

I wouldn't call religion 'shit' but I would call some stuff that I have heard from the pulpit under the guise of religion in our local church 'shit' because it IS. The vicar making homilies about current affairs that plea fo self-serving actions and prayers - generally for the agressor, comments about the way people live thier lives - and not biblically founded comments, either.

Shit is talked in all sorts of settings - parliament, schools, and churches! Why should churches be given special dispensation from hearing people's opinions?

However, BACK TO THE OP. YABU. Although I am an atheist, I gladly attend events where people who are religious graciously invite me to celebrate their event, I am happy to support them, and can't see in what way my principles are compromised by my being at the event. I have attended religious events (weddings, funerals, baptisms etc) in CoE, Catholic, Jewish, Hindu and Muslim settings. I sing if I feel like it, but don't pray or take part in specific rituals - such as communion. Being an atheist doesn't mean it compromises my belief to celebrate an event within someone else's belief.

Thanks, Jamie! BleachedWhale Great point there to the OP...very well said.

dull boring and tedious for me too and i'm a believer!

bleached whales post is excelelnt and sums it up

I'm a committed Christian and if you declined to come to the baptism of my dcs then I would be disappointed but respectful.

But my bestest oldest friend is Muslim and she read at my wedding, my DH's bestest oldest friend is an atheist and he was a witness.

Trifle I know I'm prejudiced but I don't recognise my church in your description

Does nobody do anything for other people any more? Does everybody just do what they want and only what they want then? Because I'm obviously doing this all wrong. I'm dizzy doing things for other people, going to events and parties and the like because people would be upset if I didn't. Presumably the OP's family/friends/whatever have invited her because they want her there. If it's too much trouble for her she ought to tell them straight, that'd solve the problem because I wouldn't want someone so selfish there. It's so bloody self centred it's actually funny. How can you respect other people's choice regarding religion if you can't do them the courtesy of thinking of them for half a day?

My MIL is the biggest atheist going, but she sits through the Catholic weddings of her children and the baptisms of the grandchildren without a peep, because the day is for them, not for her. No one is asking you to stand up and give a sermon, or even to open your mouth if you don't want to; you're not organising it or paying for it so stop being so precious and keep your mouth shut for half an hour or whatever. Is that too hard?

Eve, I don't think that saying 'I'm uncomfortable in church but I'll stick it out' is making it all about me. Its not something I would say to anyone who invited me to a religious ceremony, I would just go. I might say it to DP privately but I am well aware that the day is about my SIL, BIL and their new baby and as such I am happy to be there. I don't think my principles are in any way being harmed by being there but I also don't want to do anything to offend the people that really believe what is being said by inadvertently behaving inappropriately.

The thing about cleansing from sin is a big deal to me because I hate to imagine that these people actually think that I am sinful because I am not baptised. I don't think I am because I don't believe in the concept but I do like these people and I want them to like me and not to be horrified that I wasn't splashed with a bit of water as a child (or an adult for that matter).

Ant...you misquoted me slightly!
I just don't care what others think, so I guess that helps when thinking of the baptism issue. I know who I am, like the choice that I've made, and don't have friends or family who would think less of me for not being religious/baptised, whatever.

ant3nna FWIW - Christians believe that we are all sinful - the fact that someone has been baptised doesn't stop them from being sinful. So, nobody in church should be thinking that they are better than you just because they are baptised and you aren't.

"Sin" in Christian theology doesn't mean "evil" or even "doing bad things" it means "lack of perfection" and "distance from God" - Christians believe that, no matter how well be behave we are still never going to be perfect. Imperfect but forgiven is the best we can strive for.

To the OP:

The thing is, the baptism is a big deal to them. So if you don't go, and you say that it is because you don't believe, that is a big deal to them.

Can you put yourself in their position? If they had refused to attend your (presumably civil) wedding ceremony saying that it was because "it wasn't a real (ie religious) wedding", how would you have felt?

Eve, my eyes are deceiving me

I do know that sin is different from evil but was rather taken aback with how shocked the ILs were that I hadn't been baptised. I've had this reaction from other people too and a lot of 'It wouldn't have hurt your parents to have you christened'. Christians shouldn't think themselves better by IME, some do.

AmumInScotland:
Beautiful comment you have made: Imperfect but forgiven! Just all take a few minutes to meditate on that. What a gift!