As an atheist to not want to go to family Christenings?

[Beegey]

Part of DH's family are fairly pious. I respect their religious views but quietly disagree with them.

However, as time goes on, I am finding myself increasingly uncomfortable at religious events, mostly christenings and baptisms. I have been able to grin and bear it in the past, particularly if DH is a godparent but now I just can't shake the feeling that I don't belong there and usually spend the service wishing I wasn't.

SIL had a baby last year and I expect he will be christened this summer. AIBU to politely decline the invitation to the christening (though DH and DD will still go) but maybe go to the little tea reception after or should I just continue to stick it out, even though I really don't want to just for the sake of family harmony?

Not an immediately pressing concern but I think I should have my answer ready...

I thought perhaps I could stay at the house and help prepare for the party in the afternoon.

AIBU??

I think that's a good rule to live by, no matter what you believe (or don't!)!!!

personally I think it's a load of tosh (Virgin birth - come on!!!) however there are relatively few occasions that bring families together to celebrate life's milestones and this is one of them.

That is why I don't think you should exclude yourself. Finding a way to be involved whilst not attending the church isn't such a bad idea.
It's not all about the church - but coming together as an extended family, which is often a lovely thing (well in most families).

At the risk of being impertinent, is the reason you don't want to attend really that you genuinely feel uncomfortable in church because of your atheism? Or is it more that you are finding DH's "fairly pious" family all a bit irritating and have hit upon a polite way of conveying this to them?

If you don´t go to the Christening, why would you go to the celebration afterwards?

I think you go to both or neither tbh.

Would you refuse to go to a family church wedding? If you would then a baptism would be no different, but not on faith grounds really.

i don't think there is anything at all, but would go to any number of diferent family occasions whether funerals baptisms or birthdays - I don't think it really matters, churches to me are quite beautiful buildings with historic meaning and the service inside I useually wnader in thoughts of my own...

it's the part when they make you read along with all the other christians about renouncing all evil, and i just stare at the floor hoping no one notices. i'd refuse to be someone's godparent just because i'd feel a hypocrite.

the thought isnt unreasonable as i hate it too, but you should probably go, at any rate, they tend to have afterparties, which means FREE FOOD!

I wouldn't go because it's silly. Why would you want to go to a strange ritualistic thing like that if you don't even believe in it!
I would sneak into the church afterwards on my own though because they aren't open much nowdays and I like looking at the architecture and monuments.

Quite a big difference between a wedding and a christening, IMHO, Ivyk. Wedding are all about 'let's celebrate this couple and God bless the union etc', something practically everyone can get behind.

Christening are more 'we promise to bring up this child in a Christian community and fight against evil for them'. As I said before, much more hardcore.

Which is also why I think any non-believers should plump for a nice naming ceremony rather than a full blown christening, but YMMV...

Floweryapron...for some, these 'strange ritualistic things' aren't silly. And you go, because it's a family function and important to them. And, it some situations, is ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOU!

I would go and smile and say some of the words and just skip whole chunks of it while looking respectful.

Now I am an atheist who thinks that religion is actively bad (for individuals and society) not just meaningless. So if I can I reckon anyone can.

The principle that going would be seen as endorsing religion (in some small way) bothers me a bit too, but I'd go for my friend's sake.

If it makes you feel any better you will not be the only atheist there. The baby is still an atheist.

Oh and of course I'd never agree to be godparent. That would be wrong as it would be my fervent hope that they grew up free from such things.

YABU

I think this day is about them and their celebration. That what matters are their wishes as parents [and later perhaps the baby's wishes on their wedding day etc]. You have been invited to share in an event they see as significant and therefore need to find joy and gratitude at being included.

This is for them, not for you - and therefore is nothing to do with your feelings and shouldn't be seen as a reflection of them. Hence I can attend an athiests naming ceremony and you can attend a Christians baptism.

Simples

Is athiest with an A or an a?

IsItMeOr - thanks for your post and congrats. They do often try and match adopted children with families of the same faith - but in our case, it was a question of birth mother deciding at the 11th hour that she wanted this as a proviso - she's not actually a practising christian herself, and it wasn't really important to anyone else in the birth family - go figure!? Thanks for your tip on the humanist services - I had a look, and we're really keen on doing something like that. Christenings aren't for me, but as someone else said (sorry - forgot who!) it's kind of about the family and what they want. I don't enjoy christenings, and sometimes get a bit irritated if they're too fire and brimstoney, but it really is just about welcoming a little person into the world/family!
This is a really interesting thread

YANBU to not want to go to the christening. YABU if the family really want you there and you wont go.

If you get on well enough with your SIL, why don't you just ask her if she'd like you to stay at home and get the tea sorted as you don't really mind missing the church ceremony?

sterryerryoh - we had a naming ceremony and a Baptism.

I can't say enough about naming ceremonies. There wasn't a dry eye in the house! Congratulations to you!

jeananddolly How can you be a god parent if you aren't Christian? I thought god parents had to be Christian because they have to make promises to help bring up the child in that faith. If you aren't Christian then you aren't able to do that.

I used to be married to a professional atheist and, quite frankly, he made an utter arse of himself at weddings/christenings/funerals. Nobody expects false displays of piety or the atheist to behave like St. Sodding Teresa but actually, the event is not about them making a stand. It is about whatever significant service is being held in the church and the people it is being held for.

I'm not a believer and neither is dp (lapsed Catholic if such thing ever really exists) but, if invited, I think it is basic good manners to attend and not be ridiculously precious. Some of the best weddings have been those that I'd never have enjoyed if I'd taken the view that I wasn't a Hindu or Muslim and thus should stay away.

dont be so egotistical christening isnt about you.but if you are going to stand at a happy occasion with a face like a skelped arse best you dont go

take your big ego and big huff and stay home,better that than detract from their happy ceremony

A professional atheist - you can get paid for it? Magic.

Agree with Rockbird and others - go, sit through it, nod and smile. you don't have to say any stuff, and no-one will care that you don't. I did decline being godparent to my nieces, as it just didn't seem right, but we went along, and atheist DH even agreed to do a reading!

I hope you don't go to any weddings, funerals (in churches) or anything else?

Get a grip. Being an atheist doesn't have to mean being a bloody killjoy!

Oh and the "militant atheist godparent"...hypocritical and ridiculous.

The whole event isn't about you, so it seems unfair to make a 'big thing' about it. Just be happy for others and don't spoil it. You can easily stand quietly at the back.

I think if you had not gone to any church celebrations in the past, people would have respected your opinion/beliefs and wouldnt have taken offence.

Your problem is now, you run the risk of your SIL taking your decission to decline her invitation as a personnal insult to her DC. It also makes things difficult for your DH and DC as people are bound to ask where you are and you would be putting them on the spot having to explain.

I dont think an hour an the odd religious ceremony will do you any harm. It might even do you good in the afterlife, when you find yourself standing outside the pearly gates

a bit silly no? no God, so wht 's the problem with going and listenin gto some bloke spout?

most of us probably agree that we wnt to ward the devil from our DC's (metaphorically at least).. i don't think faith is required.

i thin a church that allows total non-Xians to be godparents has problems (though i disapprove of infant baptism from a theological perspective anyway) ...ater all the point is that because he baby doesn't know wha its doing in binga xian...they are there to help...

If you are invited to something it is very churlish to say that you won't go if it isn't something you would have chosen.

dont go.no one wants to see your huffy chops