As an atheist to not want to go to family Christenings?

[Beegey]

Part of DH's family are fairly pious. I respect their religious views but quietly disagree with them.

However, as time goes on, I am finding myself increasingly uncomfortable at religious events, mostly christenings and baptisms. I have been able to grin and bear it in the past, particularly if DH is a godparent but now I just can't shake the feeling that I don't belong there and usually spend the service wishing I wasn't.

SIL had a baby last year and I expect he will be christened this summer. AIBU to politely decline the invitation to the christening (though DH and DD will still go) but maybe go to the little tea reception after or should I just continue to stick it out, even though I really don't want to just for the sake of family harmony?

Not an immediately pressing concern but I think I should have my answer ready...

I thought perhaps I could stay at the house and help prepare for the party in the afternoon.

AIBU??

Well not really, because at a concert/play you are in the audience, it's a passive experience. Going to church is a participatory experience, even if you don't want to participate, there is the standing up and sitting down, the singing of songs and saying of prayers, all of which are designed for everyone to join in, and everyone around you is a part of that. The whole community thing is also generally really important, it's not a one off event but a key part of people's lives. The words that are being said really mean something to everyone, sometimes to the point of fervor. The sermon may touch on your life, experiences and feelings, sometimes things will be said that you may seriously disagree with, which in normal life you would verbally object to. Plus in general you tend to choose to go to concerts or plays because you have some interest in their content.

Oh, and just to be pedantic IMO nothing can be ascribed to god, as to me it is a meaningless human created concept, used to create religion.

Coralanne sorry, I should have been more careful in what I said about Christmas and Easter.

What I mean is that there have been celebrations at those times of year long before Christianity.

I don't think many people really think that Christ was born on 25 December (e.g. lambs aren't born that time of year around Nazarath), but it seems to have been fixed on that date to coincide with the traditional winter solstice celebrations.

Easter celebrations possibly derives from Eostre and various feritility gods/goddesses. There were certainly pagan celebrations at the start of spring focusing on rebirth.

What I was trying to say is that, if we hadn't had Christ, humans would still have celebrations at those times of year.

Beegey- do you not attend weddings or funerals in churchs either? They are also sacraments.

Whoops - x-posted.

On your concert analogy, well, okay. But most people wouldn't enjoy sitting through something that they think is false and in some cases offensive to them (as opposed to just requiring a suspension of disbelief). So people might walk out of a play or film half way through.

FWIW, I think it is different where people have been brought up in a particular faith that they've moved away from to become atheists. It took me many years to get more comfortable with my realisation of my atheism. I'd say it's a journey, that has had some very uncomfortable points for me, and I'm still progressing on it.

My conversion to atheism was, coincidentally, much aided by attending the baptism of a friend's child. So I personally can understand how the OP finds them far from neutral events.

It is good to question your own faith or lack of.

If athheism is the conclusion you come to then so be it.

However every day of our life we have to compromise in some way or other.

Attending a half hour baptism isn't going to be the end of the world in the grand scheme of things.

I don't know my own true religious beliefs.
I know that I am a spiritual person. When I swim up and down for an hour I feel at peace with myself and the world.

I don't go to Mass all the time. I eat fish on Good Friday.

On Good Friday I gave DS's DP chicken because she doesn't eat fish. I also gave DGD (2.4) chicken and her DF jokingly siad "Now you'll turn into the devil's child.

Actually I think I am pretty apathetic.

I can't really get worked up about peoples' choices.

Now that I think about it my exBIL didn't attend my DC's baptisms.

He stayed at the house and helped get things ready.

Didn't bother me in the least.

Most babies are only a matter of weeks old when they are baptised and to tell you the truth I think the parents are too wrapped in their little one to worry too much if this one or that one is or isn't at the church.

We all have our own beliefs and values but we all have to learn to keep an open mind and respect other peoples values and beliefs even though they aren't ours. hear hear

AGREEE! i am CofE but went to Sikh ceromony for a friend, no-one balked and said "I cant come in as I am Catholic"

some selfish views on here

As a Christian I wouldn't be offended if you didn't come.

"My big sister is fairly evangelical (she's also a vicar, so her religion is very important to her) and when she had her youngest christened all my father's family (Catholic) arrived late enough to miss the service. She was not in any way offended because she understood that it would have made them uncomfortable."

Why would a RC be uncomfortable at a christening? I am practising Catholic and can't see why a Christening would be uncomfortable in any way. Its the same Jesus!

I think it depends on how well you think the other person will understand your POV. Explaining how you feel and offering to help set everything up for afterwards I think would be a really nice gesture.

DH and I are C of E but his younger bro and sis-in-law are v. anti-religion. They came to DD's christening and also their cousin's baby's christening and sat there po-faced, not joining in with the hymns or affirmations.

I would have much rather they'd have just come along afterwards as to be honest I found it more offensive that they were there when I knew their feelings and it was obvious they didn't want to be. That aside I have a great relationship with them otherwise and their (non)religious views don't bother me in the slightest.

I'm an atheist - I've never been to a Christaining and I know lots of Christianed babies - but no one has ever asked me to come along - not even family. Which I have always been grateful for, not because I find it offensive but after being subjected to church sermons every Sunday of my childhood I find it painfully boring.
I think you should go for the sake of family harmony - take an iPod or a good book.

See now that I think would be very offensive. I think you either opt out and don't go, or you go and do your best to join in, regardless of how you feel. Not saying the prayers/singing the songs is one thing, but making it obvious (book, i-Pod or po-facedness) that you don't want to be there is I think very rude.

Lillybloom, it might be the same Jesus, but high church Catholic and evangelical christian services are worlds apart. The one is predictable with known rituals and responses, the other freeflowing, with spontaneous breaking into tongues, healing, messages from God, lots of clapping and modern songs (and twice as long). Not a comfortable scene if that's not your sort of thing.

nooka, did you notice the at the end of my commment or were you too bust being outraged?

Is there such a thing as high church Catholic?

Thank you Mathanxiety!

SK

It's OK, I don't really care enough to be outraged you weren't the only one to suggest a book (I slightly wonder how people imagine that would work in church) I just thought it was important that the OP didn't try that as an option.

High church is very ritualistic, incense, choir boys, older hymns etc. Often the churches are more ornate, with more statues and greater use of gilding. Low church being much closer to your average CoE service, less formal, newer hymns more congregation involvement. You can have high church CoE too.

Sorry, have only read OP....but whenever I'm invited to a christening/ wedding/ funeral of a religion that I don't practise I would have no problem with it at all. In fact I'm desperate to be invited to a Hindu wedding as they're such beautiful events!

I went to a friend's atheist naming ceremony and found it very inspiring (created my own religious version as a result of attending it), have been to secular weddings (and been a bridesmaid or whatever you're called when you're married but assisting the bride) - what's the problem? We live in a supposedly tolerant society, right?

Unless you're being asked to say things you don't believe in I don't see why attending should be an issue.

Now I am a militant atheist but have been known to attend christenings, just as I would attend (if invited) Muslim/Sikh/Hindu naming ceremonies out of politeness and a wish to support/show goodwill to the families concerned. I have been asked once or twice to be a godparent and refused on the grounds that I'm an atheist, which I think is fair enough - I also, when attending Christian ceremonies, don't join in prayers any more than I would at Muslim/Sikh/Hindu ceremonies - just sit quietly listening and watching.
I think attending is OK but you shouldn't feel you have to participate if it's not something you believe in.

lol militant atheist,as opposed to wussy pacifist atheist - images of going to guerilla atheist training camp

Ah yes, atheist training camp, where we wipe our bums on holy texts, shag on altars and play Poke the Priest with a Shitty Stick all day...

sounds most like priest training college

Nah. We don't have the creative accounting or coercing-sexual-favours-out-of-messed-up-or-underage-parishioners modules

the kiddie loving priests certainly know depravity