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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to sell insist my Husband sells his xbox thingy?

87 replies

Davygirl · 19/04/2010 14:19

Hi first post here so pls be gentle althoughI have been an avid lurker.

Here is my problem.

Mmy DH is always on his computer till the wee hours and it is affecting our relationship, He plays this real violent war game every single night which is bad enough, however he now has the habbit of getting drunk on vodka whilsit playing, I told him that i want it gone which then resulted in a big fight but he has a short fuse and told me to do my rip (whatever that means), this game has made him think he is 10ft tall which he is not and I miss the old him.

I'm tempted to sell his computer to a friend for her ds while my dh is at work.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 19/04/2010 14:23

YANBU to want it gone but I would not sell it while he is at work.

Are you worried that he might get violent?

He needs to see that spending all night on the computer is damaging your relationship and his life. Can you talk to him about it or does he get defensive?

choosyfloosy · 19/04/2010 14:23

Yes and no. Poor you

I wouldn't focus on the computer itself. I'd think about what you want to change in the way you feel day to day (like, not scared of your husband for a start, able to talk to him instead of him being too pissed and busy shooting pixels to listen.) 'Missing the old him' is a really good way of putting it.

Then maybe just say that to him, that you miss the man he was, and ask him what chance there is of him changing again for the better.

Original poster

Davygirl · 19/04/2010 14:30

wow thanks for the quick replies, I am not worried at all that he'll get violent, he just gets abusive verbally which comes from this game, he plays it with his earphones on and the language he uses is terrible. I did suggest one Friday night watching a film together as my favourite Ghost was on but his response was "how many times have you seen it already?" . I just want us to see eye to eye which we have'nt for a long time.

I was thinking of booking a little trip away for us all so we are on a level playing field away from the house.

OP posts:

LittleMrsHappy · 19/04/2010 14:34

If my husband told me to do my RIP (Rest In Peace) then he would be out the door with not a second though about it, due to it being a computer game!

Id tell him, us! or the computer!

MmeLindt · 19/04/2010 14:38

Urgh, RIP? Really?

That is really horrid.

I agree that the computer is not the problem, his behaviour - and him being verbally abusive is a massive problem.

AnnieBeansMum · 19/04/2010 14:41

A bit of both Davygirl. YANBU to want your relationship back with your husband, but YABU to consider selling it out from under him.

My DH used to stay up VERY late playing world of warcraft and it was affected our marriage and his relationship with our daughter. It was what he did to relax after a long day at work and I didn't want to deprive of that outlet, but the time spent on it needed to decrease drastically. We had a long calm chat about it and he has reduced his usage hugely - there are days when he doesn't even sign in. You need to have an open and honest conversation about it with your DH. And if he is verbally abusive with you about it, then I'm sorry, but he's not worth being with. Abuse is abuse, whether it is physical, emotional or verbal.

Fatbob · 19/04/2010 14:46

YABU - He stole ma kill !!!

ooojimaflip · 19/04/2010 14:48

He'd be better at the game if he didn't drink while playing it. This is one of the annoying things about computer games. And drink.

chandellina · 19/04/2010 14:48

YANBU to want to get rid of it, and it sounds like it would be much better for the relationship.

However YABU to ask him to watch Ghost instead.

Firawla · 19/04/2010 14:51

I think the problem is more likely the drinking than the xbox? although it seems he is not using it responsibly..
I dont think you can sell it though if it is his, not your place to sell it so yabu on that but yanbu to be annoyed with the aggressive kind of attitude

Original poster

Davygirl · 19/04/2010 14:59

I agree that selling his computer might be a bit drastic and only a short term fix as last time it borke he went straight out and bought another, I just want the man I married back, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks his behaviour is unacceptable though and I plan on having a nice calm chat with him tonight.

I'll suggest a short break for a wee bit of sun for a chance to reconnect.

Wish me luck x

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 19/04/2010 14:59

yabu to consider selling it without having a reasonable conversation with him, particularly to consider selling it to a freind for her DS. Do you really want to breed a new generation of gamers!?

Can't he get a special pair of headphones so you can't hear the game?

bstNick · 19/04/2010 15:01

YANBU, but you could always go on your own computer and join him in the game and battle on together!

OTTMummA · 19/04/2010 15:02

sounds like a right twat, sorry, but he reminds me of my stepdad, bought a playstation instead of a replacement washing machine that HE BROKE because he thought it was more important.

the amount of time he spends on it is bad enough if its affecting your relationship, but to add drinking ontop would be the end of it for me, espcially if he could see how miserable it was making me.

get rid and find a man who wants to spend time with you not an electrical box

Original poster

Davygirl · 19/04/2010 15:12

I know nothing about computers and I'm too busy cooking/cleaning and raising the kids to play games, my best friend Jamie just suggested we all go camping, he camps all the time and loves it, he says it's great to unwind and my dh would have nowhere to go so would have to talk to me.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

OP posts:

larpswife · 19/04/2010 15:14

I'm in the roughly same situation, my DH goes on it almost everynight to play with his so called 'friends' but when he nips out for a ciggy, all i can hear from his headphones is vulgar abuse, how can he possibly enjoy that??

YABU to sell his console, but YANBU to probably get rid of his headphones and mic, that might calm him down a bit

good luck love on whatever you do xx

KathyImLost · 19/04/2010 15:19

if my DH had spoken to me like that the xbox would mysteriously stop working.

robertaincroydon · 19/04/2010 15:19

Like OMG. I am a long time lurker on mumsnet but just had to post a comment as you could be describing my life.

My dh plays xbox every night also.He gets drunk and abuses people through the headset thing, he is so loud sometimes he has woken my daughter and he seems to be infatuated with argueing with canadians for some reason.

If i tell him he is loud he just shuts the door in my face.I also suspect him of weeing out of the back door as he is so busy wanting to get back to the game he cannot even be bothered to go upstairs to the toilet.Bloody pig!

Original poster

Davygirl · 19/04/2010 15:29

Kathy as tempting as that may be the others have made me relize that I should always be the bigger person here and do things the correct way.

Just off the off the phone to dh and I mentioned a camping break but he says work are short staffed and ruled it out straight away, he did say maybe later in the year though.

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 19/04/2010 15:32

Morloth · 19/04/2010 15:36

It isn't the game that is the problem.

DH is a gamer and often stays up extremely late, he even plays violent games sometimes.

He doesn't get drunk nor speak to me like that.

Getting rid of the console will do bugger all, he will probably explode and even if he doesn't it will be something else next week.

flootshoot · 19/04/2010 15:39

he's taking the piss. My DH and I had a HUGE row about bloody World of Warcraft and he has drastically cut down. If he hadn't - well, let's just say i'm not sure we'd still be an item! TBH I can't understand why any adult feels the need to play computer games, but it is addictive so it might be reasonable to ask him to cut down gradually.

potplant · 19/04/2010 15:40

YANBU to be pissed off about it but selling it behind his back is BU.

LOL at trying to tempt him away with Ghost!

SusieCarmichael · 19/04/2010 15:42

OrmRenewed · 19/04/2010 15:50

Keep the X-Box.
Sell the husband.

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