to sell insist my Husband sells his xbox thingy?

[Davygirl]

Hi first post here so pls be gentle althoughI have been an avid lurker.

Here is my problem.

Mmy DH is always on his computer till the wee hours and it is affecting our relationship, He plays this real violent war game every single night which is bad enough, however he now has the habbit of getting drunk on vodka whilsit playing, I told him that i want it gone which then resulted in a big fight but he has a short fuse and told me to do my rip (whatever that means), this game has made him think he is 10ft tall which he is not and I miss the old him.

I'm tempted to sell his computer to a friend for her ds while my dh is at work.

am I being unreasonable?

[zebedeethezebra]

YANBU. But you could try spilling some tea on it instead. Ooops! Or vodka, and then say he must have spilled it himself.

[AnnieBeansMum]

I second OrmRenewed's suggestion!!!

[BIGMomma37]

[Davygirl]

I have no idea what you just said Mrs st3d but our sex life is fine thank you very mcuh if thats what you meant.

Dh will be home soon so I best get dinner ready and hopefully we'll have this chat.

[BIGMomma37]

Good luck, you might find it helps if you sit down so you see eye-to-eye

[marytontie]

interesting

[Gleeb]

My ex had a fortunately short-lived phase of being addicted to World of Warcraft. If he doing the dinner, he used to literally run from the screen to put a saucepan on then run back. Twat.

Saying you miss the old him sounds really sad

[schroeder]

Fingers crossed for the ring of fire
I agree the drinking may be more of a problem than the xbox. How long has he been playing this game though? I know last year there was about a month when I couldn't get enough of 'civilisation' but it passed.(I didn't stay up up all night drinking vodka though(double yuk vodka))
Do you have a drink too? If you do maybe you could suggest a "dry night" as in"you know babe(or whatever) maybe we should have a dry night tonight?"

Good luck with the chat

[darkandstormy]

why do grown men play on these things?v immature imo.I would bin him and the box tbh

[mayb1day]

I wouldn't say gaming is immature - I play on the Xbox 360 most evenings once the kids are in bed. There's playing for enjoyment and taking it to extremes, though, and Davygirl your other half seems to be taking it way too seriously.

Hope the chat goes well.

[Coolfonz]

How old are these guys?

Im a chap, i used to play a bit of games til I was about 30 (now 45). But mainly to go round to a mate's house and smoke weed/drink beer while taking turns to play. With the odd bout of really liking a game like SimCity, but it did piss off the missus too much so I wouldn't do it too much.

Sounds like you need some kind of anti-dweeb spray. Get a more macho non-dweeb round the house to shame them maybe.

[MmeLindt]

Any kind of addiction is going to lead to stress in a relationship.

I rarely MN in the evenings now because I was sitting till well after DH went to bed and it got to the stage that we really were arguing about it a lot.

You need to sit down and talk to him about it. Not about the swearing and the shouting, because even if he was not doing that, he would still be putting a computer game before his family life.

He needs to reconnect with his wife. TV off. Game off. Music on, glass of wine/beer and TALK about your day.

[robertaincroydon]

@ coolfonz My bh is 37!

He gave up gaming when I got pregnant and our daughter is 7 now.But since i made him stop breeding them bull terriers to sell on the estate he said he was bored and bought a xbox.

I sometimes wonder why i got involved with a Jamaican man (not being racist as obviously i am with him) but all he has seemed to do is smoke weed, disapear for days at a time etc. when he is home he expects jerk chicken and rice and peas.I am from croydon not kingston! i dont know how to cook these things!I tried to get his mum to show me but she likes that he goes around her's for it so she wont tell me how!

Sorry i went a bit off subject there!Ok got to go kfc now be back on later.

[Davygirl]

Well we had the chat, let's just say it never went to plan... He's downstairs on his silly fucking game and I'm upstiars crying into my pillow.

[andlipsticktoo]

My dh is in the shed now on his xbox playing some ridiculous war game. I get pissed off if he plays more than twice a week!

Could you come to some sort of agreement? Max of 2 evenings a week on certain days, that way you both know when he's playing.

If he doesn't agree to that then he seriously is bu and you should think about getting rid of him.

[steffibabes]

Oh bless you... I know what it's like to come second to a machine, not xbox but my now estranged husband used to ignore me in favour of going on the internet til the small hours... hardly talked to me etc.

Anyway this isn't about me I just wanted to reply to you, you sound so sad and all you want is your DH back.

Hope this doesn't sound too weird I'm a Christian I'm gonna pray for you tonight my dear and I hope you get this sorted out.

[MudandRoses]

Really feel for you, and totally sympathise, and to some extent, empathise.

My DP says, he has to want to change. You have to make him realise how miserable and horrible this is for you. But if he is addicted it will be very difficult for him to stop. He does need a brute physical break from it. A holiday? the xbox breaking? But be careful - if he feel he has no other way to relax in the evening, he will resent you if he feels you have prevented him playing somehow. It sounds like, with the drinking and the 'connection' aspect, he is using this as an escape. From what? Is he very stressed/unhappy? Have you asked him whether he is happy with his life? Will he be happy looking back in 10 yrs and realising he has spent so many evenings moving pixels around a screen and arguing with Canadians he will never meet??

[Davygirl]

A few glasses of wine later and I feel an accidental breakage might be the answer now. I told him we need to get away and gave him two possible options (camping as suggested by my friend Jamie or a week in the sun) but he chose none, I asked him to pick one, A or B but he is only interested in himself and it's definitely not a team player.

I think i might take the kids and have a break of my own, I honestly thought our chat would have worked but maybe I timed it wrong as he was and has been in a bit of a mood as he had to work on Saturday.

[Pronoia]

he's chosen option C) The Xbox.

yes, I'm afraid he would rather play the XBox than interact with his children or partner.

This probably will not change.

The questionis - can you live with it?

[Davygirl]

Well it's gone 12 and he's still on it, I can hear him downstiars now, Fed up with all of this and I'm going to try and talk to him again in the morning. His clothes are on the ironing board for me to iron them, he can iron his own stupid stripey jumper because I'm not doing it. God I hate wha this has come too.

[Pronoia]

Do not iron his clothes.

do not cook his food.

Do not have sex with him (unless YOU really want to).

he has disengaged from family life - you have tried to engage with him, and he is not cooperating. It's time to withdraw privileges until he realises what he could miss.

[tweetymum]

Lordy, I was in a similar situation a year or so ago, DH addicted to Call of Duty and played online constantly and with groups of friends all the time.

It was affecting our relationship to the extent I just told him he had to choose between his game or me and DD. I was being deadly serious, and already had places lined up for us to go, plus savings etc. Let's just say, he saw the light pretty sharpish and only plays the ocadional game now. We even managed to buy a Wii and not be affected by it.

However, in your case, your H is getting verbally abusive which is not on at all. You'll have to find a way of dealing with him, perhaps calmly tell him that yelling at you is not solving the problem, perhaps even think about issuing an ultimatum (in some cases, it's a surprisingly efficient tool of communication, lol!)

Good luck, and will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

robertaincroydon, betcha your H is yelling at my H who plays from here in Canada

[Bumbleconfusus]

To everyone who mentioned WoW - I used to love that game (when I was a single student), its no good unless you spend about 10 hours a day on it...
I think the problem is the drink not the xbox, and if you throw wine on the xbox, he will probably just buy another, so you will be the one who ends out of pocket... I think practically speaking he needs to get a different hobby, or different working hours or something that prevents him from being able to play that game at what seems to be peak playing time. Does he have many friends IRL?

My DH just bought himself a PS3, do you know whats worse than a DH playing a video game downstairs on his own... playing it in the bedroom until about 2am, and desperately trying to get you to watch him snore.

[Davygirl]

He's off to work today and things are no better, I told him we must have a chat tonight and I have spoke to my mum who will look after the kids tonight, His reponse was after the gym we can talk, but can you "iron my Mckenzie t-shirt" for me.