to sell insist my Husband sells his xbox thingy?

[Davygirl]

Hi first post here so pls be gentle althoughI have been an avid lurker.

Here is my problem.

Mmy DH is always on his computer till the wee hours and it is affecting our relationship, He plays this real violent war game every single night which is bad enough, however he now has the habbit of getting drunk on vodka whilsit playing, I told him that i want it gone which then resulted in a big fight but he has a short fuse and told me to do my rip (whatever that means), this game has made him think he is 10ft tall which he is not and I miss the old him.

I'm tempted to sell his computer to a friend for her ds while my dh is at work.

am I being unreasonable?

[StephysFamous]

May sound very evil but if he's being playing this game for quite a while I guess he's at a high level or something.
You could switch electricity off at the mains and he will lose what he's been playing . Tell him you have no clue what happened but you will check the mains box.
Kinda like switching a PC off when working on a really long article, crash, it's gone.
Worked brilliantly with my DH, who was addicted to Fifa 10, in the end he couldn't be bothered playing again to reach first place on the table as he had been working so hard to get there.

[ViveLeCliche]

OP - Here's a link to Online Gamers Anonymous you might find helpful

www.olganon.org/?q=node/4233

Starting from today I would recommend a complete withdrawal of services - i.e. a strike (not quite sure why you're doing his ironing in the first place?) So no ironing ANYTHING for him. No taking meals to him. No cooking for him. Otherwise you are enabling him. Until he has to take time off gaming to prepare food/launder his clothes etc why is he going to stop? It's not impacting him. If he is willing to disengage from your family in this way then he has to feel the short-term consequences if he can't see the long-term effects (e.g. erosion of your relationship/not spending enough time with children)

I wouldn't tell him you were doing this straight off...I would just withdraw any form of practical support. Then wait and see till he notices. Give yourself at least 30 days of doing this - (just in case it takes him a while to fully feel the impact) - and if he asks you what's happening explain that he has disengaged so you have to and until he's willing to become part of the family again and put in the time and effort then this is how it will be.

OR (and this is pretty passive-aggressive but would amuse me) I would invent a little gaming addiction of my own (Farmville, Travian etc) and when there's no cooked meal for him/clean clothes etc just say"oh no time for that, it's harvest time/almost got a gold medal etc or whatever 'next level' you're supposedly putting in the hours to get to. If he even had the cheek to get remotely annoyed the geese and gander and sauce.

I'm not sure a lot of men would be lured into watching Ghost, gaming addiction or not, but if you are feeling lonely get doing some things you want to do - invite people round, go out (do you think he would neglect the children to play this game if you left them with him?) - you'll have a lot more time without the ironing for sure.

Leave that McKenzie t-shirt well alone! Start today!

[robertaincroydon]

My dh was playing it again last night too.I don't think I have the heart to stop making his food or doing his washing etc he might leave for good and I need the money he provides.

He stopped playing at 5am and moaned that I woke him while i was getting my dd ready for school.Called me a "newb" whatever that means but i hear him say it on xbox so it must be bad innit!

Argh

[Bumbleconfusus]

lol at newbie

[birdsandblossoms]

this thread is not funny some people become truly obsessed with gaming my ds1 is really into it its what his life revolves around luckily he is young and single with no responsibilites but if this happens to a married man it would be a different story as it seems to be so hard to break the habit My dh likes to play as well he can play for about 3 hours at a time but has many other intrests as well so not a problem. I dont know what the solution would be but it is serious and should not be taken lightly

[Davygirl]

I do all the housework, cooking and raise the kids as that's how my mother raised me, I was always told that that?s the woman?s job, I look after the house while my husband earns the money. I'm taking everyone?s advice on bored and I'm very thankful but it all seems so much so quick and I don't know how he would react. What if he left me? How would I cope on my own?

However bit of good news today, he called at lunch at a said he'll have a proper chat tonight and apologised for yesterday. He even mentioned a trip to Manchester in August which I would love, It's been so long since we have been away just the 2 of us.

[PrivetDancer]

[Angelcat666]

Right repeat after me...

Housework, cooking and raising the kids is not the woman's job.
Housework, cooking and raising the kids is not the woman's job.
Housework, cooking and raising the kids is not the woman's job.
Housework, cooking and raising the kids is not the woman's job.

Repeat as necessary.

You will cope on your own if it comes to that but hopefully it won't. You need to make an appointment with the CAB to find out what you would be entitled to. There's IS that you may be entitled to to get some money coming in and would give you time to look for a job. If you work 16 hours per week you could claim tax credits.

With any luck you will work things out tonight, if not then striking is a good idea.

[Davygirl]

Well what a suprise, no chat yet however my dh has come home with flowers and my fav curry (Chicken Madras) to save me cooking tonight, Once back from the gym he said well sit down and talk like adults.

I now a little more optimistic.

[steffibabes]

Hooray, Davygirl. That sounds more like it. Been thinking of you today.

[Davygirl]

thanks for the kind words steffibabes xxx, I appreciate your help and that goes for the advice from everyone else too , took alot for me to tell strangers my problems but I feel it will and has already helped.

Yesterday we had our chat and it was very productive, we both spoke our minds (no fighting) and I relized that I could also do more to help within the relationship but dh did accept that he also has his part to play, promises where made and i for one hope he sticks to them.

We finished the night with us watching some 0007 Bond movie (yes no computer) as they are his favourites.

@Roberta I hope you take all this advice onboard, I have and I feel so much better now for it. Good luck hun x

[robertaincroydon]

Thanx davygirl but i feel so far behind you now.My dh won't even have a small chat with me like yours has, i just feel he thinks so little of me atm i feel 2 feet tall

I am going to go to cab today and see where i stand if i leave him.It can't be much worse than it is can it?

I mean i have been fuked by a machine, a stupid game!

He aint gonna get anything ironed today and he aint gonna see no booty either, he can shag his bloody xbox for all i care!!!

[Downdog]

YANBU to be upset.

I could not live with someone who habitually played these games - esp not the fighting ones.

Not sure I'd sell it behind his back though - tempting as it may be. Wouldn't you feel better if you ran it over with the car? Just kidding (kind of).

I would have a very frank conversation with him - me or the game kind of thing.

[Davygirl]

Roberta I'm in no position to offer advice but if your dh is not even willing to talk then calling a cab maybe be your best option afterall, my hubby is at the gym jsu tnow and I'm looking forward to another good night in with no sill computer game.

[robertaincroydon]

Well it kicked off last night!I refused to make his dinner and told him he needs to stop playing childish games all night this ended in a BIG argument.Long story short i put his joypad thing in the microwave and killed it and his response was to throw my blender out the back door where it still is this morning in several pieces.He stormed out after that and i havnt seen him since.

All this over a bloody xbox.

Think the microwave is broken now.

Too early for a glass of wine?

[expatinscotland]

Refused to make his dinner? Putting things in the microwave and throwing them out the back door? Are you both 15?

[robertaincroydon]

I am 27 and he is 37 but i think he has the mental age of 15 yes!

I followed advice on here about not doing anything for him like cooking, cleaning, ironing etc thats why i never cooked his dinner.

Not everyone has a perfect partnership, if u have nothing but critisim i suggest u dont add your views.

[SusieCarmichael]

oh fgs this is a troll! ignore him

(i don't usually say this on a thread but this is not a touchy subject so i don't care )

[robertaincroydon]

what is a troll?

[SusieCarmichael]

if you are an 'avid lurker' you should definitely know what a troll is

[robertaincroydon]

never said i was a avid lurker but anyways i kind of know just wanted u to confirm thanks i googled it anyway.

I will just ignore him

[ILovePlayingDarts]

Given that the South Koreans (a hi-tech society) have a kind of gaming "boot camp" where gamers go to have their addiction to gaming sorted, this isn't really a laughing matter.

[Xenia]

Some of you lot are just incredible. Get on to the feminism threads. It's unbelievable.

"My dh was playing it again last night too.I don't think I have the heart to stop making his food or doing his washing etc he might leave for good and I need the money he provides."

Why can't women in 2010 earn their own money, outearn their own men? So people tolerate bad behaviour because they are financially dependent on a man? This just proves my point that women should have proper careers and if either of a couple has to stop work then always let it be the man. He wouldnt' get much game played if he were minding 3 under 5s and doing the housework.

[expatinscotland]

I'm beginning to agree, Xenia.

On a visit home, I found out one of my cousins recently divorced.

I always thought her husband was a jerk, but she always had just as big a job as he did.

They can't presently sell their house in this market (in the US) so he lives in the old nanny's flat.

Some people said stuff like, 'He wanted a more domestic wife, she didn't cook blah blah blah.'

I said, 'Well, then he should have made more money if he wanted all that plus the huge house in a great neighbourhood/cars/private schools for the kids, etc. Why the hell should she have gone out to work all the hours God sends and then been expected to kowtow to his 1950s standards, too? She's well rid of him!'

And because she always had a good career, she is not left in poverty or having to start all over again because he decided he wanted a bimbo after 16 years of marriage and 2 kids together.