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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to serve beer at my daughters lunchtime 1st birthday party?

215 replies

Narabug · 12/04/2010 22:16

Am I?

Its at my flat, and is a relaxed, jelly-and-icecream kinda affair, but someone is saying I should be providing 'cans of beer for the dads', we will be having some champagne for the adults after cutting the cake and I'm serving lunch and soft drinks, but I really don't like the idea of people swigging cans of beer at by babies first birthday, AIBU?

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
APassionateWoman · 13/04/2010 08:56

lol@ this thread. I wouldn't expect booze, but it always goes down well.

violethill · 13/04/2010 08:56

Libra - agree - any cooing would probably make me want to drink myself into a stupor.

And the men all at work.

Stepford Wives anyone?

MrsShu · 13/04/2010 08:56

does the OP think in any small way she might be being unreasonable?
no.
so shall we just agree?

Hulababy · 13/04/2010 08:56

Oh, I used to love a baby centreed day - with my baby. When the day involves lots of other people's babies then it can get more challenging. And when you are the host of the party and trying to coordinate it all and make sure everyone, adults and children, are happy and having fun - then yes, after all that I often enjoy a nice drink or two.

As said before in the past I have pretty much always offered alcohol at DD's parties for the grown ups who chose to stay or who come to help, as well as soft and hot drinks. I have never yet had one peson get drunk at a tw hour children's party, not once. Have had 8 birthday parties with around 20+ guests (so more adults than that) and not one.

YallaYalla · 13/04/2010 08:58

I don't see the problem with just getting a few beers in (bottled if you must) and have, say, a bottle of two of wine ready in the fridge?

Then at least you give people the OPTION of having a glass of wine or two.

The food sounds great - it sounds like you'll have a fun day - but, honestly, if I was being invited to a do in someone's flat, cooped up with a bunch of babies, I would NEED a glass or two of something.

And I wouldn't want to wait until 'cutting the cake' part for one little glass of champers

It just makes you a good host to have a bit of alcohol on offer, that's all. It does not mean everyone will get pissed!

If you are having adult food (quiches etc) then you have to offer adult drinks too - and, no, fruit punches don't count!

If you are planning on having people drop in and out as they please, you will find people will be more inclined to stay longer if there is a bit of wine flowing IMO.

ifancyashandy · 13/04/2010 09:00

Alouiseg what if people hated wine?! Would they still not have been allowed a beer with their meal?! What were you worried might happen?

And Parentquest if someone said 'yes please' to a glass of wine in the afternoon, it does not mean they have / are about to have a drink problem!! You do realise that 'cat's bum' gives you nasty wrinkles, don't you?!

plantsitter · 13/04/2010 09:07

People are being really weird on this thread. Do what you like OP. Personally I would not expect booze at a 1 year old's party but would most likely take up the offer if there was some.

Anyone who turns their nose up is just rude.

EricNorthmansmistress · 13/04/2010 09:10

One of the great things about taking your DCs to parties is the fact that they can run off and play with other children in a safe environment without having to be supervised or entertained by you alone. When I take DS to parties in other people's gardens I always appreciate having a glass of wine while DS entertains himself. It's such a lovely break and so unusual in the daytime.

The idea of a party where I was expected to get involved with the activities without a glass of wine to relax with....sounds dreadful. But horses for courses. Narabug I'm sure you know your friends best.

FWIW at DS's 1st bday we had a picnic to which I brought fizz and other adults brought what they wanted to drink. It was very nice and nobody got pissed.

MinkyBorage · 13/04/2010 09:12

alouiseg, what were people allowed to mdrink beer out of at your wedding?

MrsShu · 13/04/2010 09:13

agree with eric
ooh yes a sneaky lunctime drink - makes such a change

MarshaBrady · 13/04/2010 09:15

'Swigging out of cans' always looks awful.. Don't do cans!

AbbyLou · 13/04/2010 09:27

I do agree with the 'your house, your rules' thought but I personally have served alcoholic drinks.
When ds and dd were 1 and 2 they didn't have 'proper' parties, just gatherings at the house for family and a couple of their 'friends' - really my friend's children but the only other children they knew apart from cousins. We alsways had food suitable for both adults and children and the same with drinks. We always offered bottled beer and wine and our guests always bougth some without fail. Nobody ever got drunk, that's not what they were there for. They enjoyed family time, enjoyed watching the children open their presents and enjoyed socialising. I don't think adults would say they have to have a drink to socialise but it is just a relaxed, sociable thing to do. I do think a lot of it is about being a good host as well. I think you need to cover all bases with drinks.

MmeLindt · 13/04/2010 09:27

Heading4home
I am assuming you are in the German speaking part of Switzerland? We even got offered wine at the DC's parents evening in school.

Clumsymum · 13/04/2010 09:38

Yep, it's your house, you can do what you want to.

But I still think your attitude towards alcohol is a bit severe. The fact that I would enjoy a glass of wine or a budweiser while chatting to friends doesn't mean I have an alcohol problem, honestly it doesn't. It simply means that I have adult tastes, and orange squash/juice or tea/coffee aren't what I like to drink at a buffet lunch.

It has nothing to do with wit "needing alcohol to have fun".

It might mean that next time you invited us to something, we would be inclined to find a subsequent engagement.

I'm amazed that, as a chef you don't appreciate the association between wine and food, too, and how one can enhance the other.

bruxeur · 13/04/2010 09:51

Perhaps by "chef" she means "I make cupcakes at the kitchen table and someday I may sell some".

I'm with Passay. OP sounds like a shrill person. They make my teeth itch.

Clumsymum · 13/04/2010 10:01

Bruxeur, I think that is un-necessarily unkind.

bruxeur · 13/04/2010 10:03

You live in a wonderful country, where you are able to hold any kind of opinion you like, no matter how wrong it may be. Rejoice!

RubyBuckleberry · 13/04/2010 10:09

a glass of wine at lunchtime does not a debauched occasion make .

the last thing i would want is a hell of a lot of cake. a nice glass of red would be much more civilised. or some bubbly. or a bottle of beer?!?! if the dads are coming too, i take it this is a weekend. people work/look after kids all week, just offer them a glass of something nice fgs.

but its your party, you can cry if you want to.

serenity · 13/04/2010 10:10

Would people really turn down invitation because they hadn't been offered alcohol at a previous do? Really? I'm actually shocked by that.

As someone who's practically tee-total I find this thread fascinating No judging of either side I must say - each to their own. Personally it wouldn't cross my mind to have alcohol at a kids party, but purely because I wouldn't think of it (caffeine's my coping strategy!)

Narabug - your party, your house, up to you what you serve. Have fun whatever you do.

WebDude · 13/04/2010 10:12

For the OP - I'd say that if they cannot cope without some beer, they don't need to come to the party at all. Stinky beer breath isn't desirable, and the glass of champagne is a nice celebratory touch which shouldn't be wasted on them... so say there will be no beer and those wanting some should drink it at their own home... assuming it's only one request for it. Your place, your rules.

I'd be far from surprised if Passay turned out to be one of the Contractors UK fools given the number of posts in the number of threads and all on 12.04.2010

I am happy to call a troll, a troll.
Go away, troll.

MmeLindt · 13/04/2010 10:12

Bruxeur
That was a terribly sexist and patronising comment.

bruxeur · 13/04/2010 10:13

No it wasn't.

Alouiseg · 13/04/2010 10:15

ifancyashandy The wine was chosen specifically to complement the meal and there was plenty of fizzy or still water on the tables as well. There was a cocktail bar available which was staffed from beginning to end so anybody could have grabbed a glass of whatever they fancied (on us) but it's not fair to expect wine waiters to run back and forth to a bar.

minkyborage Straight glasses which contain approximately half a pint.

I'm not a Stepford Wife by any stretch of the imagine but a first birthday is about the baby and a celebration of that first momentous year.

OP you're hosting a party, I would create exactly the atmosphere that you want for your baby. Have a lovely day.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 13/04/2010 10:16

Well I find children's birthday parties tedious without alcohol.

But it's your party so it's up to you.

MmeLindt · 13/04/2010 10:18

Yes it was.

To assume that the OP is just a silly woman making cupcakes in her kitchen and not a trained chef is sexist and patronising.

Would you say the same to a man who said he was a chef?

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