To feel pissed off at being "reprimanded" for telling someone elses' DC about healthy food?

[PinkDawn]

DD has made a best friend at preschool - I don't know the other Mum well, but when her childcare fell through last Thursday, I offered to take her DD from 8am and drop to our pm preschool session.

I don't work Thursdays, so it's lazy breakfast day. We made pancakes with strawberries and blueberries. For lunch, the girls helped make a fresh tomato pasta - my DD usually plays the vegetable counting game whenever we cook or eat (she has a chart, and we're aiming for 5 a day, with 3 different colours). DD's friend wanted to play too - so we coloured in DD's chart whilst the sauce was cooking, and made one up for DD's friend - which we duly pinned on our fridge with DD's.

Today after school, "Other Mum" comes over to "thank me", before adding that in her opinion it's unsuitable to make fancy breakfasts like that, and in future, should her DD come again she will supply some cereal, and that she would appreciate it if I didn't fill her DD's head with silly ideas about expensive "tri-coloured veggies" (sic), as she has to work, and it is all a bit impractical!

Obviously don't really want to fall out with the mother of DD's first best friend, and will say nowt. However I AM SEETHING - AIBU?

I would hate to think what my DCs friends say about me-I would hate even more if the parents took it as gospel!

Mind you, the 5 a day chart does sound a bit goody two shoes doesn't it. most children enjoy sugar and chocolate rather than ticking off veg. not that theres anything wrong with it.
Like the woman who bought her own snacks to the home made victoria sponge and grapes. I mean what ?
But still. it does not warrant a comment fromt eh other mother. I am surprised shhe said anything at all.

I think the other mother was joking and the OP didn't get it. I'm sure if dd went to someone's house and did a vegetable chart I might say something to the mother along the lines of 'are you trying to make us look bad or what?' but I wouldn't mean it meanly. But sometimes jokes don't come across too well or even badly misfire.

can you imagine what that mum will be like when her kid is at school?

nightmare for the teachers. mum will be there lecturing the teacher on everything her pfb come home and reports.

I think you were very nice to look after her DD but if my DD returned home with a chart encouraging her to eat three different coloured vegetables every day I would think you were a bit obsessive about food TBH

Also if she doesn't have much money then she might feel a bit crap that she can't give her DD a breakfast of blueberries and strawberries

I am in agreement with Seeker.

I agree with you Seeker .

It just doesn't ring true.

Or perhaps the op doesn't get irony.

If my dd came home from a friend's house having done a vegetable chart I am quite sure I would be very and and towards the friend's mum all at the same time.

Other parents doing things with dd that i don't have time for makes my bloody week tbh.

One of dd's friends mothers regularly takes her for the day and lets them do hours of messy play that i simply can't do here with two younger ones getting in the way... she regularly comes home covered head to toe in paint, make up, water and flour based goo and grinning ear to ear.

Yes it makes me feel guilty as the poor child is barely allowed to take out art stuff here due to the havoc it creates but it certainly doesn't make me angry at the mother, quite the opposite in fact!

The same goes for food, if someone were to encourage dd to eat veg i'd be immensely grateful, however they managed to do it!

She's lucky she didn't send her dd to the house of another mother i know... dd came home at 8pm (she's 5) after spending the day there and being dropped to dancing together and told me she hadn't had dinner yet as [X] eats after dancing

Whoa there, fucking hell I cannot believe the crap the OP is getting. OP does charts, it probably ensures her child eats well, there could be a host of issues about eating or this may be the only way her child eats vegetables with pleasure. Good gracious I cannot believe anyone is knocking her.

The other mother either a)feeds her child junk or b) never gives rewards as I can think of no other reason for her being soooooo rude.

Do we think a chart for behaviour makes people 'too obsessed about tidiness' or one for manners means they're 'too obsessed about being polite'? No we don't.

If OP had posted that her daughter barely eats anything healthy I imagine at least one of the first twenty responses would be a sticker chart.

The OP simply responded to the little girl's request to have one so she wouldn't feel left out, what would the mother have said if the child had returned home explaining she was left out and didn't have a chart.

Another case of posters trying to say something different.

I don't really understand why some people think OP made part of it up?!

Oh don't worry, op is getting 95% support and sympathy, only a tiny minority is sceptical. Thats pretty good going for aibu .

The chart wasn't even sent home with the other child!

YANBU, she is being rude - whatever they do in her house she should just appreciate that other people do things differently. end of.

It works the other way more often than not - I've often been nagged for foody bits that I don't buy for various reasons (peperami, mini cocktail sausages etc) just because the DC have had them at other people's houses. i don't choose to give my kids those sorts of things but if they are given them elsewhere i don't have a problem with it.

Mind you I have had a little girl round to tea who sneered at everything - "we only eat ORGANIC chicken in our house" she said (and actually I had served her organic home-made nuggets) - so they were pushed to one side. "We grow all our own vegetables" as she pushed the carrots and broccoli away...."my Mum always makes home-made ice-cream" so her nose was turned up at Green and Black's finest chocolate ice cream....and I won't even repeat what she said about DD drinking orange squash. So tbh I'd far rather have a child that came home asking for more vegetables - hardly a crime is it!

ughhhh thirtysomething that would wind me right up! how old was the little girl when she said that?

...mind you, DD just ate a peperami we often slice them up onto our otherwise healthy homemade pizza, in my defence...

My ds(aged 6) was given Coke at a party now there's something to moan about....i didn't because it's just once and he never has it at home. I also told DS that he should have said no, but understand the lure of Coca-cola.

Actually, I think it is quite possible that the other mother was offering cereal because her DD - however politely she enthused about it - didn't actually like the pancakes. A tactful and self-deprecating way to provide her with something she will like, next time.

thirtysomething...I really didn't think there were chidren around who were that bad.

YANBU- she has issues. If I was her I'd have asked for the recipie or thanked you heartily and asked for a repeat visit.

I think that all it needed was a bit of humour at the time, to deflect!

the child was 6 at the time. she's now 10 and has mellowed a bit, but her mum was complaining the other day that despite regularly having other kids back for tea, her DD hardly ever gets invited back. I wonder why!

Funny thing is though that instead of making her into a little gourmet who appreciates good food and is ethical in her choices, she is ridiculously fussy (wouldn't eat any sandwiches at DD's party as only likes strong cheddar/pickle/wafer-thin ham/seedless jam etc and none of them fitted the bill.....) and loves going to birthday parties where the tea is at McDonald's. So I'm not convinced her Mum's strategy is working!

Am surprised at the ill-feeling aimed at reward charts - I thought lots of parents used them?

Angrypixie I know that eating veggies is "a normal part of everyday life". So is going to te dentist, or staying in bed all night, or not weeing your pants, or brushing your teeth, or tidying your room and so on, but am guessing, even if you are the exception, a fair number of parents have been handing out stickers for these very activities today.

My view is that the reward chart is a useful tool to teach DD about healthy eating. It's too simplistic to think a chart just implies veggies are "good food", and there are other "bad foods" - it has been a very successful way of providing her with an awarness of food groups, and reasonable proportions to consume them in. DD loves filling in her chart, and can confidently tell you that celeriac mash counts and tatties don't, or that sweet potatoes are a veg, and how much you need to eat to count it as one of your 5, or that one portion of dried fruit per day is allowed, or that she has got 1 from fruit juice.

Cory food miles - the strawberries came from Spain. I do like to buy local, but mostly on taste grounds. I find the food miles issues all a bit baffling. Presumably your DC would be impressed with the small footprint of the veggie food I was serving though?