To feel pissed off at being "reprimanded" for telling someone elses' DC about healthy food?

[PinkDawn]

DD has made a best friend at preschool - I don't know the other Mum well, but when her childcare fell through last Thursday, I offered to take her DD from 8am and drop to our pm preschool session.

I don't work Thursdays, so it's lazy breakfast day. We made pancakes with strawberries and blueberries. For lunch, the girls helped make a fresh tomato pasta - my DD usually plays the vegetable counting game whenever we cook or eat (she has a chart, and we're aiming for 5 a day, with 3 different colours). DD's friend wanted to play too - so we coloured in DD's chart whilst the sauce was cooking, and made one up for DD's friend - which we duly pinned on our fridge with DD's.

Today after school, "Other Mum" comes over to "thank me", before adding that in her opinion it's unsuitable to make fancy breakfasts like that, and in future, should her DD come again she will supply some cereal, and that she would appreciate it if I didn't fill her DD's head with silly ideas about expensive "tri-coloured veggies" (sic), as she has to work, and it is all a bit impractical!

Obviously don't really want to fall out with the mother of DD's first best friend, and will say nowt. However I AM SEETHING - AIBU?

I would never do charts and reward systems for healthy eating because I would find it way too boring. I try to instil good healthy lifestyle habits through other means, which I personally find less tedious. But I think it is a bit mean to criticise the OP for doing so - she is trying to instil good, healthy eating habits in her DC. Well done her. It is hardly a lesson in healthy eating to merely serve up healthy food to children - they need to talk about what a healthy diet and lifestyle are.

Cripes, it's only a chart, she's not being force fed bananas and butternut squash, by the sound of things. I fail to see how making something fun can be harmful. Leave 'em alone. Why the chips on shoulders?

So it's not just a case of 5 a day they have to be different colours? What department decided that?

I don't think the chart is especially weird. we love fruit and veg in this house but I'm thinking about getting one of the change4life sticker charts, because despite enjoying it, we don't always get to 5 a day and this would be a good reminder. however I wouldn't give rewards based on it.

I also don't think it's a bad thing that your DD's friend made a chart - as long as she wanted to! little children want to be like their friends, it's natural, and her mum needs to understand that and get over her guilt.

It is very rude to criticise someone who has given you free childcare at short notice, so YANBU. I've not got into the whole playdate thing yet but when my friend babysat DD, of course she did things differently - some things I don't like, some I think "wow I wish I did that!" - who cares? she had a great time and I did my exam in peace, thanks to her kindness!

StayFrosty your comment was hilarious!

Stupid cow, I get that from my step daughters mum all the time it is just because she's too flippin lazy to care about feeding her daughter healthily.

I work full time and still teach my kids about healthy eating and make games around 5 a day, we also dont have loads of cash so its nothing to do with no time or money pure laziness and she's jealous that you have more energy than she does and showed her up for what she is in front of her daughter.

hocuspontas, the colour thing is because different colours mean different nutrients. eat a rainbow!

oh foureleven I know how you feel about the stepdaughter thing.

DH's exW complained that his daughters are always picking up colds at ours - true enough, probably because they catch them off DD (2.9). but she was really rude to DH (he was quite upset about it actually ) - saying "what are you feeding them to make them ill?"

...erm, vegetables?

oh, and smoke-free air too

It is understandable that you are miffed. You didn't push your agenda; the little girl went home and chatted about it.

A few years ago I was working f/t quite far from home and my ds went to a house like yours. It was heaven for me to know that ds was very happy and very well fed.

When I used to roll up at 6, he wouldn't want to leave, and I was ready to collapse. And to hear that they had made fairy cakes and etc, made me feel tiredly feet-hurtingly jealous. The other mummy is a very good friend of mine, and so I have seen her exhausted and tired too, and I do the same for her (we are like family; godmother to each others).

Perhaps the other mother is exhausted and slightly jealous (not knowing that Thursday is your special treat day) and wishes she could do the same. You mustn't take it to heart. I think it sounds a lovely idea. I don't see it as bonkers pushy mothering. Children love this sort of thing. That's why they love stickers.

She should have kissed your feet with gratitude and promised to owe you the same favour in an emergency. But she may have been pig-tired doing her best for her family to find out that, in the opinion of her dd, you are doing better.

yanbu, but let it go, and hope that someone as good as you is around when you are in trouble.

I'd be sending my DD to your house every morning for breakfast if it were me!

We are going to make a chart this morning, already it's got us talking about fruit and veg, so in my book that is a Very Good Thing.

MathsMadMummy we have the smoke thing too...! Its probably the shock to the system when they come to ours and their little noses are able to breath...!

she sounds like a total twat, you are not being unreasonable at all. You just sound like you take your kids health seriously but you aren't a nutter and you make it fun for them. That other mum sound like she may be at the start of some kind of breakdown.
don't let Dd go to hers whatever you do!

Other people's mums are always better than your own. To hear DS talk his best mate's mum is a goddess who can colour and cook and play and is able to do everything whilst remaining calm and smiley.

Luckily, this mum hears the same about me, which I know isn't true.

YANBU- The child was simply joining in with your child's mealtime activities.

When in Rome and all that. I think the other
mother feels a little threatened and is
insecure if she is making such a fuss over something so trivial

she was ungrateful as you gave her free childcare. ice the bitch, without harming DD friendship..... she is clearly jealous and threatened

BUT the chart is a bit precious no? I think she might have read implied criticism where there is none

But def stand up for yourself, you gave her cnhildcare and she was ungrateful, dont do it again

This makes me remember why I only let my dcs associate with children whose parents have lower standards than my own

Mind you, if it had been my dc who got given the strawberries, you could have expected your dc to come home from her next playdate at ours lecturing you about the environment and how irresponsible it is to eat strawberries out of season. Kids, you know, they're like that

ROFL at cory! Quite agree. 10 out of 10 for good mummydom, 1 out of 10 for ecological concern

She's probably feeling that you were being a competitive mummy, and how the F is she ever to keep up. Whereas you were having fun in your ordinary way.

I bet I'd get some funny looks were my dd's friends to be exposed to her favourite weekend breakfast: a plateful of as many different raw foods as possible! Once we managed 10 different foods and she was thrilled. I wouldn't be being competitive or trying to show off how healthily we eat (gimme toast and Marmite any day!), but I'm sure it would like that.

So YANBU, but let it slide, let it slide.

Oh and why do children always eat things at other people houses? DD ate asparagus at her friend's house. And it was 'lovely' apparently . When we bought some fresh from as local farm and served it with butter last summer, it wasn't 'lovely', it was horrible.

I agree with Morloth and it is best to never take anything told to you by DCs seriously!

You helped her out when her childcare fell through. Had her dd from 8am all day. Made nice food and treated her the same as your own dd..?!

Blimey even if her dd did go home and pester her about things she'd done - well most kids do that. I get that when mine come back from grandmas.

You get your children to understand that what they may have out isn't always going to be the same at home. You don't whinge on at the nice person who helped you out for the day . Gawd 'elp us!

If your dd goes to her friend's house, make sure she brings a supply of her own 'expensive "tri-coloured veggies"' just to even things up a bit

There's nothing wrong with the chart - every family has different things they do to instill the things that matter into their children. Food and healthy eating are obviously important to PinkDawn, and her children obviously enjoy it (as opposed to being cajoled into it) - big deal!

Plus, it's not as if she was forcing the chart on the other DC - she wanted to join in the fun. And the chart wasn't sent home, either.

As for homemade pancakes - I'd say they're probably actually much healthier than most cereals aimed at children which are laden with sugar and salt.

The other Mum was clearly massively on the defensive - her problem and not yours. Loving the 'should my DC come again'. Not bloody likely, love.

PD - YADNBU.

what an odd reaction. guilt , i guess. I would be ' oh what dd said sounded so lovely, i wondered if me and me husband could come " = roundabout compliment.
but thats just me.
I am blessed with 2 boys who eat anything. like horses. but one week, 2 freinds come round ( i only have one friend once a month or so - tis the norm at our school), but i was abit behind, so arranged 2 in one week - and i dish up sausages and mash and they tell me they don't like mash, or spag bol and they don't like mince. I remind myself, never again, i will mention to mum what we are having and get her to agree that this is o.k., next time. makes mental note to remind herslef that.

do you think this friendship has much lifeline ?

You know, I don't think this actually happened.Well, I'm sure the pancakes/vegetable chart/home made daffodil bit did, but not the rest. I think the OP is just a bit delighted with herself and secretly hopes that other mothers are jealous of her Mary Poppins-like household!