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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off at being "reprimanded" for telling someone elses' DC about healthy food?

188 replies

PinkDawn · 06/04/2010 20:47

DD has made a best friend at preschool - I don't know the other Mum well, but when her childcare fell through last Thursday, I offered to take her DD from 8am and drop to our pm preschool session.

I don't work Thursdays, so it's lazy breakfast day. We made pancakes with strawberries and blueberries. For lunch, the girls helped make a fresh tomato pasta - my DD usually plays the vegetable counting game whenever we cook or eat (she has a chart, and we're aiming for 5 a day, with 3 different colours). DD's friend wanted to play too - so we coloured in DD's chart whilst the sauce was cooking, and made one up for DD's friend - which we duly pinned on our fridge with DD's.

Today after school, "Other Mum" comes over to "thank me", before adding that in her opinion it's unsuitable to make fancy breakfasts like that, and in future, should her DD come again she will supply some cereal, and that she would appreciate it if I didn't fill her DD's head with silly ideas about expensive "tri-coloured veggies" (sic), as she has to work, and it is all a bit impractical!

Obviously don't really want to fall out with the mother of DD's first best friend, and will say nowt. However I AM SEETHING - AIBU?

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 07/04/2010 08:28

why didn't you have it out with her when she came up to you after school and explain what happened, clear the air? I don't understand why you let that pass, because it was so unexpected?

To say "if my dd comes to your house again, I'll supply her with cereal" so she needn't have one of your fancy breakfasts is a real cheek.

cheesypopfan · 07/04/2010 08:28

When I was an overworked, stressed out mum, yes, I would have been incredibly stressed if childcare fell through but, by the same token, incredibly grateful that someone had stepped in to help out and had obviously given my child a good time. I can't imagine ever complaining to someone for basically doing a good job of looking after my child at short notice.

Bonsoir · 07/04/2010 08:31

What a rude and ungrateful woman.

seeker · 07/04/2010 08:41

Sure - she shouldn't have been rude - but you see I'm a nasty cynical person who suspects that some of thei was what the OP decided the other mother was thinking rather than what she actually said!!!!!!

bibbitybobbityhat · 07/04/2010 08:43

Its not just you Seeker.

LoveBeingAMummy · 07/04/2010 08:48

PMSL @ should her dd come again

Laquitar · 07/04/2010 08:48

Maybe she was up to here with all the 'advice' on healthy eating from Govertment and school and she took it out on you?

Still, she was rude.

piscesmoon · 07/04/2010 08:49

I expect that what really happened was that the other mum was highly stressed, childcare falling through is an utter nightmare. She would then collect her DD who would keep on about the wonderful time she had and 'why can't we have breakfasts like that,mummy?' and 'why can't I help you with the cooking?' and 'we should be eating.......'
My DCs often used to come home raving about 'other families and what they do and why can't we....'
I expect you got her on a raw moment.

NoahAndTheWhale · 07/04/2010 08:52

Were the crafts made at preschool? I would be impressed at someone else doing that with my child but would probably feel a bit bad that it wasn't me (even though it woukd be irrational).

Did the other mum understand what the chart was about? We do as you have told us but she might have thought you were standing there dictating to her DD what she should be eating, which woukdn't be great.

skinsl · 07/04/2010 08:59

agree with seeker
she was probably having a bad day, and your "perfection" made her feel bad.Don't think she should have been rude, but sometimes when you are upset and trying not to cry it can come across as rude and abrupt.
Can't really see why not many people can see that.
op sounds like you are straight out of the Stepford Wives

AmazingBouncingFerret · 07/04/2010 09:03

I would of loved it! Not only did you provide free childcare but you also fed them well and kept them entertained. Much better than shoving them in front of the TV and giving them a packet of cheesy wotsits!

ReshapeWhileDamp · 07/04/2010 09:14

at Stepford Wives. That's not particularly pleasant, or accurate. The OP is interested in food and shares that with her daughter. Not to involve her DD's friend in this, if it's so much part of their day, would have been hurtful and excluding.

And they do a bit of crafting on the side (for all you know, the OP was happily MNing away while the children were cutting and colouring in!). So what? Good god, get the pitchforks out.

Casserole · 07/04/2010 09:18

OP YANBU. You stepped in to help her at the last minute, you gave up you non-working time to look after her DD, you gave her what sounds like a BRILLIANT morning and all for free.

She was unacceptably rude and ungrateful.

It's up to you what you do really. Some people would speak to her about it, or you could let it go and just rise above.... be prepared though, at some point she WILL ask you to have her DD again - that might be the time to set your ground rules!!

skinsl · 07/04/2010 09:20

ok, maybe Stepford wives a bit ott. We just say stepford wives when things are a little too perfect!

AngryPixie · 07/04/2010 09:27

The friend was very rude, you helped her out of a childcare spot, end of!

However..... I would be a bit pissed off if someone suggested to my dc that eating vegetables was something to be noted and ultimately rewarded, because it suggests that it's an unpleasant thing and only worth doing it for a reward.

I want my children to accept vegetables as a perfectly normal food stuff which they eat because it tastes nice! I wouldn't want a pasta/Bread/'any other food' chart either.

I would not have said anything though as it was in your house and a huge favour to me.

hettie · 07/04/2010 09:28

why are you doing a vegetable chart may i ask?

LynetteScavo · 07/04/2010 09:32

Where do you get decent strawberries at this time of year?

muddleduck · 07/04/2010 09:33

is there any chance she might have been joking?

I've 'told off' one of my friends for 'showing off' when ds2 came home from hers with a tub of home-cooked muffins. But I knew that she would know I was joking IYKWIM.

muminthemiddle · 07/04/2010 09:34

YANBU.
Perhaps the other mum took it the wrong way though as it may have highlighted her shortcomings in the 5 a day thing.

MrsBadger · 07/04/2010 09:34

Yes she was rude etc etc

but actually I think that AngryPixie has a point

having charts and targets for 'healthy' foods, with the result of an (unhealthy) chocolate treat if they are met sounds like a weird attitude to me
unless they are instituted specifically to (eg) combat fussiness like StayFrosty's or similar

I would be wary of letting your dh's admitted obsessiveness spread too far across dd's life.

Laquitar · 07/04/2010 09:35

Well said AngryPixie

AngryPixie · 07/04/2010 09:40
Blush
violethill · 07/04/2010 10:03

I also agree with AngryPixie.

Yes, the woman shouldn't have said anything, because ultimately the OP was doing her a big favour.

But using charts and reward systems for something which should just be a normal part of everyday life - ie eating fruit and veg - is weird, and is likely to create few issues.

As MrsBadger says, there may be specific circumstances where it may be the best option, eg if the OP's dd already had serious issues with food, but in this case, it would not have been appropriate to extend it to another child. IMO, healthy meals should be served up as a matter of course, not with charts and reward systems.

violethill · 07/04/2010 10:04

a few issues

teaandcakeplease · 07/04/2010 10:08

I notice some people keep mentioning the chart being weird and other similar things. In the OP's post on 06-Apr-10 at 22:03:03 . She does say her husband made it for her DD. Just wanted to vindicate her a little

I suspect she won't be back until tonight, as she's so good at doing things with her DD, unlike me leaving mine watching Something Special