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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off at being "reprimanded" for telling someone elses' DC about healthy food?

188 replies

PinkDawn · 06/04/2010 20:47

DD has made a best friend at preschool - I don't know the other Mum well, but when her childcare fell through last Thursday, I offered to take her DD from 8am and drop to our pm preschool session.

I don't work Thursdays, so it's lazy breakfast day. We made pancakes with strawberries and blueberries. For lunch, the girls helped make a fresh tomato pasta - my DD usually plays the vegetable counting game whenever we cook or eat (she has a chart, and we're aiming for 5 a day, with 3 different colours). DD's friend wanted to play too - so we coloured in DD's chart whilst the sauce was cooking, and made one up for DD's friend - which we duly pinned on our fridge with DD's.

Today after school, "Other Mum" comes over to "thank me", before adding that in her opinion it's unsuitable to make fancy breakfasts like that, and in future, should her DD come again she will supply some cereal, and that she would appreciate it if I didn't fill her DD's head with silly ideas about expensive "tri-coloured veggies" (sic), as she has to work, and it is all a bit impractical!

Obviously don't really want to fall out with the mother of DD's first best friend, and will say nowt. However I AM SEETHING - AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkDawn · 06/04/2010 21:20

No - left it on the fridge, next to DD's chart. It was a very rough attempt at a chart - a 2 minute job - she went home with a paper daffodil she made and an easter card she coloured in for her mum and dad.

Incidentally, don't think my pancakes would be that unhealthy - cooked in olive oil, and only a little bit of sugar in them, with masses of fresh fruit and no added sugar.. Oh dear - I think I might be getting a bit defenisve myself

OP posts:
DebiNewberry · 06/04/2010 21:21

did she really truly have a go at you or was it just a bit snide? I just can't imagine a mum at school saying anything like that to me. I can well imagine a whole lot of tittering with other mums about it - the vegetable counting game, charts and the like, but I just cannot imagine somebody, even the maddest ones coming out with anything like that.

14hourstillbedtime · 06/04/2010 21:26

PinkDawn - I live in Berkeley, everyone here is a bit nutty normally I like it, but every so often it does get on my tits a bit... She's one of those friends who you like, sort of, and then they also massively wind you up IYKWIM?

Oh, and BTW - your pancakes sound yummy! And it's FUN to make food with/for your kids - DS has a whale of a time making the cakes for Thursday tea - that's partly why I do it, to involve him. And I completely agree with you about eating what they are eating/them eating what you eat... Easier and more sensible.

(Wine, however, is just for grown-ups Or, as DH says: 'For when you're a Daddy, as that's when you'll need it')

Original poster
PinkDawn · 06/04/2010 21:28

Hmm... snide rather than shouty. If I had to elaborate, I would say a cross between sneering and laughing at me...

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 06/04/2010 21:29

I think pre-schoolers should eat healthily.

I also think pre-schoolers having fruit & veg charts, counting veg and the colours of veg etc. is bonkers.

birdworthington · 06/04/2010 21:30

Oh, then thats just rude. even if she felt you were criticizing her there is no need to be rude.

ToastieLover · 06/04/2010 21:34

PMSL at StayFrosty, with her 'sour fucking grapes' .

steals as very own comment

mummytowillow · 06/04/2010 21:35

What time shall I send my daughter round, she would have absolutely loved what you did with them! Ignore the silly woman, I would have been more than happy if you had done that with my DD!

chandellina · 06/04/2010 21:37

YANBU but sadly she must have felt it made her look bad in comparison, and drew her own practices into question. FWIW, I'd try to have a bit of sympathy for her, since most of us seem to have that feeling at one point or another. Of course that's no excuse for rudeness, but maybe in her head it sounded more jokey?

peppapighastakenovermylife · 06/04/2010 21:44

I want to know what on earth you make for breakfast when it is 'non lazy' .

I think she probably felt a bit inadequate / working mother guilt. To her it probably felt like you were being super mum with a super daughter who eats a fabulous diet with a mum who makes elaborate breakfasts (compared to cereal) and sits and does crafts with the children rather than ignoring them.

Of course you are not 'wrong' but she probably felt like she is being poor in comparison?

fallon8 · 06/04/2010 21:46

everyone else's mum always did everything better than me!!!

mazzystartled · 06/04/2010 21:47

blimey you did crafts too??

pancakes sounds unhealthy though, doesn't it? DD's friend will have said we had lovely pancakes for breakfast and for all her mum knows they were laden in empty calories. I think the chart might also come across as bordering on the obsessive, even if you do it in a low-key way.

TBH I think I would let it go, or possibly invite friend's mum round sometime to let her see you are not supermum (tone it down a bit if you are)

hatesponge · 06/04/2010 21:48

HE....likewise. If my DC had come home telling me about counting veg and making fruit and veg charts,I would be thinking this was clearly the sign of a parent with far too much time on their hands

Hence I can see why the other mum might have been a bit 'unhappy' about it all, nonetheless that doesn't give her the right to be rude, or excuse her doing so, when this situation has arisen out of you doing her a favour in the first place by having her DD.

Thediaryofanobody · 06/04/2010 21:52

She sounds like an ungrateful cow, I would be making sure there isn't a next time.

Original poster
PinkDawn · 06/04/2010 22:03

"time on my hand"??

Oh I wish! Have always been keen on cooking though, and cook a lot. DH has the obsessive personality, and currently, as well as pre-children, would count his veg intake and alcohol units I always thought this was rather deranged, but he helped DD make the chart, and they seem to have great fun filling it in.

OP posts:
Missus84 · 06/04/2010 22:06

It was rude of her to say anything - how you do things in your own home is up to you. She should have been grateful for the childcare, regardless of whether you fed them skips all day or obsessively weighed out macrobiotic food for them.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 06/04/2010 22:07

Mmm. Making a chart because your DD had one too = perfectly understandable, she wanted to join in.

Not sending DD's friend home with it was a good call, but I can still understand how it might have been received ('we made a chart of the vegetables we ate and I have to have 5 a day and all different colours'). Not the OP's problem, though.

The woman is clearly unbalanced to take it all so personally/defensively. Some people just think that whatever you do/say, whatever choices you make, it's All About Them. I know a few like that myself. YOu feel that you can't say anything to them about your own choices, because they're going to take it as a personal attack.

And surely she understands that when her DD spends the day at someone else's house, she does as her hosts do? Surely the OP doesn't have to apologise (to the woman, or to anyone here) for involving her child and the guest in making meals, being interested and informed about food, and doing a bit of cutting-out and sticking? Jeez.

StayFrosty · 06/04/2010 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 06/04/2010 22:10

Definitely a story with more than one side. I suspect her DD didn't give a completely accurate account of the day's events.

smallorange · 06/04/2010 22:13

She was very rude. You were doing her a favour. She shouldn't complain. And the breakfast and cooking sound lovely. Would love someone to do that with my kids.

I think pancakes and fruit are an excellent breakfast gor pre-schoolers. Much better than a bowl of cheerios.

pigletmania · 06/04/2010 22:15

YANBU how rude of her! and to assume you will want to do it again after being spoken to like that She sounds really ungrateful, and probably feels inadequate herself tbh.

cyb · 06/04/2010 22:22

TBH if my kid came home from someones house with a load of crafts they had made, twittering on about their healthy eating chart I may be sticking voodoo pins into an effegy of the parent...but then I'm a black hearted old witch with an inferiority complex...

I certainly wouln't be bold enough to say it to your face!

minouminou · 06/04/2010 22:24

Balls to her!
Good for you.

Rockbird · 06/04/2010 22:25

Hang on, what exactly was she commenting on? If she thought the pancakes were unhealthy but didn't like the 5 a day message of the chart, don't the two cancel each other out thereby leaving her nothing to whinge about? She can't have it all ways..?

tootootired · 06/04/2010 22:27

I feel for the other mum - she probably got an earful of strawberries and blueberries and "have we had our 5 a day yet mummy?" all weekend - kids can be like that and it's not what you need when you're all too aware of not living up to the Ideal Government Healthy Eating Standards.

Live and let live. (now you don't hear that much in AIBU!)