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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off at being "reprimanded" for telling someone elses' DC about healthy food?

188 replies

PinkDawn · 06/04/2010 20:47

DD has made a best friend at preschool - I don't know the other Mum well, but when her childcare fell through last Thursday, I offered to take her DD from 8am and drop to our pm preschool session.

I don't work Thursdays, so it's lazy breakfast day. We made pancakes with strawberries and blueberries. For lunch, the girls helped make a fresh tomato pasta - my DD usually plays the vegetable counting game whenever we cook or eat (she has a chart, and we're aiming for 5 a day, with 3 different colours). DD's friend wanted to play too - so we coloured in DD's chart whilst the sauce was cooking, and made one up for DD's friend - which we duly pinned on our fridge with DD's.

Today after school, "Other Mum" comes over to "thank me", before adding that in her opinion it's unsuitable to make fancy breakfasts like that, and in future, should her DD come again she will supply some cereal, and that she would appreciate it if I didn't fill her DD's head with silly ideas about expensive "tri-coloured veggies" (sic), as she has to work, and it is all a bit impractical!

Obviously don't really want to fall out with the mother of DD's first best friend, and will say nowt. However I AM SEETHING - AIBU?

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 06/04/2010 22:38

Oh whatever. You do what you do in your house. She wants the childcare she should put up and shut up.

stleger · 06/04/2010 22:47

I use pancakes to get eggs an milk into teenage girls, so not unhealthy in my book. But only at weekends!

Wordsmith · 06/04/2010 22:47

YANBU. However your description of your morning's activities has made me feel a bit , because there's no way my DSs would ever think it's fun to do a chart for diferent coloured vegetables, try as I might.
So if the other mum is anything like me, she's probably feeling a bit put out. But not your fault, just the usual mum guilt.

ilovepiccolina · 06/04/2010 22:57

What a rude person. She has no manners. You sound lovely.

serinBrightside · 06/04/2010 23:12

She should have brought you flowers to say thanks for the childcare.

ChippingIn · 06/04/2010 23:17

What an ungrateful cow. In her situation I would have been very grateful for you having her and (as long as it was vegetarian) you could have fed her anything and I'd be grateful!

Can you see her little DD sitting there with her bowl of (sugar laden) cereal while you and your DD sit there eating pancakes with fresh fruit - or would she expect you to have the same as her DD so as not to show her up?!

It's quite hard for any child not to be aware of the '5 a day' stuff isn't it? (Even if they don't care/want to do it/like it). It's not like you were telling her something she wouldn't have already been exposed to (I don't bang on to other kids about why we are vegetarian and I answer their questions as diplomatically so as not to cause problems for their parents).

Even if the DDs do come home with X's Mummy does/says 'this', you should too/I want to/why don't we etc - then that's all just part & parcel of bringing them up isn't it? If it's not x's Mum it's the teacher, if it's not the teacher, it's Nana, if it's not Nana it's the lady next door .... you just tell them we do it differently.

Actually, maybe you should feel a bit sorry for her, she sounds like she has a real inferiority complex!

dignified · 06/04/2010 23:39

Why did she make the comment about filling her head with ideas about tri coloured veggies , what did she mean by that ?
Making the chart, along with the five a day thing mightve come badly to be honest and she mightve took it as preaching to her child.

Am going to say though, i would be a little miffed myself at this, i hate the 5 a day preaching that gets shoved down our throats and wouldve thought you making her a chart a bit much. Im fully aware of 5 a day and id think it my job to educate my child about this , no one elses.

ChippingIn · 07/04/2010 00:22

dignified - even if she was preaching to the other child about having '5 a day' (which she wasn't) does it really matter? They get it shoved down-their-- throats taught about it at school - it's not a new concept or something radical. All the Mum needed to say was, yes, some people think it's important, I don't. End of.

She coloured in a chart - she wasn't beaten! No different in my mind to colouring in a picture of an Easter Egg.

No matter what you think of a pre-schooler having a '5 a day' chart - she was well looked after, well fed, cared for - when the Mother needed someone to help - and to be honest - anything that doesn't actually put her in danger in this situation 'has' to be pretty much ok no??

(OP - I've no thoughts either way on a '5 A Day Chart' - whatever works in your house )

ShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/04/2010 00:50

YANBU - so 'if' her daughter comes to play again, she has to sit and miserably slurp a bowl of soggy cheerios whilst you all enjoy your fruit and pancakes? How bizarre! And why does working make it impractical to feed your child different coloured fruit and veg? She obviously has an inferiority complex.

Ultimately, though, surely she is just being ungrateful and rude? Most people's houses run a little differently. Maybe her daughter hasn't been to play with many other children, so she hasn't realised that yet.

Original poster
PinkDawn · 07/04/2010 07:05

dignified about the tri-colour thingy, she is probably referring to our chart. To get 5 a day prize, DD has to eat 5 different fruit or veg, from 3 different colour groups.

I am a bit taken aback by your statement:
"my job to educate my child about this , no one elses"
I'm sure I wasn't the first person to tell her about veg! It's not like I let them watch The Ring or explained where babies came from!

OP posts:
traceybath · 07/04/2010 07:11

Perhaps she's just ahead of the curve

I would be a bit surprised if my 4 year old came home from a friends with a healthy eating chart but am secure enough in my parenting/cooking not to take offence.

Its just typical of how people think everything is about them - you do things differently to her - so what, thats your choice and isn't a criticism of her.

Most impressed by your crafting.

flippedfrog · 07/04/2010 07:28

I think she was trying to be funny and self depreciating.

cheesypopfan · 07/04/2010 07:51

she was very rude, but as others have said, it probably springs from a touch of guilt and envy. Her DD has probably gone on and on about what a fab time she had at yours and 'can we do this like they did' etc etc. However, that is her problem, not yours.

What I find really off is, that after being so rude to you when all you did was look after her child, she indicates that she may ask you to do it again! So you're now supposed to provide free childcare, on her grounds, regardless of what is usual (and clearly fun for the children)in your own house? Cheek!

(she says, currently having a lazy breakfast of hot cross buns forced into the toaster, wishing she had the energy to make pancakes )

gtamom · 07/04/2010 07:52

I wouldn't be seething, I'd just laugh it off.
Hopefully she was joking about sending cereal!
I wouldn't have a problem with it if my child had visited a friend and came home excitedly talking about the fun they had doing this and that. You were not shoving anything down her throat, it is the same idea as a sticker chart with a rewards for accomplishing certain goals. It's a great idea, I have always been a fan of rewarding positive accomplishments, and had sticker charts on my fridge for years, for my own children and for my daycare children.
My son would come home from one friends house, who's mother always made them all chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream for breakfast. I know she did this as a special treat for them, it being a sleepover and all.

It was a special treat for her son's friends, and what is so terrible about that?

mangoandlime · 07/04/2010 08:02

Well, that's the last time you'll be looking after that little girl, I'm guessing. Ungrateful woman. So, you looked after her dd once, as a favour, free, and she moaned at you? How badly mannered some people really are.

SethStarkaddersMum · 07/04/2010 08:08

I still think this is hilarious.
Personally I think making a chart for someone else's child is asking for trouble and if I felt like I had been bounced into a situation where I couldn't get out of it (when the child said 'Please will you make one for me?' and I couldn't think of a reason not to that I could tell her) I would be thinking 'oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, hope she doesn't say anything....'
And there is a logical reason actually which is that a chart implies an interest in what the child does after she goes home, not just at the playdate itself.

It is hardly crime of the century and of course the mum was unacceptably rude and LOL @ her saying she would send a box of cereal next time.

(I would however, give an honest answer if a child asked where babies come from. But I would not let them watch The Ring, in case they started playing at being Samara and terrified me.)

sarah293 · 07/04/2010 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsForHowLong · 07/04/2010 08:16

I wouldn't ever help her out again.

I wouldn't be put out at all, but then we do eat healthily in this house.

tittybangbang · 07/04/2010 08:17

Good grief. This sort of OP makes me feel so old. Where have people's manners gone? I like my children to eat healthily, but if I'd accepted a favour from someone to look after dc and she'd given her mother's pride bread fried in lard and sprinkled with salt (yum ) followed by bloody coco-pops I wouldn't say a thing. Bloody ingrate.

foxytocin · 07/04/2010 08:18

YANBU your friend is.

But it is not worth seething over.

It is all about her. NOt about you. just feel secure in the choices you make for yourself and your family.

shrug your shoulders in that Gallic way and move on.

OrmRenewed · 07/04/2010 08:20

DOn't seethe. Ignore.

seeker · 07/04/2010 08:21

I it just me? I think unless you are very good friends and know what goes on in other people's families you sould be a bit careful how you deal with other people's children. If I was a harrassed, overworked mother whose childcare had collapsed at the last minute and I was feeling incredibly stressed about it, it would probably not help if my child came home having spent the day with Mary Poppins! The home made flower and card would make me cry - but I would know that that was my problem and I had to deal with it - but I suspect the vegetable chart would make me incandescent.

teaandcakeplease · 07/04/2010 08:26

OP - I think she was jealous quite frankly and has a massive chip (sp?) on her shoulder. I think it would have got my back up to if she'd said with a "snide rather than shouty. If I had to elaborate, I would say a cross between sneering and laughing at me" attitude

I am a little at you and your charts, breakfasts etc, but unlike your friend, I'd say it with a smile to your face and thank you for looking after my child x

mangoandlime · 07/04/2010 08:28

Some people need to take a chill pill and be thankful their child was well looked after, fed well and entertained.

All for free.

GibbonInARibbon · 07/04/2010 08:28

It sounds like a lovely day was had by all

I do find the chart a bit . Though healthy, I find it a tad obsessive but each to their own and all that.