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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex infront of 18 month old

386 replies

TwoDotZero · 25/03/2010 17:30

We were having a cuddle that turned into a bit of a quickie. Ds was playing in his room and occasionally sticking his head around the door but generally not paying much attention to us.

Afterwards I turned around and came face to face with ds sitting on our bed, reading a book and showing me a picture.

He didn't seem at all bothered.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
tittybangbang · 26/03/2010 15:52

Wonder how parents ever managed to have sex in the 20000 years of human history before the existance of separate bedrooms?

MrsPixie · 26/03/2010 15:56

here here Su, the same old chestnut over and over again

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 26/03/2010 16:04

Ellebeing - get over yourself! As I said earlier on in the thread, the vast majority of parents in the world have no choice but to have sex in the same room as their probably-sleeping children.

LittleMrsHappy · 26/03/2010 16:06

I do have to lol at some of the comments.

I choose not to have sex when my children are freely walking from room to room, as to me its the biggest TURN OFF ever!

Im neither a nun, or need a "good" seeing too also, adult relationship should remain adult relations! My children dont need a preview of me and dh at it even if discretely done!

I want to preserve my children innocents for as long as I can, as when they do come to this stage in life!

My 4 year old know all about the birds and the bees, and knows exactly where a baby comes from and how it is born, clearly all this is age appropriate for him!

dittany · 26/03/2010 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weegiemum · 26/03/2010 16:16

We put our kids in front of a DVD on a weekend afternoon and retire for a "we lie down" - but they are a bit older.

I think some people are over-reacting here - we've been known to answer a shouted question (of the "can we have a snaaaaaaack???" variety), then have a fit of the giggles, then carry on .

Not quite yet on the level of my friend who had her 13 yo dd knock loudly on their bedroom door and shout "if you have to do that during the day, can you keep the noise down!!!.

lotster · 26/03/2010 16:26

YABU.

If you are so distracted you don't see/hear him walk in to the room and sit next to you whilst you're having sex, he could just as easily have hurt himself in another room.

confuddledDOTcom · 26/03/2010 16:34

I'm sitting at the laptop almost naked with Baby nursing wearing only a nappy. That's our house!

Sex under the covers can look like a cuddle to a child, Mummy and Daddy kissing and cuddling as they do. I like the analogy of all fours in the living room! Nice, quiet loving sex, that gently stops when disturbed without jumping up and freaking out is not going to harm a child. And actually my children are a reminder of our joint fertility!

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2010 17:23

I took DS to an adult film shoot when he was 7 months old. Before anyone has a coronary or anything, he wasn't on set when filming was taking place, was in another room all the time etc. But TBH the only thing that bothers small babies is a loud unexpected noise or falling, so I don't know that it would actually do a baby any harm to be sat next to the camera man during the shooting of ANal APocalypse 55.
WRT the OP's DS, he won't have been harmed in any way by this incident. To carry on having sex that there is a good chance of him witnessing would be a bad idea, because a) he might say something or mimic the behaviour and some idiot or other will go beserk and call Social Services, and also, from this age upwards, repeatedly percieving your parents having sex will give you problems with personal boundaries and boundary setting, I would have thought.

lotster · 26/03/2010 17:44

I wouldn't have thought someone calling social services over a small child having heightened awareness of sex would be an idiot...

MrsPixie · 26/03/2010 17:57

"Nice, quiet loving sex"

weisum · 26/03/2010 18:05

Oops - careful not to repeat - don't envy you having to answer the questions.....

OtterInaSkoda · 26/03/2010 18:50

weegie - I remember my grandparents regularly going upstairs for a "nap". By the time it occured to me that perhaps there was a little more to their afternoon snooze (years later when I no longer lived with them) I thought how wonderful a thing it was for a couple in their sixties who'd been together since they were 14 and 17 to want to spend time together like that. It's a wonderful thing to aspire to.

OTH...(!)

SGB - I agree totally WRT personal boundaries and boundary setting. That's probably the most sensible thing I've read on this thread.

BooyhooNOTboohoooORbooyou · 26/03/2010 18:52

ok i have been running this through in my head.

scenario 1: early morning fumble, child pops head round door. immediately stop sex, get up, put dressing gown on and take child down for breakfast.

scenario 2: late night fumble, child pops head round the door. imediately stop sex, get up, put dressing own on and take child back to bed, get back into own bed and go to sleep because the moment has now passed and child is likely to reappear.

scenario 3: daytime when child is awake, carry on normal daytime activities, without the thought of a quick fumble even entering my head because child is awake and would follow.

simples, OP you should have stopped when the child appeared the 1st time.

OtterInaSkoda · 26/03/2010 20:20

Of course confuddled is also talking sense. Likening a child walking in on their parents having "loving..sex" under a duvet is light years away from sitting a child in front of porn. Likening the two is just fucking weird, imo.

SpringHeeledJack · 26/03/2010 20:28

Otter how sweeeet about your grandparents.

as a child I used to vaguely notice my Granddad doing Odd Jobs v early in the morning- ie cleaning the gutters when it was just light, putting an extra bolt on the garden gate, polishing the letterbox etc etc

Twas only many years afterwards I found out that he used to wake up and try to persuade my Nanna to have relations...apparently she used to get most annoyed at this, and ask him if he didn't have anything better to do

DitaVonCheese · 26/03/2010 21:29

I love this thread.

Dittany I am a mum and DH is way more squeamish about DD catching us at it than I am. And to answer your other point, if my mum related this story about me as a toddler, I would find it hilarious.

My aunt and uncle used to shag in the bottom of their campervan while their teenage children were in the top bit. They all seem to have turned out okay

mrsboogie · 26/03/2010 22:59

"a small child having heightened awareness of sex"

oh do give over.

He isn't 5 and they were UNDER A DUVET FFS.

SpringHeeledJack · 26/03/2010 23:01

this thread has had me hopping up and down with rage, on and off

...then I was reminded of what Zoe Williams said in the Guardian this week, about mumsnetters "fighting like ferrets"

ifancyashandy · 26/03/2010 23:24

Oh Mrs Boogie I SO nearly used the 'do give over' phrase about a million posts ago! Hurrah for you!

ps. my boldness isn't working

mrsboogie · 26/03/2010 23:31

it's a fab thread (but not really in a good way)

I can't stay away from it- I wonder where the OP is?

TiggyD · 26/03/2010 23:38

I see the OP joined yesterday just to post on Friday night.

I just hope the people who are really upset about the OP don't visit this site

SolidGoldBrass · 27/03/2010 00:55

TiggyD: What a fantastic site!

fidelma · 27/03/2010 01:01

My dd and ds both remember events from when they were 18 months.We have no photos of these events so I know that they do remember them.

mrsboogie · 27/03/2010 01:09

I love the baby goths. how sweet.