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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex infront of 18 month old

386 replies

TwoDotZero · 25/03/2010 17:30

We were having a cuddle that turned into a bit of a quickie. Ds was playing in his room and occasionally sticking his head around the door but generally not paying much attention to us.

Afterwards I turned around and came face to face with ds sitting on our bed, reading a book and showing me a picture.

He didn't seem at all bothered.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 25/03/2010 22:31

Agree with MrsWobbleTheWaitress am totally gobsmacked at the accusations flying here.

Some of you have the poor child drinking bleach at the top of the stairs while the parents swing from the chandeliers and the man is turned on by the kid's proximity.

Bonkers.

Yes, of course, its better to do it when the child is asleep but seeing mummy and daddy huffing about a bit under the duvet will not do him any harm. He would have no reason to remember it or to draw any inference from it if he did.

her thread title was a bit misjudged - probably because she wasn't expecting everyone to react quite so hysterically or to put their own mucky gloss on events.

StephysFamous · 25/03/2010 22:36

I'm also wondering how the toddler interruptions didn't make the sex feel unsexy.
^^
This.

ben10isgr8 · 25/03/2010 22:58

I think the reactions to this thread have been a bit OTT.

I think the op was unclear and possibly hastily written which left the situation wide open for extreme over-exaggeration and trips to lala paedo land.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable having sex/sexual acts when dcs are wandering around. DH would be up for it any time, any place and does try his luck at the weekend in the mornings when we are snuggled in bed [NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!].

It's not because I think they would be devestatingly traumatised, but because I couldn't get out of mum mode and into slut and would be constantly worried what they were up to.

My parents were very open about sex and we always knew when it was happening (behind closed doors)and I am not scarred. I think they got the balance right.

Sex and esp parental sex (IYKNWIM) is natural and should be an acknowledged part of family life...It is not dirty or sordid. I don't think carrying on regardless was the best choice but if your fumble went un-noticed then no harm/no foul. Chalk it up to experience and move on. FWIW I don't think you are perverted or crazy.

In answer to your question, I stopped having sex with Dc's in their cot at about 4mo, moved them into their own rooms at 9mo...had to use the livingroom or shower for a while. We show affection, cuddle/hold hands/kiss/pat bum but nothing else in front of the kids.

pigletmania · 25/03/2010 23:19

I was thinking that, a toddler should not be wonderering around the house without supervision, whatever happened to a stairgate on the bedroom door!

MrsPixie · 25/03/2010 23:22

How/ Why on earth did you carry on until the "moment" whilst he was tottering around?

You looked over and he was on your bed so you were obviously both quite into it and unaware not to notice.

How could you both do that? Please check your behavior you are not animals.

Please can we pull this bloody awful title?

Rockbird · 25/03/2010 23:44

Ok, so he was in a 'safe' zone. Fine. Except there's a world of difference between being in another room putting washing away, or lying in bed having a natter, to actually having sex. It's going back a while but I seem to remember a degree of concentration being required and obviously you were switched off enough to not notice him climb on top of you therefore safe zone or not, I'd question how safe he was.

But hey, your kid, up to you what you do with him but coming on here expecting a chorus of well done is a bit much.

MollieO · 25/03/2010 23:49

This OP is either a wind up or a journo fishing for a story. I wonder where we'll read it next - DM or ST?

dittany · 25/03/2010 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scoutliam · 26/03/2010 00:01

How is the op crowing or looking for applause or approval or whatever?

Surely she was just asking for opinion? which, by God, she well and truly got.

Fair enough if you think the title was a bit but once you read the post surely you realise she wasn't sitting the child down with a fag and brandy for the floor show.

Twodot, honestly just walk away, don't feel you need try to explain yourself, nothing you say is going to chill out this mob.

RougeBinDippers · 26/03/2010 00:04

18 months old & reading a book while you were shagging?

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2010 00:07

I think the 'oblivious' part is possibly the only real problem if the child was at risk of falling down the stairs or playing with matches. Other than that, not the greatest judgement call but really not the worst thing in the world, either.

GardenPath · 26/03/2010 00:40

You slag, TwoDotZero! I'm sorry, but I've got to say - now I've stopped rolling about on the floor laughing - I've never heard so much prissy twaddle in all my life. Of course YANBU. Blimey, with all my lot it wasn't often one of them didn't wander in! Coitus Interruptus took on a whole new meaning. Bit of peace wouldn't have come amiss.
Not something I'd recommend on a regular basis but I dare say the littl'un probably thought, if he paid any attention at all, that mummy and daddy were having a lovely cuddle. I'm sure you hadn't left him with a running bath to play with, or the gas lit, or any knives and skewers to play with for goodness sake.
I might worry that he's due a baby sis or bro in about nine months, though.

GardenPath · 26/03/2010 00:40

Anyway, how else do you amuse the children?

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2010 00:48

Actually, thinking about it, the OP didn't mention time of day at all - if this was an early-morning sort of thing (ie toddler gets up early and roams his designated safe zone most morning while parents are in bed) then it's even less of a big deal.

GardenPath · 26/03/2010 00:58

What was the book? Not 'The joy of Sex' by any chance? P'raps he was critiquing your technique.

whomovedmychocolate · 26/03/2010 06:53

Yes sex is normal and natural, so is being naked. Doesn't mean I shag my DH while cutting the lawn if the urge hits or answer the door in the buff

If your child managed to climb on the bed because you were ahem distracted how do you know you wouldn't have bounced him off the bed onto his head in your enthusiasm?

I think this thread is utter attention seeking bollocks and made up, but if it's not, then I fear for your child if you think that little of him that you cannot afford him the common decency which separates us from bonobos.

What is more important to you, having a quick shag or protecting your child from harm?

SPBInDisguise · 26/03/2010 07:28

Can't believe people are saying "well at least they're not shouting at each other" - what an odd argument. At least they're not lobbing hand grenades at each other too
Also., this has happened once as far as we know. I don't think anyone is arguing that the DS will be scarred for life by a one off. But if she'd come on here, asked the question and we'df all said fine, yeah, happens all the time and it became a regular thing then I think he might be a bit scarred by it, yes. After all I assume she was asking for opinions to judge whether to risk it again?

AllFallDown · 26/03/2010 08:31

"Are you really oblivious to your child when you're fucking or are you just too scared to say no to your husband?"

Jesus Christ, Dittany. Because, of course, no woman might actually want to have sex herself, or initiate it. It's always because of male threats, isn't it?

GimmeSomeHeadBaby · 26/03/2010 08:55

There is a real stench of bitterness,repression,and just envy about some of the reactions here...I've been there myself OP,DD walked in on us once.Put that in your dried up old vadges and smoke it.

SPBInDisguise · 26/03/2010 08:57

a child walking in on you is NOT the same as choosing to do it knowing the child is innd out of the room. If that makes me repressed or bitter, fine. Obviously there is a line to be drawn from tiny baby to teenager but IMO 18 months is far too old.

MrsPixie · 26/03/2010 09:17

Yeah, I am really envious of someone who fucks in bed with a Toddler sounds like such a laugh!

GibbonInARibbon · 26/03/2010 09:21

Charming name and post GimmeSomeHeadBaby.

The thread title is grim, not sure anyone can dispute that.

Putting it is AIBU. Well that's just the norm for any thread these days it seems.

There is a vast difference to a child accidently walking in and knowing your child is wandering in and out of the room. How you both managed to stay in the mood is beyond me. Even the cat puts DH and I off.

DitaVonCheese · 26/03/2010 09:35

I'm with MrsWobble on this one. Though I'm very amused by all the pervy cats on this thread. Dogs don't seem to be nearly as disruptive of sex lives - just one more reason why they are better

RedRedWine1980 · 26/03/2010 09:39

OP yes you are being unreasonable.
Im no prude my kids see us naked and have no hang ups and know about mummy and daddy have 'special cuddles' etc etc..however to carrying on bonking when your child is awake and wandering around is just strangey strangerson.

OnlyWantsOne · 26/03/2010 09:42

To be honest, I agree with redredwine - I will happily walk round naked, have baths infront of my DD - who is 3, because its just nus in the house monday - friday.

DP is a lot more private, he doesn't do being naked, wont be naked in bed if DD might get in, he's vary wary of showing too much of "adult" life.

We do not / will not have sex if there is the chance that DD might see, infact, the thought appauls me

yes you are being VERY unreasonable doing this.