To have sex infront of 18 month old

[TwoDotZero]

We were having a cuddle that turned into a bit of a quickie. Ds was playing in his room and occasionally sticking his head around the door but generally not paying much attention to us.

Afterwards I turned around and came face to face with ds sitting on our bed, reading a book and showing me a picture.

He didn't seem at all bothered.
Thoughts?

"After all I assume she was asking for opinions to judge whether to risk it again?"

we each read in to things differently and my take was that she posted..hasty title and story... to see if we thought this single incident would scar her child...not seeking permission for repeat performance.

As she explained earlier, she was also looking for opinions on when other posters stopped being sexually intimate with their LO's nearby.

as pper has said she did not sit sit her LO down with hugh heffner robe, whiskey and ciggar to watch the performance. It was an accident!

I don't understand the accusations of neglect, endangerment, paedo grooming and talk of SS.

She already said she made an error posting on this board.

has no one on this board got a little carried away in the moment...overly judgemental!

I could understand that if she wasnt aware her child was awake Ben10 and stopped when she realised he was 'popping his head around the door' but it continued to the point she didnt even realise her child was sitting on the bed! For fuck sakes how is that even slightly normal? How can you continue to be in a state of arousal when you are fully concious that a child is awake and popping in and out the room? Yeeueccch.

o its fine! it is not like you did it on purpose. people have sex - its how your DS got here after all! I really don't think it is a problem at all.

yet more baseless reading of dire circumstances based on suppositions and extrapolations of stuff she didn't say on her OP!!!!

This is is the most bonkers thread I have seen my 2 years on mumsnet.

prissy twaddle indeed!!

I'm intrigued by all these people saying they'd never take their eyes of an 18mo/allow them to roam freely in their own home. If your house is secure and toddler proofed, where's the problem? IIRC the OP's ds was playing in his room - can people really not leave their dcs alone in their own room for 20 minutes (she did say it was a quickie, not a marathon love in)? Bizarre.

I ignored the OP at first as I assumed twas a journo-troll

assuming for a minute that it isn't- I can't believe a lot of the posts on here! What a massive overreaction. Like sitting a child in front of porn? and assumptions that somehow coercion is involved?

I think the OP- if she is real- probably expected a "oops that happened to me this week " type response- which I think would have happened had she been a regular. But what she's had back has been completely disproportionate imo.

I am much, much more shocked at the responses than at the OP...

Its TOTALLY different to having a bedtime/early morning fumble where a child wakes up and tries to get in their parents bed though- they KNEW the child was awake and wandering in and out, it wasnt a 'whoops how did that happen' type situation because OP was concious her kid was wandering around but still carried on fucking! It just seems totally mental to me!

much more damaging if parents having a big screaming row in front of their child.

Much less damaging than murdering each other- still doesn't mean its 'okay' to do either really

yes it does, it is completely ok - OP you can hold your head up high! You've done nothing wrong and you and DH still fancy each other..an achivement in and of itself!

they were under a duvet, for fuck's sake!

and yes, I quite frequently wandered in on my parents having sex as a toddler. So did my siblings, apparently. Or so we're told. We can't remember.

The fact that we can't would indicate that it isn't going to scar OP's dc for life either

mrsboogie I agree - this is utterly bonkers!

"Thoughts?"

That you are either very brave or very stupid to have posted that in the first place but look at all the attention you got!! The varying degree of horror from post to post is very intersting and look how this thread has managed to run away from the OP!!

Not sure you should have let "it" happen if DS was awake, roaming around and there was a chance of you getting sprung, not a risk I would take.

It doesnt matter if they were under an igloo- the fact their child may not remember is by the by also, THEY are the adults and THEY are the ones who should know what is appropriate behaviour to engage in whilst their child is wandering around, and as others have said exercise some self control.

Me sat smoking a reefer while the kids play in the park probably wouldnt scar them for life but would I do it? NO? Why not- oh yeah, its called being a responsible adult who can control their urges!

Dittany 'leaving porn on while kids wander around'?!?! Can you hear yourself?! Are you honestly saying you've never had a quickie with your DP while your babies / toddlers (sorry, don't know age of your kids) were around?

Her baby did not come to any harm, did not seem at all distressed and this whole 'how could she lose focus on her child' issue amazes me - it could have just been for a couple of minutes (if we're going by my DP on occassion!! ).

Look at it this way - have you never been on the phone in another room, totally ingrossed (sp?) in the conversation, while your toddler plays in the other room, to suddenly hear 'crash / wail'? I know I have. What's the difference? And I know you'll say the difference is SEX but, sorry to say, that's your, and every other poster who's been up in arms, hang up.

well said ifancyashandy.

"As she explained earlier, she was also looking for opinions on when other posters stopped being sexually intimate with their LO's nearby."
So why would she want to know that then? To see if she should risk it again, presumably!!

As far as the big screaming row goes - the fact that there is something worse is not an argument for it being OK. It's like saying "well they were having a big screaming argument but at least they weren't hitting each other"

"Well they were hitting each other but at least there were no weapons involved"

"Well she had a knife but at least they didn't have guns"

madness. Stay on the argument of what the OP says she was doing, rather than comparing it to hypothetical worse things!

I can't believe the attitude to sex on this thread. This is from someone who was brought up a Catholic and who has her share of neuroses about the whole thing. Sex between two loving adults is not the same as porn and frankly equating the two is a completey disrespectful to the people who suffer terribly as part of that industry.

A child accidentally seeing their parents havning discreet sex under a duvet is so far away from having porn playing on the Tv as to be laughable.

It is really indicative of why we are in such a mess about sexuality in this country. Can people really not see that?

I am disgusted at the reactions to the OP.
Ds1 stood at our doorway once. we were under the covers. we stopped immediately. and were very embarrassed. was any harm done to ds? no, i don't think so. i did expect the OP to stop, not just let him keep popping in. but that was her only 'crime'.
calling it an ffense
peadophilia
sick

etc etc. that is what i find so upsetting. you are all very strange.

I agree that it's wrong and YABU, etc.

However, I don't think he'll have any lasting damage as I doubt they were full on porno style shagging.

I would assume it was discrete, quiet, barely there love making under a duvet.

We wouldn't do it and DH wouldn't even do it in the same room as DS when DS was 4 weeks old and sleeping.

Oh, really. Don't you think you are somewhat missing the point? It happened once and I for one read the OP as 'oh bugger, anyone else had this happen to them? Shame!!' not 'Please tell me it's ok for me to do this all the time'.

Kids see their parents having sex. I know I did. And yes, it was awkward (I was 8 or 9 at them time) but it actually allowed us to have a conversation about Grown Up Cuddles.

Would I want my toddler to see me and DP having sex? Not much, no. But I have no doubt that it will happen and we'll deal with it. The OP does not deserve the harranging she has received.

Oh, and I gave my opinion, not a lecture. Stupidly, I thought that's what this board was for .