get police involved or not ?

[elmofan]

hi , have posted about my ds going through hell by the hands of a bully in his class before but things have started up again yesterday ,
brief history = ds (11yrs) was beaten up last year by two boys in his class , he received kicks to his head & upper body & ended up suffering terrible headaches & having tests & an MRI scan which thankfully was clear so headaches were put down to stress
yesterday ds got punched in his stomach at lunchtime by bully then chased down the road to where the school car park is the bully was trying to beat him up again , ds has told me the bully keeps making "cut throat signs " & telling ds he is going to kill him , so i stepped out of my car yesterday when i saw ds running for his life & this boy continued to threaten my ds while i was standing right there beside him
no fear in him what so ever .
AIBU ?
i am sick & tired of going up to the principal about this as she does not seem to do anything about it , i intend to go back up on Monday morning to tell her i am going to have to get he police involved at this stage as she seems unable to put a stop to this bully . this has been going on for two years now .

porphyrophillicpixie , thats terrible

It's okay, it honestly strengthened me, even if the realisation did take 6 years! I was bullied all throughout high school so I got used to it, though the physical bullying stopped after that event as I moved schools. I know that doesn't sound promising for your ds but it really honestly does make you stronger if you can live with it, unfortunately now kids/teens really don't just let events/bullying blow over quickly and get away with too much

I will be reading this later I promise! Just going out for dinner in five minutes and am still procrastinating on MN!

elmofan,I havent read all of this post but would like to say what a dreadful situation you have been in and I cant believe that schools arnt taking bullying seriously STILL!

Well done for all the work you have done to get this horrible situation sorted out for you and your poor ds.

I have been watching this thread since last sunday, I really ffeel for you. I have watched all the great advice you have been given and have nothing on that front to add.

I have though this to add, form what I have read you are a wonderful mum, you care and act. This head can't control the boy that has been twice expelled, the head can't control his parent either - so instead of dealing with that issue she continulely puts you and your ds and your family life down, she is hopeless.

I hope you get this sorted and good for you don't cry - be proud

I have just read through this thread, your son is very strong to be going into school each day despite all this. I can see where he gets his strength from. Ok, yes of course you were upset, we all feel as though we are not as good a parent as would would like and that Head kicked you right in a weak spot for any parent. To be honest I think she is a bully too and you following through will show your son clearly how not to be cowed by bullies BUT how to deal with things properly.

Keep going I bet your DH is so proud of both of you.

porphrophillicpixie - good on you going to the police & trying to sort things out yourself , enjoy your meal x

raspberrytart & ivykaty44 , it has been a roller coaster of emotions this week so far , i was very upset this morning but now i am just annoyed at the head for trying to put ds down , i am very proud of ds , he never gives me any trouble going into school ,
gonnaabehappy - thank you , xx

Elmo, what a fantastic boy your son is. He's been bullied really badly - actually, bullied is such a tame word. He's been violently assaulted - and he keeps going to school day after day, he manages to tell the bullies to stop or to piss off, and he's loving and affectionate with you.

You are obviously a fantastic mum to have raised such a brave, caring, strong boy.

Please do write the letters and follow up. Even if this boy's parents have talked to him, the fact remains that the school itself didn't take action even after a violent asault was committed, the Head tried to bluff you and when you stood your ground then she tried bullying tactics of her own.

Totally unacceptable. The Board needs to be informed of the situation.

Lots of us will be happy to look at or refine any letters, if that helps.

tortoiseonthehalfshell , thank you for that lovely post x , yes ds is very brave , but he should not have to put up with this , so yes i am following through with the letters as i cant wait until the head besides to slack off again , so far dh & i have a draft of the letter done but its almost 3 A4 sized pages long as there has been SO many altercations between ds & x and as advised by casserole & others its done in paragraphs explaining what happened , when it happened ds reaction to it & the principals actions , could write a novel at this stage
thanks when i have the letter finished i hope to run it all past you if everyone does not mind & maybe get some more ideas to put in it . xxx

Elmofan, I'm afraid I've been of no practical help here at all, compared to the fantastic advice you've been given by others.

I just wanted th echo what toths said, about your brave boy and what a tower of strength you're being for him.

What a week it's been for you!

Wishing you continued strength...xx

Don't shy away from it being long, Elmofan - that's the point. It shows how long it's been going on and how much you've tried to sort things out.

Glad DS had a better day and thank God for the angel on the board

Away most of this coming week and weekend but will check in as I can. Sounds like you're winning tho

Hi Elmo Sorry it took so long to get back to you the following is a copy and paste from The Education Act 1996 and mmay help when writing to the board as it is the duty of the Board of management I thik section 2 is the most appropriate sub section B and D

15.?(1) It shall be the duty of a board to manage the school on behalf of the patron and for the benefit of the students and their parents and to provide or cause to be provided an appropriate education for each student at the school for which that board has responsibility.

[GA] (2) A board shall perform the functions conferred on it and on a school by this Act and in carrying out its functions the board shall?

[GA] (a) do so in accordance with the policies determined by the Minister from time to time,

[GA] (b) uphold, and be accountable to the patron for so upholding, the characteristic spirit of the school as determined by the cultural, educational, moral, religious, social, linguistic and spiritual values and traditions which inform and are characteristic of the objectives and conduct of the school, and at all times act in accordance with any Act of the Oireachtas or instrument made thereunder, deed, charter, articles of management or other such instrument relating to the establishment or operation of the school,

[GA] (c) consult with and keep the patron informed of decisions and proposals of the board,

[GA] (d) publish, in such manner as the board with the agreement of the patron considers appropriate, the policy of the school concerning admission to and participation in the school, including the policy of the school relating to the expulsion and suspension of students and admission to and participation by students with disabilities or who have other special educational needs, and ensure that as regards that policy principles of equality and the right of parents to send their children to a school of the parents' choice are respected and such directions as may be made from time to time by the Minister, having regard to the characteristic spirit of the school and the constitutional rights of all persons concerned, are complied with,

(e) have regard to the principles and requirements of a democratic society and have respect and promote respect for the diversity of values, beliefs, traditions, languages and ways of life in society,

(f) have regard to the efficient use of resources (and, in particular, the efficient use of grants provided under section 12), the public interest in the affairs of the school and accountability to students, their parents, the patron, staff and the community served by the school, and

casserole & buzzybb ahh thank you so much for that , ds has been fine the last couple of days thankfully , & x's mum has stayed away much to my relief . I got talking to a mum at the school today who i have not seen in a while & she told me about a child in her dd's class who has had to leave school because the bullying got so bad , this boy had been kicked so viciously (down below) he bled & needed to go to A&E apparently the boys mother went over the principals head & went to the BOM & board of ed & got no where , i dont think she got the police involved though , she has now moved her ds to another school , the advice this mother gave me today was not to bother with the BOM as the principal has them in her pocket . but with the help of my hero on the board of ed i am hopeful of getting somewhere . fingers crossed . xxx

hi , just wondering if i could run the letter for the schools board of management by you , if thats OK . ?

elmo am around for another hr and then away for 24 hrs is that to little time for you?

Call the police and change you DSs school. Fucking little animal needs a good kick up the arse from someone bigger than him. It's the only way to sort these scumbags out IMO.

What the f? YOUR boy is being offered to being held back? Leaving aside that if the bully just waited for 10-15 mintues, which he might well do, why is the first thought of the teacher that your boy should be held back. The bully should be held back!!! Are they afraid of him? Could appear so since they don't deal directly with this horrible child! Start taking pictures of the injuries and keep a journal of any incidents your ds experiences. Show this to the police and to the teachers after that. Hopefully that is enough!

Elmo, Yes x

I find it disgusting and porp story remind me of my sisters case, a girl in 5th year, was always bullying my sister, and was getting beyond a joke, our parents had enough and went to the school and demanded something me done about it.

Of course nothing did, the idiot then got my sister in a corner and was beating the living day lights out of her and my sister bite into her arm quite voraciously, as she did not know what else to do!

My sister got 2 weeks suspension and also social services were called to our house due to my sister violent outburst and nothing was done to this girl who put my sister through hell.

Sister was so angered by the schools treatment of her she walked out half way through her highers and did not get her higher education at high school, she had to go through college and then university for a extra 2 years due to the lack of support from our high school sister felt as if she was the one who was in the wrong, and that all the years of her getting beating daily were somehow "right" by the schools eyes.

I re-read the messages about the other boy who's mother had told the BOM? My goodness, what sort of school is this? You could, as an extreme, if the letters etc doesn't help, get a solicitor involved and sue the Head, the Chair of the BOM and the Chair of the B of Ed personally. If they do not act appropriately based on the information and complaints you have given them, or don't keep you informed of their actions in this respect, you may have a case against them. Its called wilful negligence or something similar (I'm not a solicitor). Check out this link cecp.air.org/interact/authoronline/february99/3.htm

You could use this as a last resort to make them sit up and listen, to change their behaviour for future children if you decide to take your child out of this school or for financial reasons if you think your boy needs medical treatment and you want it done privately (I had to have a nosejob due to a glass bottle being smached in my face and so it came in handy for me!).

Receiving a summons to go to court and being personally sued for negligence should get the Head/BOM/BoEd's attention and actual action if nothing else does before this action. Good luck to you and your son!

oh great thanks xx thought you all might be sick of me by now xx
Buzzybb - it might take me a while to type it all out on here but i promise not to send it off until you get a chance to read over it if thats OK , i know you are going through a horrible time & i really appreciate your help xxx

you can email me if you want bmbuzzybb at g mail dot com Am going to wicklow for 24 hrs but will be back in the afternoon tomorrow Good luck with the letter you are really doing the right thing to not leave this go, also will the gardai but a copy of this letter in the file they have?

OK here goes , bare with me i am not very good at writing letters honest opinions please xx

To the chairperson on the board of management.
I am writing to inform you that my son (name) has been bullied by a child in his class for over three years now . My child has so far received kicks to his head & upper body coming down the Avenue on his way home from school as this is where x waits to get him . My son suffers migraine headaches and has had to have an MRI scan to rule out any problems which thankfully came back clear and now these headaches have been put down to the stress of this bullying situation . I have had several meetings with (principal) and my sons teachers regarding this situation but i am not satisfied with the outcome.
On Friday 19/3/10 my son was punched & kicked by x once again at lunch time in the school yard , and x threatened to beat my son up at home time on the Avenue, x has been making "slit throat signs" to ds & pointing to the Avenue , on Friday afternoon while i was waiting in the school car park i saw my son running as fast as he could down the Avenue with x running behind him , i got out of my car & stood beside my son and x threatened my son in front of me that he was going to "get ds next week" .
As my son has had to suffer two serious assaults by x to date i will not hesitate to involve the police if any harm comes to my son while in the care of the school . The teachers are very aware of the continued threats from x & many children in my sons class have witnessed these assaults .
I am forwarding this copy in writing for your attention & i would appreciate a written response . Alternatively i will have to strongly consider making this a child protection issue.

Yours sincerely
Elmo.

Elmo can you give details about how long your son is in the school and what class he is in now,
Can you give dates and times for the meetings with the head and also what was said ie what she will do and has or has not done.
I would also inform them that gardai have an incident file on the latest incident with witness statements and that you are awaiting the schools respone before going further
I would also tell them that the head asked another parent to speak to you about the bullying when you would have thought that any conversations about ds would be private and only for the school to know/deal with.
Also tell them that anymore violent incidents must be dealt with as an assault and gardai will be involved to protect your child and his rights that they as a board and a school are failing to do.
Inform them that you wish to deal with the board and not the head due to her poor standard of care towards your child and the bully.
If you have copies iof letters you sent in thed past include them and or mention them
Good luck I will check in tomorrow ps post it by registered post

I've only just seen your thread and I'm shocked and infuriated by the head's behaviour and attitude. I'm afraid dd's old head was exactly the same, and didn't act (not that she ever actually acted in the end anyway) until we threatened to involve the police. I too was confronted in the playground by the bully's mum who complained to the school about my complaint! Luckily, dd was not physically hurt too badly (they were only 8/9 at the time) and her teacher was a really fantastic woman who did her best under the ocnfines of her jurisdiction to keep dd safe. It would have been much worse without her.

It seems to me that heads, when confronted with bullying issues, often seem unable to do much other than vilify the victim, punishing them by default (keeping your ds in for 15minutes for instance, questioning the victims home circs, undermining the victim and their family etc ). The bullying issue really does sort the wheat from the chaff.

Our head got her own back on us (well, dd really) by not allowing her to be put in the G&T set, thus holding her back, but luckily we have another, happier school nearby and moved dd nearly a year ago. She is much happier there. I'm sorry you don't have that option.

These bad heads really need to be sorted out. I'm not sure what Ofsted do. I know at the last Ofsted the school went into Special Measures. I also know that a lot of parents complained about the lack of action on bullying, but it doesn't seem like much has been done. Bullying still goes on and doesn't get dealt with properly.

I feel exultant at what you have achieved so far, and I really hope that proper and positive action comes from it. I wish I'd known the things that appear in this thread, when dd was being bullied. I would have been much more confident and not let the head off so easily.

I wonder if there's a way of making the salient points into a checklist, posted permanently on the bullying topic, for other MNers.

I sincerely hope you've seen the last of it and that x learns how to behave, and that your ds continues to be happy at school.

thanks buzzybb x

yes thats a good idea to put in the letter that ds has been in that school since junior infants (4yrs old) & x only joined the school in 2nd class.
i dont have all the dates that i spoke to the principal as i only started keeping a diary of events in October 08 , but i will add in the ones i do have & i will write in any actions she has taken after me speaking to her .
good point too about the principal asking x's mum to speak to me knowing full well of the discussion we had last year .
where would i be without you xx
yes ill take copies of everything & send every letter by registered post . x thanks

thank you JUX - sorry to hear your dd also went through bullying
DD is due to start this school in September & we are a bit concerned that she will suffer if we go over this principals head but at the same time we need to keep ds safe .