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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

get police involved or not ?

294 replies

elmofan · 20/03/2010 17:26

hi , have posted about my ds going through hell by the hands of a bully in his class before but things have started up again yesterday ,
brief history = ds (11yrs) was beaten up last year by two boys in his class , he received kicks to his head & upper body & ended up suffering terrible headaches & having tests & an MRI scan which thankfully was clear so headaches were put down to stress
yesterday ds got punched in his stomach at lunchtime by bully then chased down the road to where the school car park is the bully was trying to beat him up again , ds has told me the bully keeps making "cut throat signs " & telling ds he is going to kill him , so i stepped out of my car yesterday when i saw ds running for his life & this boy continued to threaten my ds while i was standing right there beside him
no fear in him what so ever .
AIBU ?
i am sick & tired of going up to the principal about this as she does not seem to do anything about it , i intend to go back up on Monday morning to tell her i am going to have to get he police involved at this stage as she seems unable to put a stop to this bully . this has been going on for two years now .

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 23/04/2010 18:14

elmo, don't let that one garda put you off. Of course you shouldn't have to involve the gardai but if the principal won't do her job, what choice do you have? So sorry to hear this is all still going on.

Original poster
elmofan · 23/04/2010 18:53

Thanks chipmonkey x Fed up at this stage tbh .

OP posts:
Needanewname · 29/04/2010 13:37

Keep at it Elmo - you know from all the message on here that you are in the right. If anyone questions you, just come on here and trust your instincts.

Keep us up to date with what happens

sunshinenanny · 03/05/2010 17:16

My sister's son was bullied by a group of older boy's when at Primary School and his head was more concerned with the bullies than my nephew because, in the headmasters word's "They are deprived and jealous of your son because he's popular and from a nice home" (My sister was a single parent) and no child should be terrified to leave school because a group of much bigger children are waiting "to get Him"
This again was 25 years ago when the answere was to keep children back 15 minutes. It's about time the school did something to help the victims.

trixie123 · 03/05/2010 18:59

have read the whole thread in horror - you poor mum and poor DS. well done for all you've done so far - no advice or experience to offer just wanted to send hugs and will keep checking in to see how you get on.

Original poster
elmofan · 04/05/2010 12:40

thank you Needanewname , sunshinenanny & trixie123 Ds seems much happier ATM (long may that last) the bully has been kept in from the yard at break times the last 1.5 weeks & he is also being held back at home times for 5 mins to give my ds time to get down the Avenue safely , the principal has only taken action this time because we wrote a very strong worded letter to the BOM & went over her head to complain . We have informed the BOM that we now have the police involved & they are keeping notes of all these attacks & the schools response . I think its terrible that it took us to threaten legal action before the principal was willing to do anything to protect our ds . The BOM meeting is next week & we received a letter to say they will be in touch with us after their meeting . Thank you all for your advice & support i really could not have gone this far without you all . x

OP posts:
SecretPollingBooth · 04/05/2010 13:25

aaargh sorry, just read this ha;lfway through and had to rant (seems thjings are better now, which is good)

You mollycoddle him?? he's 11, he's getting death threats, the school are doing nothing to keep him safe, he & his home life are being blamed and they think you're mollycoddling him??! FFS i hope she gets sacked, she's a disgrace

Original poster
elmofan · 10/01/2011 11:49

Sorry for refreshing this thread but it seems another bully has taken over where x left off . Today is the dc's first day back to school after the Christmas holidays & when i was walking back to my car this morning one of the mothers from ds's class came over to me to ask if ds was ok when he was attacked on the day they got their Xmas hols Shock i knew nothing of this as ds had not told me Sad
She told me her dd had come down to her white in the face from fright & told her mum that my ds was hopped on from behind by J & that J had punched ds in the back of his head & his back & kicked him in the legs . Ds was upset that day but just told me that J had threatened him during class in front of his teacher & when the teacher told J to back off J told the teacher to F##K off Shock . Going to have a chat with ds after i pick him up from school but it this is all true then im going to have to go up to the head again .
Cant see any end in sight .

OP posts:
Callisto · 10/01/2011 11:54

I haven't read the whole of the thread, though I vaguely remember it. If this had happened to DD I would have taken her out of school and informed the police after the first head-kicking incident. I would have changed schools by now or be HEing her.

Is there a reason that your son is still at this school?

Teaandcakeplease · 10/01/2011 12:47

Elmo I was bullied horrendously at school, speak to the head asap once you've spoken to your son. Get the governors involved etc. Something has to be done.

Can you change is school? I cannot remember your situation.

Teaandcakeplease · 10/01/2011 12:49

If you do not get enough responses on here, create a new thread and provide a link back to this one Elmo for reference purposes.

tomhardyismydh · 10/01/2011 12:51

have not read full post. call the police!!!!

what a horrible little fucker this boy is.

theevildead2 · 10/01/2011 12:51

This will get me flamed but if the school and the police won't do anything and you can't move schools, could you maybe take your dc to a self defence class? I don't belive in using violence to fight violence normally but I also don't belive in children regularly having the shit kicked out of them either Angry Maybe boxing too, or martial arts it might help boost his confidence which is bound to be on the floor :(

tomhardyismydh · 10/01/2011 12:55

ok just read whole thread, i would still call police about this new incident. can I ask if yoiu have consisedered changing schools. not to be critical but would have withdrew from this after 1st or 2nd incident.

please seek some better help for your ds, the school are clearly useless.

Heroine · 10/01/2011 12:56

I agree with martial arts because it gets him used to physical contact and how the weight of the body leaves your attacker vulnerable - most bullies too shit themselves when they hear 'martial arts' but aside from that he will be with people who are on his side, and who he can get on with without some idiot stepping in - the psychology is key here - the bully's pal is doing the bully's work. this is typical, but what may also be happening is that some weasel is telling both of them thta you want to fight and then watching the show - if your son gets a whisper of this, it will move the focus onto this person from the bully too.

Police should be informed when there is injury for sure. Constant signs like cut throat signs will make it intolerable and moving schools should be on the cards.

bupcakesandcunting · 10/01/2011 12:59

I remember your thread, Elmo. Sorry that it's no better for your DS :(

I am inclined to agree with evildead, unfortunately. This bully is unafraid of adults by the sounds of it. He needs a punch in the face. Perhaps he'll stop making your son's life a misery if he realises he will be tackled on it?

Sorry probably not helpful but kids like this make me fume Angry

theevildead2 · 10/01/2011 13:03

He needs a punch in the face

What I actually wanted to say Grin

Grandmar · 10/01/2011 13:13

My son was bullied years ago and very little
seemed to be done, so I threatened to sue the school as they had total care of my son between the hours 0f 9am to3.30pm.
This had quite an impact and the bullying stopped.
Money always seems to be more important than safety, so play them at their own game.

My heart goes out to you and your children and wish you well

TurkeyBurgerThing · 10/01/2011 13:24

Threaten legal action on the school
contact bully's parents
Contact the governers
contact the council
contact your local MP

Let them ALL know just what this bully is doing to your son. Tell them that you will be contacting the local papers if nothing is done within x amount of days.

It's utterly unacceptable. I was bullied all throughout my school life and I was completely traumatised and hated it. I have very few childhood memories because of it which I suppose isn't a bad thing really as I was so miserable. My parents did fuck all about it as the teachers found it easier to lay the blame on me and no one would have believed me. I'm ok now, but even 15 years after leaving school I still have very regular nightmares.

gomummygo · 10/01/2011 13:33

Oh Elmo I'm so sorry, it must be so hard for you to know this is happening. Poor DS. :(

I agree with getting everyone official (including police) involved, but also really feel that martial arts is a very good idea. I think it helps on a lot of levels. The physical defense aspect is only part of it; it is a big self confidence booster, and actually can teach a lot about the psycology of the situation.

I don't mind being flamed for this at all, but have to say that I believe some bullying can be deterred if the victim turns around and gives the bully a good punch. In my totally unqualified opinion, it sends a message that "you may decide to beat me up, but I'm not just going to take it" - which again imo may make it not worth the effort for some bullies.

Thinking of you. This must be so hard.

gomummygo · 10/01/2011 13:34

psychology Blush

bupcakesandcunting · 10/01/2011 13:37

'Tis true, gomummygo. I punched the school bully right in the chops when she thought she'd have a little pop at me one day Blush She waas reluctant to do it again though, silly cunt.

ddubsgirl · 10/01/2011 13:43

my ds1 was bullied badly from yr4 up to yr8 when he had his head stamped on and kicked in the eye and his back,school never phoned me to say he had been hurt,i pulled him from the school,he is now doing much better still the odd few try it on but now finally he is standing up for himself and has hit back which altho his head of yr(who also taught dh,his bro & sis)said off the record he was glad ds hit back and this kid who hit him is a pain in the backside but on the school front he had to give ds a detention

prettyfly1 · 10/01/2011 13:57

Oh god Elmo this is awful. Just dont send him back and call the police. Your son doesnt have to take this and if I found out my child behaved the way these bullies are I would absolutely murder him, so I cant understand why you arent getting more support. I am so sorry for your son. Does he absolutely have to go back??

Spenguin · 10/01/2011 14:04

Is your DS the only target of the bullies?

If not, meet-up and conference with other parents?

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