get police involved or not ?

[elmofan]

hi , have posted about my ds going through hell by the hands of a bully in his class before but things have started up again yesterday ,
brief history = ds (11yrs) was beaten up last year by two boys in his class , he received kicks to his head & upper body & ended up suffering terrible headaches & having tests & an MRI scan which thankfully was clear so headaches were put down to stress
yesterday ds got punched in his stomach at lunchtime by bully then chased down the road to where the school car park is the bully was trying to beat him up again , ds has told me the bully keeps making "cut throat signs " & telling ds he is going to kill him , so i stepped out of my car yesterday when i saw ds running for his life & this boy continued to threaten my ds while i was standing right there beside him
no fear in him what so ever .
AIBU ?
i am sick & tired of going up to the principal about this as she does not seem to do anything about it , i intend to go back up on Monday morning to tell her i am going to have to get he police involved at this stage as she seems unable to put a stop to this bully . this has been going on for two years now .

thank you so much lotster ,

maristella - yes i handed in a letter to this principal last year after ds was beaten up & told her i wanted this all kept on record ,(i also have a copy of that letter) but she just gave me a look ,i am going to phone my local police station in the morning & see what they say , would like to know if they will help me before i go see the head on Monday morning . and as custardo & others have recommended might look into getting a solicitor involved too . what really annoys me is i have just handed in a €120 donation fee the school requested last week .

OP, I think the age of criminal responsibility may be 12 in Ireland but if you read here under 12's aren't untouchable by the Garda but the parents become involved.

And YANBU - I would go to the police too.

YOu could also consider contacting OFSTED as the school is in breach of the safeguarding regulations of they are allowing this to happen (do you have OFSTEd in Ireland?) This will probably scare the school more than the involvment of the LEA (I work for one!) in my experience!

thanks whereyouleftit , i have just read through that , looks like the police wont be able to do much , but i am still going to phone them up & get advise , even if its just to report everything .
dh cant take time off work on Monday so looks like i am going to have to face the head on my own. i am crap at confrontation .

I just wanted to add my name to the list of people agreeing that the police should be involved. It sounds like your DS's principle is utterly hopeless at separating victims of circumstance from vicious bullies - yes, they may 'pity' that child, but pity isn't going to stop him assaulting your child. Frankly, it's beyond naive that they should think so.

Make a point of telling the police about your principle's reluctance to act; even without too much evidence, it will be noted, and while it might not have a major effect, it will be something the officers in question will probably bear in mind.

If the child is behaving like this, the autorities or SS (not sure if it's an identical body in Ireland or a similar one) have a responsibility to try and correct his behaviour. if the school haven't notified the proper people that this needs to happen, the responsibility falls to you as a victim (by proxy at least).

I really hope you have some success with this; bullying is something all too many children experience for too long. I hope your DS is okay, and that he's able to bounce back from this mentally and physically. Am so on your behalf that nothing has been done before now.

I should think the police will take this seriously. DD1 was involved in an altercation in year 7 when a boy got hit in the face by a tin can that someone had thrown, his parents reported it to the police and they interviewed everyone who was around at the time.

Turned out to be an accident in the end but the police made no bones about the fact that had it deliberate then they'd have been at least giving a caution.

I'd guess that this PITA is well known to the police if he's already been excluded from other schools. It's doing him no favours the HT excusing his behaviour because he certainly wont get away with it in the real world, especially as he gets older and starts work/college etc.

The school has a duty of care to all children and if that means moving the bully on again then so be it.

thank you

nice to know you all think i am doing the right thing to get the police involved , i feel so it has come to this but hopefully it will make the principal take action .

This sounds very serious. Are you in the republic or NI?

I would definitely make sure you have a record of all the incidents and all the people you or your child have had any contact with about this problem, copies of letters, emails etc.

Have you written to the Board of Governors too?

ladylapsang - i am in the republic , no have not written to anyone else besides the principal yet ,

maryz - ds is in 5th class now so still has another year of primary to go through , the time ds was beaten up (last year) the head asked me if we had any witnesses ds & myself had to give the names of the 12 children that ran to get me when ds was thrown to the ground , the principal interviewed each child individually to see if they all told the same story , fair enough i suppose . she then phoned me to say that all the children confirmed my ds's story & that is when she offered to hold my ds back at home times . yes i have heard that before , that she might not be able to expel the bully because he has been expelled twice before , does not seem fair though .

Just not good enough. The head sounds like she could be from the touchy-feely 'no-one is ever to blame for anything' school of thought that everyone in my son's pre-school seem to have graduated from. No-one is ever "naughty", just "challenged" or has "issues". Gets my goat quite frankly.

My son was smacked in the face by another child leaving him with a bruised cheek (he's 3 BTW) and the other child wasn't told off because he has "communication issues" - although as far as I could see the only communication issues were not warning someone before he hits them in the flippin face - Even worse, when my son the following week upset another child by constantly blowing raspberries in her face, the carer suggested to me that he was having "difficulties communicating" too!! When I know for a fact he was just being a little bugger!

Sometimes in these cases the agressors are sadly just acting out agression they face the brunt of or witness at home. As sad as that is, your child STILL has a right to be safe at school.

How come you are seeing the head on Monday though? Will you contact the police first so she can't undermine you, as you said?

Wow, your poor son! I am another advising at least speaking to the police.

What annoys me is that the HT knows the boy has already beaten your son up, yet thinks its okay to keep your son behind not the bully. Why can't the bully be kept behind 15 minutes so that he has no chance of attacking your son after school?

The bully's mum sounds like a right one too, surely she can see if her darling son gets expelled again its his bloody fault not yours.

Honestly, stories like this make my blood boil.

Definitely ring the police, the police have just been in our school giving an anti-bullying talk so even if it is to get more advice

Can't believe the principal was going to keep your ds behind to avoid the bully

(On a side does everyone in England call the principal, headmaster/mistress?)

lotster going up to see the head / principal on Monday because she is not yet aware of what happened on Friday afternoon & also the bully has threatened to "kill" ds on Monday since he didn't get him Friday & he said that while standing right in front of me . i am going to phone the police station tomorrow to see if they can help me sort this all out .
lol yes i wonder if she has a twin thats running your ds pre-school
your poor ds though
oh & the most insulting bit of advice the principal gave ds to date is for him to imagine he is wearing a body suit of armour & the bully's disgusting names he calls ds are just bouncing off the armour & not hurting ds's feelings . both ds & myself stood there looking at her .

sorry i am not mentioning everyone by name but i really appreciate all your responses , thanks x

dya know anyone handy like to have a word with the kids dad>?

what?

am only asking!

Firstly go in and demand a copy of their anti bullying policy and then read it and follow it to the letter regarding making them go through what it states. This is often enought o scare them into action as they know that you know what the process is in terms of them having to deal with it.

I am sure that even in Ireland schools are by law bound to have an anti bullying policy.

Look here

This sounds awful, elmofan, and I'm sorry your son is going through this. I have no experience of the Irish school system, but just wanted to say that maryz's suggestions seem excellent, except for the bit about the bully leaving early. This will just allow him to lie in wait for your son. If anyone is to be held back after school, it should be the bully, surely?

Hi Elmofan!

Am really glad to see you on here and obviously galvanising yourself for action.

maryz is pretty damn good, isn't she? I think what she says makes huge common sense, particularly as it relates to Ireland. If it were me I think I'd print off her post and use it as a template!

Have not been able to get the image of the bully making the cut-throat gesture to your ds out of my head. Sometimes things become so horrendous and such a depth is reached, that action becomes inevitable.

I think this is your time. This has to stop. Am really feeling the energy of righteous anger from you, which is a powerful force.

Good woman. xx