get police involved or not ?

[elmofan]

hi , have posted about my ds going through hell by the hands of a bully in his class before but things have started up again yesterday ,
brief history = ds (11yrs) was beaten up last year by two boys in his class , he received kicks to his head & upper body & ended up suffering terrible headaches & having tests & an MRI scan which thankfully was clear so headaches were put down to stress
yesterday ds got punched in his stomach at lunchtime by bully then chased down the road to where the school car park is the bully was trying to beat him up again , ds has told me the bully keeps making "cut throat signs " & telling ds he is going to kill him , so i stepped out of my car yesterday when i saw ds running for his life & this boy continued to threaten my ds while i was standing right there beside him
no fear in him what so ever .
AIBU ?
i am sick & tired of going up to the principal about this as she does not seem to do anything about it , i intend to go back up on Monday morning to tell her i am going to have to get he police involved at this stage as she seems unable to put a stop to this bully . this has been going on for two years now .

elmo I remember your last thread and was very angry on your behalf then. This head teacher sounds useless. If one adult did the things that have been done to your ds to another adult, it would be classed as assault. It would be tried in court. It would be a criminal act. Your poor DS doesn't deserve this.
As for 'anger issues' your ds could well develop 'issues' as a result of this little shit's behaviour. And not all bullies do so becuase they have any issues. A lot of the time it's just because they get a perverse kick out of the control/power they feel when harming or threatening another person. Why do people always make excuses for kids like this??
FWIW I do think you should get the police involved. I think all the beauracracy you're jumping through hoops for is just a delay until they tell you they can't do anything or some similar crap.

outrageous, to keep your DS in at breaktime? why not keep the little thug indoors until he learns to play nice....

seething on your behalf elmofan!

Get the Garda involved, go to your GP get a letter and lobby the BoM for an earlier meeting, email them the pics of the 3" cut if you have to

LES, delighted to hear that DS1 likes the new school! that's great! (GH here btw!)

Elmofan - have you or have you not recorded the latest assault on Monday with the garda? If not then you must. The other things you are doing are all good and well but you need to do that too, and provide them with the photos.

You are clearly a devoted and loving mam in a dreadful situation but from watching this thread I sense that every time you get some progress (speaking to senior person at Ed Board/the Principal finally taking a few actions/Boy x being unusually nice to your son) you back down a little. This is natural, especially if you're overwhelmed by the Principal and the police force but you have a lot of good advice here.

• Record every incident of note with the Garda. Even if you're worried about it making you a pain. Call them out if you find out in real time.

• Follow that up with an update to the BOM, Education Board et al of your report to the police - all by recorded letter

• Make this a health and safety issue right now if you've been advised that'll help. Try every angle, don't just hope one works.

• For god's sake, copy your last letter to your TD and your MEP and ask them for clarifications of the school's and the state's responsibilities towards your son in a covering note. CC these letters in to the BoM.

(Ultimately if Principal hates your DD because of this she'll still have to keep her behaviour in check and she won't be the one doing the day to day teaching. And in reality, it'll probably make her behave better than she is at present.)

And good luck. Sorry if that sounds bossy but it reminds me of my mam when I was in a similar situation at school and she always turns to jelly around teachers/doctors/anyone in authority which I find a bit irritating as you are the best authority on your child's welfare.

x

TLE & Queen - thanks . Tle i remember your thread about your ds1 getting bullied , thats great to hear he is happy in his new school
queen - the principal told us that she is getting a "CONTRACT " made up with x's parents what ever that means i haven't a clue . I think she is getting very worried that her school might get sued if any child is hurt like my ds was yesterday . the minute we arrived in her office this morning she walked us out to show us the metal fence that tore into ds's back yesterday & she had her caretaker working on plastering over all the sharp edges on the fence . She kept apologizing to us for ds getting hurt .

Elmo I am so sorry this has all started again straight away. Plse go to the Gardai even to just log the assault, give them the pics and the Dr's note and tell the head and the BOM that you have reported to the Gardai,
You have been so strong to date keep pushing could you say to whoever you are in contact with on the BOM that as the bullying has escalated to assault resulting in actual bodily harm that waiting 3 weeks is now unacceptable. The head will only want to keep delaying ubtil the end of the school term. Who is your local TD, Now is the time to contact them and the Board of Education.

Maaam - No i have not recorded yesterday incident with the police yet but i did take photo's but yes i have sent the BOM another registered letter this morning requesting an earlier meeting be organised as my ds is still being attacked . yes i do find all of this very unnerving tbh i am not very good at confrontation at all , but after speaking to the family friend on the board of ed yesterday again he has advised me not to rush into involving the HSE just yet as it would be in our favour to see what action if any the BOM take . DD 4yrs is due to start there next Sept so hopefully i will have this all sorted out by then , sorry you have gone through this yourself x

Shit Elmo, just seen this, X's nice act didn't last very long did it?

Brilliant that you wrote the letter, agree about reporting each incident to the police, emailing injury photos etc.

It makes me so mad that if an adult were in any public place where they kept attacking people (hospital/retaurant/shop/university/anywhere!!)they would be ejected/barred, end of. Why the hell should a school be any different?? Keeping him there just because he's blown his other chances is such bullshit. His mother should be forced to home school him

Un-MN-like hugs to you my sweet.

Hi Buzzybb - How are you ?
Yes it all started back up the first day back to school last Monday after the Easter holidays , Dh took a couple of hours off work to go up to the school with me this morning , we were in the principals office for a full hour , she seemed much more willing to talk with us since i have gotten the BOM involved & my GP . you are all right i will take ds to the police station tomorrow to log this attack as the more they have on record the better .x

Hi lotster . looks we are back to square one . principal told us that X just seems to have a violent personality & ds should not take it personally as x hurts a lot of other children in the school , she explained that only last week x caused another child to have a nose bleed as x keeps putting his foot out to trip up children as they walk past him this child fell flat on his face in the yard . If you ask me X needs a kick up his backside .

Have you tried encouraging other parents to step forward and complain? Could be tricky ground if not done right (i.e. look like you're trying to gang up on the child) but if done subtly, away from the school gate, it could give other parents a bit of support and your case a bit more power??!

police police police. Without any doubt at all. IF the bully is over 10 years old he is over criminal age of responsibility, can be interviewed under caution, charged and prosecuted if they take it that far. Don't let your kid suffer like this. And what the fuck are the school doing about this?! Your poor poor child. We have been going through bullying recently and it is terrible. I really feel for you.

no i haven't tbh for the same reasons you explained above also because this school is not local to me i do not get a chance to see the other parents away from the school car park iyswim . Ds will be safe for the rest of this week as x is being kept in at break times & held back at home times , so i really am hoping that the BOM gets in touch with me by the end of this week . x

rocknstroll - How is your DD ? i posted on one of your threads before Easter , hope things are improving for her xx

that's good Elmo.

I heard about a scheme where the bully's parent has to sit in the classroom for a day/or a week after e, to a.) inconvenience the parent (therefore making them take it more seriously) and b.) act as a deterrent to the bully (no-one wants their mum in school!!) - thought it was interesting!

A letter from your GP to the school could be a good idea too.

Also saw these tips on a bullying website:

-You could call your LEA pupil support department or education social worker to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped.

-You could ask your child's head of year to arrange for your child to have access to a particular teacher they could go to if they feel under pressure and whether a buddy could be arranged for your child to help them settle back in.

Sorry if I've repeated anything already said or done, it's been a looong day...

Am glad you will take ds to the Gardai, it will give him some power in the situation even if it is just talking to the gardai, Maybe the gardai will put a copy of school responses into the file so they know what action is being taken by the school to protect your ds
Can you contact the BOM and insist on a more prompt response then may?
Lobster has made a good point about having a safe person your ds could go to in the school, is there any particular teacher who would be willing I wonder it is def worth asking.

Elmo just wanted to add my support, I also remember your thread from before and am shocked that this child hasn't been at least suspended or expelled. When I was at school that's what they would have done.

I really feel for you and your ds.

I think it is time to involve the police. If the boy is not bothered about you witnessing the bullying he obviously has little respect for authority/grown ups so he may need to learn that bullying and violence has legal consequences.

Hi Elmo How did you DS get on at school today, hope it went ok and he was able to feel safe at break and home time.

elmofan - she is much better. we went for it and moved school and she is so much happier. i only wish i had done it sooner! she just seems to be enjoying playtime again and meeting new children and all the new facilities etc in the new school.

sorry haven't had a chance to get on the pc in a while , Thanks buzzybb yes he feels much better the last few days it seems like all the teachers in the school have been put in the picture as x keeps trying to sneak into the line to go out at break & home times & has been getting told off by several teachers & marched back into his classroom , we took ds to the police station yesterday after school but the police officer we spoke to the first time was not there , he is on leave ATM but another officer added this latest attack to ds's file(eventually) & seemed to give us looks dont think he was taking it seriously at all , just kept telling us to get in contact with the schools BOM etc It was only after i insisted that we have done all of that that he reluctantly added this info too . we then took the dc's out for the day .
rocknstroll thats great hope she forgets all about her last school & thrives x

that police office - no idea. what a disgrace.
thank you for you nice words x

If this were an adult behaving like this to another adult the police would be involved, why will they not get involved when its children? I'm absolutely gobsmacked. Do you know when the original police officer is back on duty, I would go back to see him if I were you. You were told that the next time anything happened they would send a car to the school, well something has happened where are they?

I fee so sorry for you elmo (and others who have the same problem) please don;t accept the heads stupids answers and keep on at the board of governors and the police,

needanewname - we were just made to feel like we are blowing it all out of proportion yesterday ,we stood there in very uncomfortable silence while this officer read up on ds file with him giving us looks every now & then , then reluctantly added Mondays attack to the notes . Don't know when the first officer is due back . Still waiting for a reply from the BOM as to weather we can arrange an earlier meeting .

Elmo that is so frustrating but good on you for sticking with it and getting it written up, Shame that silly man could not see the seriousness of the situation but at least the file is up to date I am glad that your son feels a bit safer in school and that the teachers are keeping an eye on the situation. I hope the BOM get back to you soon

Thanks buzzybb xx