get police involved or not ?

[elmofan]

hi , have posted about my ds going through hell by the hands of a bully in his class before but things have started up again yesterday ,
brief history = ds (11yrs) was beaten up last year by two boys in his class , he received kicks to his head & upper body & ended up suffering terrible headaches & having tests & an MRI scan which thankfully was clear so headaches were put down to stress
yesterday ds got punched in his stomach at lunchtime by bully then chased down the road to where the school car park is the bully was trying to beat him up again , ds has told me the bully keeps making "cut throat signs " & telling ds he is going to kill him , so i stepped out of my car yesterday when i saw ds running for his life & this boy continued to threaten my ds while i was standing right there beside him
no fear in him what so ever .
AIBU ?
i am sick & tired of going up to the principal about this as she does not seem to do anything about it , i intend to go back up on Monday morning to tell her i am going to have to get he police involved at this stage as she seems unable to put a stop to this bully . this has been going on for two years now .

That's good news Elmofan - definitely a step in the right direction. You're a fantastic Mum for standing up for your DS. Hopefully he himself will feel more confident about going to school knowing that he's safe going to and from the building.

Now don't let the useless principal assume she's got away with it - it's a good result but nowhere near enough in the longer term!

Oh been thinking about you today Elmo. Brilliant work, don't give up the fight.

I would make more of the comment your son made last week, to get them to make them sit up and take things seriously. Hopefully he didn't mean it at all - but as far as they are concerned it is really good ammo to get them to take serious action for fear something awful could happen.

She sounds as though she's too busy being defensive of the things that have happened to think in terms of what could happen.

Keep us posted. And make sure you tell that lovely boy of yours just how brave he is tough all this.

Well done Elmo that is fab you did really well not sure I could have done it such a hard thing to do. I hope everything works out well for you and DS

thanks everyone for all your support xxx

lotster yes i told her that ds is in a very unhealthy state of mind due to all this stress & that i will be holding them & everyone involved responsible if any harm comes to my son . when i told her of ds threat last week i almost broke down , my eyes were so full of tears i could hardly see
ds hugged me when we got home from school & told me he was lucky i am his mum , bless him .
oh & x's father laughed at me in the school car park he was talking to another parent & pointed at me & they both laughed . he really looks like he's taking this seriously doesn't he

buzzybb thank you so much for all your advice & help ,
everyone has been so kind & supportive x

Well done Elmofan, yes your ds is very luck having a lovely mum like you, he is a very brave boy. That bullies father laughing like that says a lot for him and his crap parenting, dragged up not brought up imo. Dont let him get to you, if i were him i would not be laughing i would be thoroughly ashamed at my son and his behaviour. The dad sounds like a right bully, wonder what he is like towards his dp/dw.

maryz you have been a tower of strength to me the last few days , i can not thank you enough tbh x, we will have to wait until tomorrow to find out exactly what is happening as all i have to go on ATM is what ds has told me , he said x will not be allowed in the yard at lunch times & will be kept back after school , the principal took ds aside at home time and told him this . oh & apparently another child has put their hand up & told that they saw my ds trying to run away at break times & down to the car park at home times . so that confirms ds story .

Elmo, I cannot believe the father, pointing and laughing at you, what is he, 12?

The kid hasn't a chance with parents like that, at least your ds has you.

And you are brilliant!

I wonder do the parents know how serious it is? The school seem to take the path of least resistence in this matter and may not have told them everything. On the other hand I would not be talking and or telling them or other parents as it may cause more problems and Maryz is right rise abouve them [v easy as you have always been the better person]

chipmonkey I'm just sorry i did not do this last year , you have all been my backbone x
buzzybb i suppose the dad likes the fact that his ds is the bully & probably has a well done son attitude i just ignored the dad tbh , i did not tell my dh about x's dad laughing at me & ds as dh would go ballistic , & they are not worth the hassel tbh .

Well elmofan that explaines a lot, a chip off the old block then. Be proud you are raising a lovely boy to be a good upstanding member of society unlike the bully who may end up in prison. Yes what chance has the boy got with a father like that, it takes any Tom,Dick or Harry to make a baby but a man to raise a child.

I only ask because a few yrs ago my nephew was the bully it was another parent who told sil not the school who said as nephew had said sorry it was ok even though nephew and other children were stll taunting poor child so for the rest of school year my nephew was walked to his desk in the morning collected to eat lunch in car and do textbook work at 12.30 [sil self employed so made this her lunch time also] and meet at classroom door at 2.45pm. It really sent the msg home to him behave badly and be punished accordingly. Yes it was a hassle to sil and bro but they did it and have had no bullying complaints since. It is a shame people nolonger feel responsible for their actions or that of their dc

Oh this is heartbreaking.

You're handling it brilliantly though elmo.

Well done Elmo hope the principal rings you back tomorrow with something substantial

I am thinking the same as Buzzybb is the principal relauctant to get too involved with the other parents they sound like they could be abit intimidating,
so it was probably easier for principal to deal with you instead of them even though that wasn't dealing properly with the situation

I am o glad you are finally getting some action, well done for sticking to your guns.......just another thought, forgive me if I'm repeating anything already said,......but something I've done with DD & have found made them sit up & really take notice, ...maybe it will for you too.......

take your Son to your Doctor, explain your worries about his state of mind, & the immense stress & fear he's under, & any ailments it can cause....aches & pains, headaches, dizziness, chest pain, stomach trouble etc etc........you already have the migraine from the earlier incident......... my GP was fuming that DD IBS is out of control due to her School problems, & is happy to back me all the way, letters etc etc........

then also contact whatever your equivelant of our Educational Welfare Officer is, & let them know what is going on too. & how you worry it will afect DSs attendance.......

turns out from my experience they are not just there to catch truants & hassel slack parents into getting there kids to School on time.... our EWO called a big meeting with the School & demanded to know what was going on...... now that would kick your slack Principal into gear too??

Good luck, & hope this is resolved quickly for you........its dreadful your boy is feeling so bad that he feels lifes not worth living, having heard similar from my 7 year old, I know how you feel

your handling it brilliantly, I wish you all the luck in the world that its resolved soom

Elmofan, truly hope your ds has a good day today in school. I think there have been some amazing ideas and advice given here.

I sure it's damned exhausting keeping up the pressure on the school, but I guess there's nothing worse than seeing the distress caused to your ds by all of this horrible stuff.

Am thinking of you and wishing loads of good things for you all from now on. x

hi all [smile ]

ds went into school fine this morning , the principal has not phoned me yet , which makes me slightly worried that she might be trying to come up with some sort of pay back for me seeing as i have threatened her with the police & forced her to take action
(paranoid i know ]
HMC- thanks have posted on the other thread in reply to your last post
seems like great progress is being made already
rockinhippy - that your dd is going through this too , that is a very good idea about getting my doctor on board & he is great with ds so i will do that thanks x

Hi Elmo,

Sorry you and your ds are having such a hard time of it.

I would follow up your threat in writing, putting it into black and white, really does force the issue and can be used against the school too, if it continues. Telephone conversations are easily 'forgotten' when it comes to the crunch!

Something along the lines of 'If the school cannot provide an environment where my ds is safe and the bullying continues, I will not be sending him to school and will write to the LA, the Board of Governors and Ofsted to explain why I am doing this and contact the police'

hi everyone .

It turns out that niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach about the principal finding someway of getting back at me was right she phoned me earlier at 1.50pm & asked for me to come up to the school for a chat , so i grabbed dd & went there straight away . she told me that my ds is just as guilty as x as ds told x to p### off therefore is using bad language in the yard & that is why x threatened ds . she has given x detention but would not say for how long & then proceeded to tell me she finds my ds immature & unable to cope with the x's of this world she asked about our home life & our relationship with ds & then told me that she also asked ds all of these questions in school today she then asked me to get my ds involved in out of school activities , yes i can see where she is coming from there but ds hates football & last year i made him stick to swimming lessons but then refused to go back in January , we also have tried karate but ds hated that too . we are going to try tennis lessons next fingers crossed he likes that . she basically said that i mollycoddle ds & he needs to spend more time with his dad . at the end of the meeting she told me that she has asked x's mum to have a chat with me & she is fully aware of the way x's mum approached me last year .
feel upset & lost tbh .

elmofan what aload of tosh,

I am really for you so your ds stands up for himself by saying piss off, and that is somehow as bad as threatening to kill someone

He needs to spend more time with his dad WTF!!

DISCLAIMER

I have never used the word tosh before, don't know where it came from, I promise I won't use it again

The school will usually try to put something back on the victim, ask about home life is a classic.

I am that you are going through this and have been there muself.

All I can suggest is that if your ds has so much as a finger laid upon him by X, you take him out of the school and keep him at home until some proper action is taken.

The schools cannot bear it if you do this, and it may be the only way. You telephone the LEA and explain your reasons for removing him temporarily and wait for them to come back with a plan of action . Even if it takes a week, it is worth it. When he returns, you tell the principal that in future you will be doing the same. Eventually, you should get the result you deserve, which is your dws being educated in a place of safety.

Good luck

She really is taking the piss now. You have given her enough chances for her to sort out this mess so I would phone the police and leave it for them to deal with.

Good luck x

No no no!!

COntact the board of Governors. The Principal alone does not run that school!

The BOG will not be aware of what's happening unless you step up & tell them.

Bollocks to the fact that your ds needs to learn how to deal with the X's of this life - the X'x of this life need to step away & leave your ds (and the likes) alone! Keep their bullying fists to themselves.

I'm in NI, I'm also on the BOG at my son's school & of any parent came to me with this complaint, I'd want to know why the hell we weren't told before it had got this far!!!

Last year there was an incident similar to this - in the end all of us on the BOG received anonymous letters informing us of it. In the end the Principal resigned & we've a lovely new lady now... it was squarely the last Principal's fault for not dealing with it.