get police involved or not ?

[elmofan]

hi , have posted about my ds going through hell by the hands of a bully in his class before but things have started up again yesterday ,
brief history = ds (11yrs) was beaten up last year by two boys in his class , he received kicks to his head & upper body & ended up suffering terrible headaches & having tests & an MRI scan which thankfully was clear so headaches were put down to stress
yesterday ds got punched in his stomach at lunchtime by bully then chased down the road to where the school car park is the bully was trying to beat him up again , ds has told me the bully keeps making "cut throat signs " & telling ds he is going to kill him , so i stepped out of my car yesterday when i saw ds running for his life & this boy continued to threaten my ds while i was standing right there beside him
no fear in him what so ever .
AIBU ?
i am sick & tired of going up to the principal about this as she does not seem to do anything about it , i intend to go back up on Monday morning to tell her i am going to have to get he police involved at this stage as she seems unable to put a stop to this bully . this has been going on for two years now .

maryz thank you so much for this brilliant advice , you are a god send xx
i will write down all of your post & follow it step by step .

HMC - lol i am a wimp really but just so fed up with ds getting brushed under the carpet all he time . As you know from 3c3d other thread ds can stand up to me no problem but yet he is frozen in fear of this bully ,
i am going to have a long soak in the bath now & try unwind as i didn't get much sleep last night , thanks to everyone who has posted xx

elmofan i am so sad for you and your boy.

have read the whole thread and you are getting loads of great advice. please do absolutely everything you can to make this stop for your DS

i suffered bullying though not physical and it does scar for a long time and as a parent it has to be up there as one of my biggest fears for my DCs

sadly it seems some teachers would prefer to ignore problems, possibly worried about slipping down league tables if they expell the little shits thugs or face backlash from their good for nowt parents than actually removing the problem and giving bullying victims the fundemental right to a fair and safe education

the problems only ended for me when i was taken out of the school by my parents but doesn't that let the bullies win?

follow the advice of those already messaging you about going down the legal route if the school is incapable of dealing with this

all the best x

elmofan, maryz speaks sense!

But if he has been excluded from 2 other schools, how come the parents have not sued them? Why is the current school obliged to keep him?

The principal sounds like a right old bleeding heart, doesn't she. Her heart goes out to the bully's parents, what about you, the parent of the bullied child? Why no sympathy for you?

yes, you surely can maryz! You sound like you know your stuff, and am assuming you're working in the sector.

The thing is, I wouldn't feel like being a bit fair to the head.

Elmofan's child has been assaulted in the schoolyard in the past. His migraines are ONLY "stress-related". A little primary school child, with stress-related migraine!

The head might get no backing from the dept, but that's no excuse to abdicate her moral duty to protect the children in her care.

Anyway, Imo many schools loathe the interference of the dept of ed. Surely she has "wriggle room" to make her own judgements in order to protect Elmofans son?

Btw, you gave amazing advice to elmo, well done, you totally opened my eyes to the vagaries of the system in ireland, and thx for that.

You need to go above the Schools head with your complaints....if your DS is suffering stress related health problems, then send an e-mail to your Educational Welfare Officer, & tell them of all thats gone on & how the School are not been supportive & DS health issues etc.......also board of Governors, & even your local Director of Education (that one makes them jump

I've a similar problem, but thankfully the School are for the most part being supportive, if a bit lax in there communication with all staff,

I did recently go to our local Police Station & speak with them about whether or not they would take a complaint seriously, I wasn't sure as boy concerned is much younger than your DS & the thugs hurting him...but I got a big YES, they WILL take it seriuosly.......so DO IT....

Though, I'd be a bit careful about letting your Head know your plans, if they are not been supportive now, you might find they start denying theres a problem at all, or blame your DS........ an old friend had that problem after threatening her DDs School that she would involve the Police next time, your DS School sounds similar in that they play it down, & deny it

By maryz Sat 20-Mar-10 23:08:20
Because you can be "unsuitable" for a school, and asked to move your child. But if you have left a couple, then no more will take you, so the third school can't expel you unless they find you another, which of course, they can't.

Mad isn't it?

Thanks MaryZ, very interesting bit of info..............& that explains a lot in my own DDs situation too, boy concerned is highly "unsuitable" for School, & has already been expelled from other local Schools (at 6 ............ suddenly makes much more sense

Maryz has gotten it right, but please go to the gardai as a report can be taken and investigated and other sectors ie child welfare etc may be able to step in if the bullies are to young to charge with a crime. It may even help the child/bully.
Can you contact your local MEP and TD's of all parties [all looking to help as they are afraid an election will be called] also see if the EU have a Charter of Human Rights for a Child [they have one for the elderly] Your child has as much a right to a safe secure environment to learn in as the bullies
Your MEP can help there.
The Minister for Education is Batt O Keeffe I have his contact if you want it [all details are in Green part of Golden Pages and the different parties websites] Only send letters by reg Post that way it cannot get 'lost'
Good Luck with it all Stand your ground I hope your DC will be ok

thank you all so much for all your replies ,i will be phoning the local police station in an hour or so or do you think it might be better if i go there to speak to them face to face ?
maryz it really seems like the odds are not in my ds's favour to get this sorted and as rockinhippy said the school might deny there are any problems & where would i go from there ?
the problem is that the principal never seems to do anything , even when i am telling her of the latest attacks she just sits behind her desk & nods but hardly ever talks , makes me feel very uncomfortable tbh , I do not go up to her for every little incident as boys will be boys etc but i do go up when it becomes physical & not just name calling , so its not as though i am in her face every week , which makes me think now maybe i should annoy her into doing something , sorry I'm rambling now but my head is all over the place ATM
is does not help my situation to know that three other children in this school have left last September because they were also being bullied & once again the principal did nothing to help them . i met one of the mums a while back & she told me that she wrote to BOM & Board of ed & still got no where & her child became so distressed she now has an hours drive to get him to another school every morning .

Go there face to face, definitely.

Move him to another school. If they are doing nothing to help, are you going to wait for something bad to happen?
Bullies usualy have bully parents so the school won't do anything about them, it's always the victim that has to move out.
At least they are trying to change things in the UK, but for millions of people around the world, bullies will still get their way

www.citizensinformation.ie/.../bullying-in-school-in-ireland.
Sorry I could not get the link correctly for you but the above is the legal rights and expectations of a child to a safe school environment, it also outlines what the Dept of Ed must do in relation to a school that is not dealing with the victim as well as the bully. Your child has as many rights as the bully.
It does sound as if the Gardai maybe able to do something [do not get fobbed off at the duty desk ask to speak to someone higher up or a child welfare person they do exist just keep pushing] Good Luck today with speaking to them and think about bringing an independant person with you tomorrow to speak to the Head Teacher both for moral support and as an independant witness. Would you be able to write what you want to say and when you finish your meeting write to her to summarise what was said and what will be done within a time frame, reg post the letter include the class teacher, the head and the minister for education I know that is 3 letters but it would be worth it also keep the gardai involved with all decision making to keep your DC safe.

So sorry you and your family are going through this. Yes, I would definitely go to the police, and hope you get some help.

I went into the police station & spoke face to face, they were lovely, & really seemed shocked at some of the stuff that had happened already, & have given me a phone number to report the next incident.... they made me feel really glad that I went in, so I would recommend going in person

someone passed me this link, which might also be of use to you, though on speaking with them, they said that the Schools have to reach a balance between the rights of the bullies, & the Rights of the victim........I can't deny DDs School do seem to be trying that, but still failing to keep her safe, as in her case its not straight forward bullying, & the Child in question is completely out of control & violent full stop

in your case, sounds like the School are not doing much to protect your Son at all, more protecting their reputation by pretending there is no problem....., & like has already been said, the School does have a "duty of care" to protect your DS too, so you can use this as your argument.......as the other Mums have had no joy with the authorities, I would also consider a complaint to ofsted, & even get the press involved, especially as others have left the School & can back you.

I don't envy you, & know how you feel, the stress of seeing my DD so ill because of her situation, is making me ill too, & that is with the School trying hard, I dread to think how feeling so let down & getting nowhere still as in your situation

another avenue I was told of, is if your DS health is at stake & you can get medical backing, then the LEA have to provide a private tutor........as its all about finances these days...perhaps the expense of that threat, might make them finally get there acts together

wont let me post the link here with out wiping my whole reply,[cofused] will post below & try & try & find the tutor info too....hopefully its relevent where you are too....good luck.........mad world we live in these days isn't it

www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice-about-education-for-parents/Bullying/tackling-bullying

posted for me on another site, I don't think they will mind me passing it on ...."I've found a couple of links on the direct gov website that might then get you some home education for her......... if a child can't attend school because of health problems they have a duty to provide home education.""

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/School...hool/DG_4016117

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/School...ool/DG_10037983

hope they show up as hyper links & you find something of help

Sorry, not sure if its me being shite, or not knowing this site so well, but links not working,,,,,trying again

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/YourChildsWelfareAtSchool/DG_4016117

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/YourChildsWelfareAtSchool/DG_10037983

if your DS has migraines as a result of the stress he is experiencing at School then you can use that in your favour.......

hi , I'm back from the station , spoke to a nice policeman who has taken down all the details , he has told me that i need to write to the board of education , & the board of management & the principal & explain that i am not happy with their response to my son being bullied & has told me that if anything else happens to my son then i can phone the police back & they will send a car up to my sons school & then it will all be made official .
i have no idea how to find out who is on the board of management , & where to send the letters . unless i ask the principal in the morning but by doing that she will know what i am planning to do .
buzzybb - i would be grateful for BATT O KEEFFE number if you have it handy please , i have a lot of letters to write now by the looks of things .
rockinhippy thank you for those links i am taking notes from them , the more i know about ds rights the better before i speak to his principal in the morning ,

Batt O keeffe, Constituency Office, Commercial Par, Ballincollig Cork.
Or Dept of Education [email protected]
Ph 01 8896400

Opposition is
[email protected]

If you look up the TD's you can get home adress also but don't want to put them up here as I believe they have a right to a private life
They should be in the constituency on a Monday but will say that their secretaries are fab and better at getting things done as well so maybe just walk into the office and speak to them
If you need more contacts just say I have access to most it

Sorry that should be Commercial Park

buzzybb thank you so much ,

now i just need to find out who the board of management are & where do i send the letter to , ive been doing a bit of research myself online but its a wild goose chase , going around in circles . i swear they try make things as difficult as possible on purpose .i will phone that number you gave me & see if they can help in the morning . xx

Is it an independant or a Church run school ?if it is church run then your local Parish Priest may not be on the board but would definatley know who is, if it is an independant ie gael scoil it will have reporting responsibilties and you can post a letter to them through the school if you do this register it again proof of reciept and ask for a response to having recieved it by writting also copy all letters to and from the school to the Minister/TD
Tbh if it was me I would only deal with the school by letter, it removes the emotion and justified anger and no one can deny what was said or done but I tend to get v cross and cry so am not always best face to face. I hope this is sorted for you and you DC soon
Good Luck

thank you again buzzybb

it is a church run school , i am going to go talk with ds's class teacher first of all in the morning , tell him about Fridays incident , then pop into the principals office afterwards . i am going to ask her who is on the BOM & inquire as to where i send the letter of complaint . i will copy every letter , thanks you for all your help xx

elmofan. forgive me if it has already been said (not read all the thread) but why are the school allowing this child out at the end of school without supervision.
DS1's school would only allow the "bully" to go home at school finish time if his parents collected him as otherwise he was a threat to other children.
When they refused to collect him the school had 10 mins chat with the bully at the end of each day to allow the other kids to leave the school before allowing him out... Not ideal but better than nothing.

I hope you find a way to stop this bully.

I remember this elmofan a while back, you have to call the police, this would not be tolerated for an adult and should not be for a child. The school are doing absolutely nothing, why are they not punishing the bullies by suspending them. Your son was badly injured a while ago the police should have got involved then! It was assult and should be taken seriously. Call the police now, dont stand there waiting for our answers, next time your son might not be so lucky. Good luck to you all.

Go to the police station yourself Elmo, this is your son yoru are talking about you have to take action now!!!!