get police involved or not ?

[elmofan]

hi , have posted about my ds going through hell by the hands of a bully in his class before but things have started up again yesterday ,
brief history = ds (11yrs) was beaten up last year by two boys in his class , he received kicks to his head & upper body & ended up suffering terrible headaches & having tests & an MRI scan which thankfully was clear so headaches were put down to stress
yesterday ds got punched in his stomach at lunchtime by bully then chased down the road to where the school car park is the bully was trying to beat him up again , ds has told me the bully keeps making "cut throat signs " & telling ds he is going to kill him , so i stepped out of my car yesterday when i saw ds running for his life & this boy continued to threaten my ds while i was standing right there beside him
no fear in him what so ever .
AIBU ?
i am sick & tired of going up to the principal about this as she does not seem to do anything about it , i intend to go back up on Monday morning to tell her i am going to have to get he police involved at this stage as she seems unable to put a stop to this bully . this has been going on for two years now .

A teacher in Irl does approx 27 hrs in classroom the rest of the hrs are for class prep and correcting papers but most teachers only think the actual teaching hrs count once the bell goes it is nit their responsibility esp if it occurs outside the school gate

anonandlikeit - thanks , yes last year when ds was hurt the principle made x parents collect him at the front door for 1 week only & she said that was x's punishment then it was back to normal . then he went for my ds again & this time she suggested keeping my ds back 10-15 mins & let the bully go home with the rest of the class , i refused this on the grounds that i felt it would make ds feel like he was being punished for being a victim . also the bully could have waited for ds .
now the bully threatened ds right in front of me on Friday , he chased ds down the long avenue to the car park & i saw ds running for his life & got out of the car & x came right over to ds & me & said" i am going to kill you on Monday" & made a slit throat action i was shaking with anger .
pigletmania i did go to my local police station this morning & they have agreed to get involved if anything else happens to ds . the garda told me to stay at the school if ds gets hit again & they will send a police car out to the school , then it'll be made official iykwim.
i have the name of the garda i spoke to so he will already be aware of what is happening . yes i was wrong to have not gone to the police last year i know that now but i gave the principal too many chances to sort this all out .

Elmo well done. It's good that your son confides in you as so many don't.
Was also thinking he/you should keep a diary of every comment and action from now on.

Sorry Elmo did not read all the posts only the op as i have a very boisterous pre schooler who wont sit still and will only watch a certain amount of Balamory . Why are they allowing this bully to do what he is doing.This would not be tolerated in the adult work place why at school. I seriously would look at other schools in your area it sound horrendous your poor ds. Take it further, why was the police not involved when yoru son was assulted last year and ended up in hospital, that was a servious crime.

Whatever happened to borstal, so glad i am in the UK where there are a lot of special schools and pupil referral units for individuals like that. Why do the government side with the perpetrators of crime and not with the victims who need the support.

pigletmania , thankfully my balamory days are behind me lol

i stupid let the principal talk me out of getting the police involved last year & believed her when she promised to sort the bully out , in the end she did nothing .
wont give her the chance tomorrow to talk me down .

Well done elmo I have been following your ds story and wish you all the luck in the world.
Take a deep breath tomorrow and don't be persuaded to change anythin of your plan by the principal.
He is a lucky boy to have you and will really be feeling great to have your backing all the way now.

No Elmofan you be assertive and stand up for your son dont let her talk you down its not acceptable. like others have said, get your son or you to keep a diary as to what is happening and any evidence to take to the police or to higher powers

mamas12 you have me welled up now , thank you x
pigletmania i have a diary since last year keep your fingers crossed i actually get her to do something x

oh maryz i am so sorry you have gone through this with your ds , & so sorry the school system has failed your ds you must of all gone through a terrible time , yes we have a PTA but to be honest they are so far up the principals backside i dont know where the principal ends & they begin
maryz i really can not thank you enough , you have kept me sane all weekend xx
i am just worried that i will not get through to the principal tomorrow how worried we are for ds , i really am very bad at confrontation (a total wimp) my sister is meeting me afterwards & we are going for a coffee as she knows what i am like i dont wish ill on x tbh i just want him to leave ds alone .
xx

Good luck elmofan, you are very forgiving maryz but in that position I would not be very forgiving to the bully.

thanks piglet x

Yes, def don't face principal on your own if you can avoid it.

Would dh come along with you, or would some-one like your sister be better?

I know confrontation can be stomach-churning, but you just try to hold on to the fact that this is your precious ds you are protecting. The head sounds a bit passive-aggresive if you ask me, among many other things.

Now just do everything maryz said, and it will all go great!

xx

Just want to say good luck

well done for getting to the police and i hope you get all your letters done, cages rattled and make some progress.

i think it says alot about you as a parent for this thread and the fact that your DS confides in you.

all the luck and best wishes in the world

Best of luck, elmo. I do think it is good if you can bring your sister with you for moral support.
I think the sitting and nodding is probably something they are trained to do i.e not to agree with you until they have both sides of the story. Our principal did this when ds1 was being bullied but the upside for us was that although he didn't immediately agree with us at the time, he did investigate and sorted the other boy out.

Point out to her that she has a duty of care to your son and that she is obliged to provide a safe environment for him.

Don't know anything about Irish schools but if the head teacher is just sitting and nodding but not really interested, listening and doing anything then is it worth taking a list of things in with you?

Like get her to explain why she didn't do anything last year or sort anything out, what did she think went wrong, in hind sight what does she think could have been done better?

And then on to this time, what is she planning on doing to punish the bully and to stop him from doing it again, what she is going to do to protect your son,

If you aren't able to take anyone with you, then take something in to record the session so you have got proof of what was said. Also write notes as you go - don't be embarrased to take the time to do this. At the end of each relevant chunk of converation, summarise back to her the main points that you discussed and -importantly - the actions that she is going to take to sort things out.

If there is any disagreements make sure each point of view gets documented and reasons why.

If you do it on sheets of A4 paper as you go, at the end of the session you can both sign it and then she can do a copy to keep on file - present it as saving her from a job of having to do notes too maybe. And then you can include the notes as an appendix with any letters sent and keep an on-going action list to use as the basis of future meetings.

I would also ask her - and maybe have a separate letter to back it up so it is definitely a request in writing too - that if any (serious) bullying incident occurs whilst you are not there, that they call you (don't know if you are able to drop everything and go up to the school) but that they call the police at the time of the attack. Might re-inforce how worried you are and will give you more ammunition if something happens (fingers crossed it doesn't) and they don't do anything about it...

Also it would show your son how serious this is, how seriously you are taking it and hopefully give him more confidence to be at school, if he knows all the teachers will be looking out for him.

Good Luck with the meeting and hope ypur DC is ok going in to School

thank you all for your wishes
my sister met me at the school & minded dd(4yrs) in my car for me while i went up to ds's school so unfortunately i had to face the principal on my own ,
i went in to talk to the principal at 8.50am & she did not want to speak to me as her first response was for me to talk to ds's teacher , i then said OK then the next time i come back here will be with a garda officer by my side . she invited me into her office then quick enough
so i told her everything & again she sat there nodding & not saying much so i put her on the spot & asked her what she was planning to do about x , she said "oh i will be making phone calls & investigating the matter " i said well going by past experiences phone calls haven't worked , so maybe its time for a meeting to be set up with the parents & dh & myself she yes that might be possible . i told her that Dh & i will do anything & everything to sort this out but i will not let ds get hit anymore & if x touches one hair on ds head i will be phoning the police & waiting in the school for them to arrive . my ds threatened to commit suicide last week i told the principal that my sons state of mind atm is down to her lack of action & that her anti bullying policy states clearly that the school supplies a " HAPPY & SAFE INVIORNMENT" so i reminded her of her duty of care towards my son etc .
i have asked for her to phone me asap to let me know what she plans to do & she said she will get back to me either today or tomorrow at the latest .

It sounds as if you put yourself across really well (reasonable but firm) and have made it clear you wont put up with this any longer.

I am so sorry your DS is having to go through this - hopefully the boys parents are sensible sorts and will knock it all on the head once and for all.

I dont really understand why the school didnt suggest a meeting with the parents from the off given the seriousness of the incidents.

If the parents cant/wont sort it, I think you would be doing everyone a favour by getting the police involved. This lad cant be get away with this behaviour - if he's like this now what will he be like when he's older?

Well done for today. I hope the head does their job and comes through for you.

Thanks sb6699 , the head is reluctant to set up a meeting with both sets of parents for some reason unknown to myself as this is the 2nd time i have requested a meeting . but i am hoping by mentioning the police becoming involved it might force her into action . maybe she is worried it will turn into a shouting match as x mum can be quite aggressive , i had a run in with her last year . to which i walked away from her & told her i would talk to her when she calmed down , i wasn't standing in the school car park getting into an argument . i walked ds up to the school & when i got back to my car she was still waiting & calmer , she even apologised for wagging her finger into ds's face as though he was the problem here
we even ended up hugging as we were both very upset , & she gave me her word x would leave ds alone . yet here we are again . the principal has not phoned me back yet & i am anxious to pick ds up & make sure he is ok .

Well done, elmo! Sounds like you stood your ground really well! And it sounds like you have been very patient with the other mum as well and it must be hard on her but IMO it's just as hard on you and your ds.
Keep us posted on how you get on.

thanks chipmonkey

picked ds up & ds told me that x is being kept back for 15 minutes after school for the next two months & has extra homework . the principal said she will phone me tomorrow with her plan of action so hopefully ill know more then . At least ds will be safe walking to & from school now . x