to think I would be better off being a single parent?

[pinkypanther]

DC1 is three weeks old (born by emergency caesarian section after becoming distressed during delivery and needed to spend four days in special care as a result)

DH took one week's paternity leave (all but one day of which DC1 and I were in hospital for) then went back to the office. He works long hours in a high pressure job and if I'm lucky he might be home by 8ish - frequently it is later (one night last week it was 10pm). As a result he does very little with the baby - maybe one evening feed and one nappy change. He doesn't help at all with anything before he goes to work and doesn't lift a finger around the house.

I am struggling as DC1 doesn't sleep much and just wants to feed all the time. Because of the section I can't drive for another three weeks and I feel totally trapped.

AIBU to think that I would be better off just leaving and going to stay with my mum for an extended period? At least then I would get some help and support...

How are you , Pinky? Been thinking about you all day...

IMHO EVERYONE feels like leaving their husbands in the first few weeks!!! That's why you need to chat to your female friends. Men just don't get it.
A new baby is a bombshell to us all, and with the added bonus of EMCS no wonder you are feeling all over the place.

Keep calm, deep breaths and make sure you see people regularly.

Chat to your HV.

Hope you had an OK night (I know it won't have been a 'good' night, but we can hope for OK).

Good luck.

Are you sure you can't drive? when I had a CS I was told by many people that the insurance company wouldn't cover you for 6 weeks after CS.But when I actually rang them up they said that unless a doctor had specifically forbidden it and providing I thought I was ok, then there was no problem.

brassband, it was the other way around for me. The insurance company said so long as my doctor had said it was okay, I could drive.

Still, it's always worth checking yourself Pinky, as it seems it might vary depending on the insurer.

Red wine - I found this an interesting thread, with a lot of thoughtful and considered replies.

I guess you see yourself as a 'champion' of the poor hormonal new mother, but I hope if you take a chance to think about it, your way of going about it achieves absolutely nothing constructive.

No doubt you will write me off as 'smug' etc, etc. but other people are allowed to have different opinions to you; if you disagree, try putting a reasoned and rational argument, not just resorting to abusive twattery.

But I am glad the OP found it helpful, it is also helpful for me to remind myself that I do post as single parent and can be senstive to casual references, when perhaps I shouldn't be.

Been thinking about you too Pinky.
I think some posters on here are doing a bit of "competitive misery". Perhaps they had it hard/harder so they think you have no right to complaing, but they are wrong.

You are definitely going to be more knackered than your husband right now and he needs to take some of that burden off you. THat is what happens in normal, loving relationships
The OP is most likely still in pain. She is exhausted and her "shift" is 24 hours. She has given up work, whereas her husband is privileged enough to be able to continue working. If he'S gone out at the weekend (didn't read that bit), then that is a very twattish thing to do.
As I said, I don't think he is a bad person, I just think he doesn't get it yet.

A lot of single parents on here have read the title and got annoyed because they think the OP doesn't realise how hard it is to be single. While may be true but I think many lone parents forget that having a man in the house who feels that because he earns the cash he'S let off the house and baby work in the evening (whereas the woman is constantly "on call") is a real pain in the bum. You have to put up with his moods and whims; sometimes they sulk; they might compete with the baby for attention; they might feel the woman should be looking after them as well as the baby; many men expect to have meat or somesuch for dinner, whereas if you're a lone parent you can rustle up something lighter that you might enjoy more: men cause a lot of housework that wouldn't exist if the man wasn't around.
My point is that having a man around who doesn't help as much as he should is much the same as having an extra child in the house, and on that basis some women are defintely better off single. Going out to work does not exempt him from helping at home 3 weeks post C-section FFS!

Pinky, I dearly hope your DH begins to realise that caring for a newborn is not a 1-person job so either he picks up the slack or you should go to your mums. IN Japan, where I live, all mothers go back to their mothers' house for over a month after the birth to reccuperate. The husband lives alone in the family home during that time, cooks for himself, cleans up after himself and doesn't expect his wife to lift a finger for him. ANd thats the way it should be.

I'm always amused at the suggestion that in a relationship with children that the non-working partner should do everything of a domestic nature because the great hunter gatherer is working.

Some people who live on their own do manage to feed themselves, do their own washing, clean their own house and gasp go out to work.

It is entirely reasonable for the partner of a woman who has had a c-section, or has recently given birth and is getting to grips with new motherhood to come home, stick some dinner in the oven, turn on the washing machine and push the bloody hoover round. It's the humane thing to do.