stopping my kids going to a Catholic Church

[jennyslinger]

I know religion is contentious so I'd like to say up front that I am a confirmed atheist and my DH is a confirmed catholic. This is not about the rights or wrongs of believing in god.

DH wants DS and DD (when she's 4yo) to go to our local Cathocis church to attend sunday school and get involved with other church activities.

I have read so much over the last few years about the child abuse cover-up in the Catholic Church. For this reason I have told DH and his family that the kids will not be going.

DH says I am fussing over nothing.

I asked DH he knew a nursery had covered up child abuse would he be happy with the kids going. He says this is not the same.

Am I being unreasonable?

It's unlikely they will be allowed to attend a Catholic Sunday School / children's service ona regular basis unless they are Catholics, so I wouldn't worry.

How likely is it that your children will be alone with an adult they don't know when they are at Sunday school?

I would also like to point out that the vast majority of Catholics condemn completely and absolutely any abuse of children.

To use that as an excuse is a bit lame imho.

DH's plan is that they become active Catholics.

Were they baptised?

DH insisted on them being baptised. It wasn't a battle I cared enough about to fight.

This attitude makes me really angry. I am catholic, and condemn any paedophile, whatever their religion, as would the majority of catholics.

I don't dispute that the cover ups were atrocious, but to condemn all catholics is ridiculous. It's up there with "all muslims are terrorists" but somehow this prejudice is condoned as the majority of us are white skinned.

They are his children as well.

As a catholic myself I would not have children with someone who would not support me bringing them up in the church. Marriages between people holding such wildly different views are going to face these kinds of problems

YANBU! I was brought up a Catholic, but my three dc are being brought up Church of Ireland (we live in Ireland, obviously!).

The Catholic Church in Ireland has been headline news for months, and the accounts of abuse suffered by innocent children is truly horrific.

I do wish my children to be brought up in a faith, but by golly there are better places to go than the Catholic Church.

And we're not even touching on the misogyny, the homophobia, the banning of contraception and divorce...

You stick to your guns lady!

Has your local church been involved in the child abuse cover up? Have children from there been abused?

Because if it hasn't/they haven't, your nursery analogy falls down - it's like saying because that nursery worker in Plymouth took abusive pictures of children, my child won't go to nursery full stop.

If you're against them becoming Catholic that's fair enough, but don't use that as the excuse.

Unfortunately I think you should have been more prepared to fight for the non baptism which would have strengthened your POV. They are also his children and once the baptism has happened, they are Catholic, unless they repudiate? the church as adults, I believe.

The child abuse was being uncovered many years ago- the media hype has made it seem like it's happened more and more, but really it's stayed more or less the same for years, it's just the hysteria surrounding it has grown.

You've angered the Catholics somehow...

What on earth?!?!

There are millions of catholics. There are a handful of bad ones.

Your attitude is terrible - it's important to your DH and that should be good enough for you.

Are you going to stop them going to school because of the odd bad teacher? Or not let them join Scouts because of the odd bad Scout leader?

YABVU.

Lovely attitude Olivia.

Seriously, replace the word 'catholics' in that sentence with another religion, and it would be deleted for racism.

yab especially u if you are using 'they'll be at risk of abuse' when really you mean 'you'll indoctrinate them against my will'

you need a serious talk with dh

I don't disagree with his views - everybody to their own especially when it comes to God, Santa, healing crystals or any other belief.

I. DH nor his family will be there at all times to look over our kids.

I've read in proper newspapers that the child abuse was not a one off - there are headlines in the US, Germany and Ireland about a systematic cover-up of decades of child abuse.

I'm just not willing to risk anything like this happening to my kids - when I know that its happened to the scale it has.

I still have this doubt though, whether I am blowing it out of proportion.

olivia I'm not catholic, just appalled at the OP's post.

She'll be on here in a few years saying "oh, a man looked at my children, AIBU to have called the police?"

Oh grow up.

That's right dID, and unspeakable abuse that happened, and the coverups which were instigated by the hierarchy and their foot soldiers, many of whom are now bishops, and one the Cardinal of all Ireland was ages ago.

So really, just get over youself.

FGS. And I mean FGS...

in that case surely you must apply the principle universally and your children may do nothing and go nowhere without your/dh's supervision

No scouts, no sports clubs, no music/dancing lessons, and have fun home edding...

OP, the Catholic Church is probably one of the safest places (vis a vis child abuse) to send your kids right now; everyone is going to be so aware of the issues. And I say that as an atheist.

OLKN The church is OK, the vicarage might be a bit risky.

OK, just reading op's later post don't in any way think her kids are in danger at Sunday School!!

Sorry, had assumed there was a deeper reasoning going on, as in what the RC Church stands for, and why there seems to be collective lack of accountabilityof past sins.

Am highly sceptical now and wondering if this is a windup?

YABU

My recent experience of the Catholic Church is that it's Child Prtection procedures are more robust than many organisations. CRB checks for any person coming into contact with children are mandatory - even as a parent you need to have a CRB check to accompany your child into the children's litergy group as you will also be with children other than your own.

I understand that in many respects it is difficult to trust others with our children, but we do it everyday... at school, nursery, cubs, dance classes....

I suspect you already know all this - have a think about what your real issue is and then discuss it with your dh.
He is by the way, just carrying out what you both promised to do when you had your dc baptised.

"I'm just not willing to risk anything like this happening to my kids "

So they won't go to school? Or nursery? Or any childcare setting? Or scouts? (All of these places have had high profile abuse cases at some point)

And while we're at it, do you leave them alone with your husband's catholic family? Or do you only discriminate against catholics with full CRB checks?

In order to work/volunteer at sunday school/children's liturgy, you have to undertake the exact same checks as a teacher.

The abuse happened in children's homes, to children with no one to protect them, at a time when we as a society did not have the protective measures in place we have now.

I, and any catholics I know, find it heartbreaking that these atrocities happened 'in our name' and we wish the same punishments on the evil perpetrators as the rest of you.

Why on earth would you tar us all with that evil brush?

(If you don't want your children to be raised in the church, btw, that is a different issue, and should be treated as such.)

YABU if that is your reason. Peadophiles of all faiths and none cover up for each other. Not all Catholics are peadophiles and not all peadophiles are Catholic. There are 1 billion of us. Do you really believe that we all want to abuse your children? I can totally understand why an atheist would not want their child to go to Sunday school but wanting to keep them away from anyone who works in the same job or has the same faith as a different person who is a peadophile is a poor arguement.