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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask employer for childcare costs?

153 replies

starkadder · 17/03/2010 13:14

Just about to start a new job - part time. There's a conference I'd like to go to (would be good for my employers if I did) but I spent half the day every day looking after DS. DH works 8-2 so I start work when he gets in.

Anyway, I've suggested it to them but have said I'd need to pay out an extra 50quid/day to get a childminder for each day I'd be gone. I'd obviously be at the conference full time, so to speak, so they'd be getting more for their money in terms of salary anyway.

Now I am not sure if this is reasonable or not. I was thinking of it as a travel expense - just like the airline ticket/sandwich in the airport, etc. But AIBU? Has anyone else ever asked their employer for something like this?

OP posts:
FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 17/03/2010 13:16

On the face of it it seems cheeky but you could always ask. If they say no, will you still go?

justallovertheplace · 17/03/2010 13:17

yabu. There is no way your employer will pay your childcare- they may pay your travel or accomodation, but it's not their fault that you have dependants, and they shouldn't have to pay for them. tbh I would not even ask them, it would not get you off on the right foot with a new employer

Callisto · 17/03/2010 13:20

So there is a conference that you would like to go to and you're expecting your new employer to pay for your time there when you should be at work, plus child care ? Sounds like you're taking the piss to me.

Original poster
starkadder · 17/03/2010 13:22

Well - if they say no, I don't really want to go, because I'd be working extra hours for no extra money, plus would have to pay out about 150quid from my own pocket for the childcare. So, I'd be 150quid down just to go to a conference for them. I'm not sure if I love them THAT much.

I do see what you mean - not their fault I have dependants - and I wasn't going to suggest it, but then the other option is not to go at all.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 17/03/2010 13:22

Not unreasonable to ask for full-time pay for the days that you're at the conference (which you could then use to pay for childcare) but anything else is chancing it.

FloSnake · 17/03/2010 13:24

Does your employer require you to go to this conference as part of your job? If so then you should be able to claim childcare costs if it isn't during your normal working hours. I once claimed for childcare when I was required to do a full day-s training course (I normally work only 4.5 hours a day) so they paid the extra 3.5 hours' childcare.

If they don't pay your childcare costs then you should certainly get time off in lieu.

If it's just something you'd like to go to, rather than have to go, then I don't think you can reasonably expect your employer to pay for the childcare costs. But no harm in asking - they can only say no!

Original poster
starkadder · 17/03/2010 13:29

Thanks guys Fiosnake - it would be part of my job - but it was my idea to go. I think it would be a good thing for them if I went. Obviously, I'm happy to go as well but it's not like I particularly want to for my own gratification.

And yes - that's exactly it - it wouldn't be during my normal working hours, hence the need for childcare help. Am glad of your reply as I don't want to have destroyed my reputation with them before I have even started working for them...! I thought I was being quite reasonable but the first replies to this were rather worrying (gulp)

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 17/03/2010 13:30

if dont ask you dont get

but generally employers dont pay for childcare costs, but as you will be working all day, you could ask for a full days salary and then the extra to go towards childcare costs

Original poster
starkadder · 17/03/2010 13:33

callisto - didn't see your reply before, sorry. I don't want to go for my own personal/professional development. I want to go for marketing/networking on their behalf. I think it would be good for them, not me, particularly. Since I am just about to start working for them, it is in my interests to help them succeed as much as possible. Should have made this clearer in OP.

OP posts:
Callisto · 17/03/2010 13:38

In that case ask for full pay and travel. Asking for child care costs is the sort of thing that puts employers off giving mothers jobs.

Original poster
starkadder · 17/03/2010 13:43

Yes...you're right...but the feminist in me thought - damn it, why shouldn't I? Why should women have to pretend we don't have children all the time?! But possibly this emotional attitude is not a great idea in my first week working there.

OP posts:
ooojimaflip · 17/03/2010 13:52

If THEY suggest it then it's reasonable to ask for out of pocket expenses to be reimbursed. If that includes childcare costs then so be it.

If you suggest it then I think you would have a hard sell.

MrsVidic · 17/03/2010 13:54

ooh an expences scandal

Undercovamutha · 17/03/2010 14:03

I work half days, and when I was in a more junior role I was expected to pay for childcare if I worked a full day (for a conference or training), but got the additional working time back in lieu. This was useful to cover days when kids were sick etc.
Now I am in a management role, and there is no possibility of time in lieu. However, my employers are quite reasonable, and I like to think that the more flexible I am, the more they will be - which is normally the case luckily for me.

I guess it come down to how flexible you think they are, and how understanding of your situation they seem to be. However, I would be very surprised and a bit if one of my staff came to me asking for childcare costs to be paid.

MisSalLaneous · 17/03/2010 14:14

YABU.

It's not a feminist issue - you're not asking for the same rights as men, you're asking for more just because you're a mother.

I wouldn't do it if I were you, and most definitely not in a new job. If you want to go and you can afford the childcare, take the hit this once, and judge the atmosphere there to determine whether or not this would go down well in future. I've never worked anywhere where this would have been seen as acceptable.

You could ask whether you'd be paid for the full day as that would mean you can recover some of your additional childcare costs. Up to them to then offer, but I wouldn't expect it.

porcamiseria · 17/03/2010 14:17

YABU, I dont it will set a great impression, and its not really fair on employees wuith no kids. If you want to do it, see childcare costs as an investement and let them know you will do it EVEN THOUGH it will cost you extra, then you get brownie points anhd who knows they might even offfer (but I doubt it)

theyoungvisiter · 17/03/2010 14:23

definitely NOT in a new job!

Maybe, maybe if you are an established employee and going to the conference at their request.

But this will not make a good first impression and may make them think that you're taking the piss if you have real emergencies in the future - they don't know you and have no idea what your work ethic is at this stage.

Can't your DH take a half day to cover you?

GetOrfMoiLand · 17/03/2010 14:32

I'm with miscalleneous.

You would be mad to ask for this in a new job. Yes claim for a full day's pay and all travel expenses, but not childcare. Not if you want them to take you seriously.

Original poster
starkadder · 17/03/2010 14:32

oh dear...well, I've asked already so please all stop saying it will ruin everything in the new job!!

DH can't take the time off - he's a teacher.

I don't see how it's unfair on employees with no kids - what difference would it make to them? I don't want anything extra for ME. I just thought it would be good for them if I went but, because it's outside my normal working hours, I'd be considerably out of pocket if I did.

Normally I'd never ask for extra money or time in lieu if I had to work a full day rather than a half day - am definitely prepared to be flexible - but the problem is that I'd have to fork out all this cash for a minder...

OP posts:
theyoungvisiter · 17/03/2010 14:37

oh dear - sorry I didn't realise you'd asked outright. I just thought from your op you had made them aware that you would have extra costs.

Which I think is acceptable - they can then offer to meet you half way or whatever.

It's hard but people have to work extra hours all the time and you just have to suck it up. I have to work occasional evenings and weekends in my job as well as go to conferences on my days off - I don't get paid any extra at all - not for my time, or for the childcare.

Maybe your employers will be more understanding but mine, while very good about most stuff, understandably see MY kids as MY problem.

FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 17/03/2010 14:41

So within 1 1/4 hours of posting you had already asked? Why post?

LadyBiscuit · 17/03/2010 14:41

I think YABU and I'm a single parent who occasionally has to fork out extra for childcare when I have to go away overnight. It's my problem that I'm a single parent, not my employer's.

Original poster
starkadder · 17/03/2010 14:44

thanks theyoungvisiter One of my VERY favourite books, btw. Poor Mr Salteena.

Well...they have replied already actually and said that they don't usually pay child care costs but that they would like me to go...and there are some other details as well - I replied saying, maybe they could pay me full time for those 3 days and I'll cover my own costs. Hope I haven't fecked everything up..

OP posts:
Original poster
starkadder · 17/03/2010 14:45

fab - thought I had made that clear - I asked, thinking myself perfectly reasonable, but then thought - AIBU? - so posted to see what others though. Tbh am a bit surprised that the universal response seems to be that I shouldn't have asked...!

OP posts:
CMOTdibbler · 17/03/2010 14:46

I don't get paid for my extra childcare when I have to go away for work (I work ft, but often need a babysitter to bring DS home when DH is at meetings), and I can't see that anyone would pay it. Childcare is my (and DHs) problem, not my employers

But, as a part timer, you should have the facility to get paid for extra hours you work if it isn't your day to work. Colleague can claim up to our full time hours if she goes to conferences (note, not overtime, just standard hourly rate, and stops at the amount others would get)