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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect 11 year olds to use the loo properly?

154 replies

Alouiseg · 06/03/2010 21:47

Ds2 has 2 friends for a dreaded sleepover. They are both in year 7 at ds2 new school. They both live fairly close to us, one over the fence and one 2 miles away.

I just went up to check on the state of play and found a lump of poo in the toilet bowl and a lump of poo on the bathroom floor!!!!! I am horrified. I cleaned up then spoke to all 3 boys very strongly. I pointed out that I had cleared up the disgusting mess in the bathroom and if it happens again I will be driving everyone home. I didn't ask for an admission but I am shocked beyond belief. I feel sorry for ds2 who will be mortified that one of his friends did that.

I don't really want anyone here now and wondering what to say to the parents, one of which hasn't even contacted me to confirm that her ds is staying here for the night. So bloody cross.

OP posts:
nattiecake · 06/03/2010 21:54
Shock
IlooklikeGrotbagstoday · 06/03/2010 21:58

yuk! YANBU!!

TottWriter · 06/03/2010 22:06

Okay, now fair enough if the poo got stuck in the loo or something, though I would hope the child would try and remedy it at that age, but on the floor?

There is no circumstance I can think of in which that would be a remotely decent way to leave a bathroom.

YANBU. I only hope that if your DS visits thee friends their bathrooms will not be continually in a similar state.

Original poster
Alouiseg · 06/03/2010 22:12

My bathrooms have never been subjected to that before and I'm pretty certain my dc only poo in their own loo.

My dh has been up to check that nothing else untoward has occurred and hopefully put the fear of God into the little gits.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/03/2010 00:21

yuk yuk yuk at that age they should know how to use the toilet, they are not toddlers.

KatnKankles · 07/03/2010 01:46

I thought you were going to say something about peeing on the toilet seat (13 yo DS guilty of that) but YUK

YANBU!

CwtchyMama · 07/03/2010 08:28

Yuk,that horrible, we went to pizza hut yesterday for dinner & there was a birthday party there for a girl.

DS, 3, asked to go the bathroom so i took him & there was about 5 of the party girls in there also, all giggling & one of them was throwing water out of her hands all over the floor & splashing it up the walls & all over the toilet there was pee.

I turned around & told a mamber of staff & DH took DS to the mens.

These girls looked about 8 or 9 so old enough to know better.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/03/2010 09:06

Yuck.

At home, we home those toilet duck disposable toilet cleaning things (bits of paper, impregnated with cleaning fluid that slot onto a handle, then you flush the "brush" part when you are done). My boys clean the toilet themselves (age 6 and 9)

yumimummi · 07/03/2010 09:19

YANBU that is vile. I would be pissed off if I thought my son or his 5 and 6 yr old friends had done a poo on the floor. l would not even really expect from my 3 yr old - even the cats know where it is acceptable to poo!.

OTTMummA · 07/03/2010 16:28

that is not right is it, not at 11!
i found this shocking too, an old school friend bumped into me last yr, and she came to mine for a coffee the next day with her 6yr old DD, her mum went outside for a cig as i don't let ppl smoke inside ( was slightly anti social imo but hey ho )
her dd wanted the toilet, so i showed her to the bathroom, and she said she couldn't get on the toilet herself, hmmm, so i helped her up, put her on, stood in the halway as the stairs were steep and didn't want her to fall, when she came out, i noticed she hadn't flushed, went in to flush it,
what did i find?! A MASSIVE FLOATER, with no TP used?! yuk!
told her she needed to wipe, but she said she didn't!
never invited round my house again

dolphin13 · 07/03/2010 17:14

Actually I would think that your ds will be more mortified that you spoke to his friends like that. Although maybe he is the sort of child that will go to school and tell other friends what happened so the poor boys get horribly bullied.
Maybe the child had something wrong with him and couldn't hold it in.
Maybe he was embarrassed about going to loo in a strange house and held it in. Then couldn't help himsef having an accident.
Yes this unusual for a child his age but not unheard of. He should have cleaned it up but he didn't. Get over it it's only poo.
I think you are a bully and you should be ashamed of your over the top reaction.

Never been flamed, does it hurt?

BrahmsThirdRacket · 07/03/2010 17:24

No, come on. At 5 maybe YABU. They are at secondary school, they should know how to use a toilet.

itchyandscratchy · 07/03/2010 17:24

I dunno - I think some kids behave completely differently when not in their own environment.

The state of the boys loos at school is truely vile, to the extent where the head put cctv cameras in the washroom part and has caught them doing things like purposely blocking sinks, turning taps on and flooding them, peeing on the floor (again in the sink area), throwing used toilet paper at one another, etc. and when caught their parents have been mortified and clearly not scummy themselves.

However, I'd like to think the boys that were at yours were just careless rather than anything else and it was an accident (well I'd hope so!)

and dophin13, that's a bullyish post yourself. Have a word with yourself - there's no need to be like that.

Original poster
Alouiseg · 07/03/2010 17:43

dolphin13

I don't think that expecting 11-12 year olds not to shit on the floor is over the top! My ds is mortified that one of his friends did that.

I resent being accused of bullyish behaviour on this thread, read the rules at the top.

Even if it was a "medical issue" they are perfectly capable of picking the poo up and flushing the lavatory properly! My bathroom is fully laden with paper, wipes and toilet cleaning wipes.

Your comment that it is "only poo" is ridiculous. We have a sewarage and sanitation system for a reason, so that diseases are not spread.

OP posts:
dolphin13 · 07/03/2010 17:43

I'm sorry didn't mean to sound bullyish. But I am horrified that an adult would treat a child like that. At 11 it shouldn't happen but it's not that uncommon and nearly always occurs as a result of some kind of trauma.
Alouiseg, how well do you know this child?. I will admit though that it could just be the result of a crap upbringing (excuse the pun). However, I still don't think it's fair for a child to be humiliated in someone elses home. Just don't invite him back.

dolphin13 · 07/03/2010 17:47

I apologise if I sounded bullyish didn't mean to. I am though horrified that an adult would treat a child like that. At 11 it shouldn't happen but it does and when it does it is usually because of severe emotional trauma. Alouiseg, how well do you k

Original poster
Alouiseg · 07/03/2010 17:57

How did I treat anyone badly? I walked into ds bedroom and addressed them all. I pointed out that i had cleared up a disgusting mess and didn't want to know who it was but i didn't expect to see it again or the sleepover is off.

Should i have ignored it?? Smiled sweetly and asked boys nearly as tall as me if they needed a hand wiping their botties.

If they have had a rubbish upbringing they need someone to point out the error of their ways.

OP posts:
MayorNaze · 07/03/2010 18:01

OP i would probably have done what you did. and would've been raging that they thought it was ok to leave that sort of mess. 5 year olds - maybe. 11 year olds - ew.

YANBU

mumeeee · 07/03/2010 18:05

Yes it is digusting. But I wouldn't have spoken to your DS friends like that in front of him. 11 year olds do sometimes have accidents and he may not have noticed,

DramaInPyjamas · 07/03/2010 18:12

OP - How do you know it wasn't your own son? You said nobody admitted to doing it and that you didn't want to know who was responsible..
So how do you know for certain that it was one of the other boys? Your son could be ashamed to admit to you that it was him.. Hence the embarrasment.. I do think your reaction towards it has been a bit OTT to be honest..

PixieOnaLeaf · 07/03/2010 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CoupleofKooks · 07/03/2010 18:20

you said you didn't expect to see it again - well they were hardly likely to poo twice in one sleepover were they?

i think boys (and probably men, tbh) are pretty rubbish about being neat and clean in the toilet
no it should not have happened, but i am guessing it was by accident rather than on purpose
some of you are talking about it as if it's the most offensive and scary thing that could ever have happened

at the end of the day it is just a bit of child's poo

Original poster
Alouiseg · 07/03/2010 18:21

I guarantee it wasn't my ds, for a start he goes to the loo in the morning after breakfast before he showers!!! I clean this bloody house I know their habits.

Beginning to wonder about all you poo on the floor defenders ;-)

OP posts:
CoupleofKooks · 07/03/2010 18:30

ah well, we can see that your son would not go to the toilet outside of the pre-defined parameters

when you say "wondering what to say to the parents" - what on earth did you think you MIGHT say? "i think your son shat on my floor?"

i would suggest you don't have sleepovers again tbh

Morloth · 07/03/2010 18:32

Forgetting to flush (i.e. poo left in the loo), a bit yuck - but OK. DS at 5 sometimes forgets to flush for a poo because we don't flush for wees.

Poo on the floor at 11? WTF? I would definitely have said something. Even if there is an accident then at 11 they are more than capable of cleaning it up themselves.

CoupleofKooks "i think boys (and probably men, tbh) are pretty rubbish about being neat and clean in the toilet..."

Seriously?! We can't expect males to not crap on the floor and clean it up? Hell, my cat manages to get it in the litter box.

I would think my husband/son needed some sort of help if they started leaving crap on the toilet seat/floor.

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