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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect 11 year olds to use the loo properly?

154 replies

Alouiseg · 06/03/2010 21:47

Ds2 has 2 friends for a dreaded sleepover. They are both in year 7 at ds2 new school. They both live fairly close to us, one over the fence and one 2 miles away.

I just went up to check on the state of play and found a lump of poo in the toilet bowl and a lump of poo on the bathroom floor!!!!! I am horrified. I cleaned up then spoke to all 3 boys very strongly. I pointed out that I had cleared up the disgusting mess in the bathroom and if it happens again I will be driving everyone home. I didn't ask for an admission but I am shocked beyond belief. I feel sorry for ds2 who will be mortified that one of his friends did that.

I don't really want anyone here now and wondering what to say to the parents, one of which hasn't even contacted me to confirm that her ds is staying here for the night. So bloody cross.

OP posts:

Ledodgy · 08/03/2010 16:21

11 year old boys shouldn't poo on the floor no. BUT 11 year old boys are also very exciteable especially at sleepovers I imagine and may rush to the loo quickly, do a poo, wipe once and not realise they have dropped/knocked a nugget of poo on the floor and forget to flush. They may not have seen the poo. I wouldn't have said anything to the boys then or if I had would have gone in and said 'Listen lads the toilet was in a bit of a state earlier if you do use it can you all remember to flush.' I think you were completely OTT tbh.

dolphin13 · 08/03/2010 16:23

It's not pusillanimous it's called empathy something I would hope most parents have at least a little of. Are you really saying that every mother on here who disagrees with you is a lazy slob with low standards?.
Get over yourself.
I feel really sorry for your ds.

Ledodgy · 08/03/2010 16:26

Anyway you can't be 100% sure it wasn't your son.

Ledodgy · 08/03/2010 16:27

Oh I see you've already answered that one.

Jackstini · 08/03/2010 16:28

"The whole school will not know, just 3, 11 year old boys."
Yeah, right! Because 11 year olds are really good at keeping secrets about things like poo...
You should have just cleaned it up and maybe had a quiet word later.

DramaInPyjamas · 08/03/2010 16:30

Ledodgy - Yes, her son only goes to the toilet between breakfast and morning shower. On the dot. Every morning !!

Original poster

Alouiseg · 08/03/2010 16:32

If they were confident enough to assume that someone would clear their mess up i think we can confidently say that they wont be scarred by me mentioning it! I didn't shout I just told them what i had to clear up.

I had to spend an hour of my Saturday evening washing floors and toilets, i havnt had to even look at another persons excrement since my children were 6 years old. Why should i turn a blind eye to something that would have led to an assembly on manners at school.

I have never smacked my children and i can't remember the last time i shouted at them, they know how to behave at other peoples houses and in restaurants and hotels.

Do forgive me for being horrified at something so pathetic. I must be a dreadful person but not as dreadful as people who don't teach their children basic sanitary lessons.

OP posts:

OtterInaSkoda · 08/03/2010 16:41

The boy who left the shit might have dreadful parents who didn't teach him basic sanitary lessons. You didn't need to add to his problems imo. Something along the lines of Ledodgy's suggestion would have sufficed. He'd have got the message, and the others would have been none the wiser.

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/03/2010 16:45

It was obviously an accident and the culprit either didn't notice or was too embarrassed to deal with it. It could have been your ds. Are you seriously suggesting that there are 11 year olds out there who don't know how to use the loo? What must their own home, or indeed the school be like, if that is the case. It seems so obvious it was an accident of some sort to me.

Original poster

Alouiseg · 08/03/2010 16:51

Getting fed up with this! Yes it was obviously an accident ( i hope) why the hell couldn't he have cleaned up after himself? If he had taken a second to wash his hands then he would have seen it on the floor IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATHROOM.

This child was sleeping in my house in one of my beds in my sheets. It's gross.

Over and out and farewell to the poo loving excuses for bad manners on here.

I just hope that you never encounter that on your clean shiny bathroom floor.

OP posts:

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/03/2010 16:59

Excuse me for posting!

DramaInPyjamas · 08/03/2010 17:09

I still 100% believe that it was her own son, who didn't own up because of he knew what her reaction would be (as displayed here on thread) She didn't have a good enough reason for it not to be him in my opinion.

No wonder that her son was mortified, I would have been too, having her as a mother.

mumofaboy · 08/03/2010 18:15

OP I understand your disgust but I think your reaction was a little unkind. I have IBS and when I was a teenager I had bladder problems too (and of course being a girl periods as well), - this was something even my mum didn't know the extent of so I don't think my friend's mums would have known. I remember how utterly mortifying it was when something went wrong - admittedly I would have covered my tracks better than your DS's friend but when you're a child you just panic don't you? I remember being in situations like being in the car with friends and how their mums simply wouldn't understand that when I needed the toilet I needed it now. Not to be patronising but I think it is hard to understand if you've never had the problem yourself.

Personally I would have spoken to each of the boys separately and found out the situation; you could have decided then if a bollocking was warranted. As it is I suspect the culprit will be found by a process of elimination and if it was an accident his friends are probably mocking him.

earwaxbanisher · 08/03/2010 18:28

ewwww my four year old wouldnt do that

CoupleofKooks · 08/03/2010 18:49

god i just don't think children deal very well with this kind of thing
we are agreed it was clearly an accident - but you seem to think that people should be told off and embarrassed when they make a mistake
11 year olds are CHILDREN
they aren't anywhere near adults
they do stupid things
they don't have the same perceptions and focus that we do
it's almost 100% certain that this kid just made a mistake and didn't notice, or panicked and ran off, never dreaming you would come screeching in and humiliate him in front of his mates
and what about your son? even if you're pissed off with the floor poo-er, do you not think it would have been kinder to just leave it, rather than totally show him up?

i'm thinking back to when i was a child
my periods started when i was 13, did i manage to always leave the bathroom in a pristine state so no-one would know? hell no! not when i was 14 either! i had some terribly embarrassing experiences where blood got places where it shouldn't have and i either didn't notice, or didn't manage to clear it up
i still remember with mortification now
if anyone had made a big deal of it i probably would have curled up and died

Miggsie · 08/03/2010 18:52

Telling an eleven year old that poohing on the floor is vile is not bullying. It is establishing house rules.

What would have been bullying is: marching the three boys into the bathroom, shoving their faces in the poo, then forcing all three to clean it up OR forcing one to own up to it being his poo (possibly by pulling down their pants to see who had skid marks) and clean it up with his friends watching.

I have told kids in my house not to swear, not to spit and not to pull the cats tail.
Does this make me a bully?

If the poo was deliberate then the person being bullied was the OP as she was forced to clean poo off the floor, not a nice job (pun intended). If the poo was an accident the kid should know to clean it up. Perhaps he regularly visits houses where the mums all rush to clear his poo off the floor and consider it an honour, but now he knows he cannot do that at OP's house and perhaps will not be too surprised when he isn't invited back.

For the record, my DH would have told the parents, he can't bear boys and men who think the world loves their pee, poo and farts as much as they do.

And it nearly always is women who clear up pee and poo, why should we?

Those people who would clear up the poo without complaining can mail us all their addresses so next time the OP finds an unwanted poo on the floor they can be contacted to come over and clear it up for her, so some poor boys don't go through the trauma of being told off.

CoupleofKooks · 08/03/2010 18:57

oh don't be ridiculous
it isn't the trauma of being told off
it's the total humiliation of your friends being told that you've had a toilet accident

you're missing the point on purpose

Morloth · 08/03/2010 18:59

There are seriously people in the world who think it is OK for an 11 year old to leave shit on the floor for someone else to clean up and that you shouldn't say anything to them?

Sometimes I think I live in a parallel universe to some Mumsnetters.

Gawd I hope I don't know any of the poo defenders on this thread. I would tell off the 6yos I have over for playdates for this. But thankfully it would appear that they have all been civilised to the point where they clean up after themselves.

5Foot5 · 08/03/2010 19:29

"I had to spend an hour of my Saturday evening washing floors and toilets,"

It took you an hour? A whole hour!

Hell am I a hopeless slattern or does anyone else think this sounds like an excessively long time to deal with this situation. Surely it is just:

pick poo of floor and put in toilet
mop floor with disinfectant
flush loo and go over with loo brush
pop down a bit of bleach for good measure
wash hands thoroughly

I reckon I could manage all that in less than ten minutes. What the hell else did you have to do to the bathroom that it took that long?

BTW - I would be grossed out too and a bit angry but I would assume the culprit hadn't noticed. I think I might have mentioned something like "Hey someone left the loo a bit messy please try to be more careful" but I don't think I would have gone in all guns blazing.

CoupleofKooks · 08/03/2010 19:38

sometimes kindness is more important than 'standards' (whatever the fk they are anyway)

it isn't just hygiene and cleanliness our children learn from us you know, they also learn (by example hopefully) manners, consideration, flexibility, good humour and toleration

or not, as the case may be

bloss · 08/03/2010 19:39

Message withdrawn

Conundrumish · 08/03/2010 19:40

I am pretty sure OP is a troll. I honestly can't believe someone could repeatedly miss the point that this child could have had a medical problem.

Either that or I think you need some help OP because you sound very stressed and out of control.

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/03/2010 19:47

Yes, I would assume the culprit hadn't noticed the stray poo on the floor. Because the alternative is really too difficult to contemplate.

I would have approached the boys before cleaning it up and said "Oy, someone's gone a bit wrong in the bathroom. It needs cleaning up and I am not getting involved". Then handed over kitchen roll, disinfectant, rubber gloves with clear instructions and reminded them to wash their hands thoroughly.

CoupleofKooks · 08/03/2010 19:56

crikey bibbity, you would have made them clear up the poo en masse? blimey that's worse than anything i think! either some poor worried boy will end up clearing up someone else's poo just cos the mother has gone a bit scary, or the culprit will own up and be teased for ever more

is anyone else wondering where the 'AIBU?' bit comes in?
you had no intention of asking us whether we thought you were being unreasonable, OP
you won't listen to anything any of us say unless we agree that you are utterly reasonable!!

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/03/2010 20:02

I think they would probably have thought it was no big deal if the adult didn't make a huuuggge fuss about it.

If any of the non-culprits had happened to go in the bathroom next before the op then they would have known about it too, wouldn't they?

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