If I was your DIL, and I politely asked you not to phone on a Sunday, would you carry on phoning?

[ilovepiccolina]

FIL is retired, and gets bored. MIL goes to Mass, so he started ringing us a lot on a Sunday, and it started to really stress me out. I realise it's my problem, he doesn't understand why he shouldn't etc., but surely he should respect the request?

I like a nice quiet Sunday. Cut off from the world. I find the phone intrusive. Once he phoned four times, starting at 8.50am - 'What, it's nearly 9 o'clock and you're not up yet? What a waste of a day!' and then, later, when the dch were at Sunday School - a brilliant invention, a whole hour when DH and I could, er, reconnect . The phone is by the bed and DH would feel obliged to answer it: 'If it's a green bird it must be a greenfinch.' etc.

He would ring before lunch when I was cooking, when we were eating, when we were just about to go out for a walk. It got to the point where I had a sort of phobia and was dreading it. And I started turning the phone off but hated it, felt guilty, just in case there was an emergency, or the dch needed collecting, or whatever.

So, with DH's permission, I asked him, politely, if he could leave the phone calls until the evening, because we were always doing something, cooking, eating etc. He was v. surprised, but agreed. It was fine for a year or so, but now he rings every Sunday again. Last week - 12.30, I was cooking while listening to some beautiful music: 'It's been raining all morning. What's the weather like down where you are?Spoilt the mood.

He has other dch to ring ffs, or he can ring on Saturdays, weekdays. I've asked DH to ring him on Saturdays but often he CBA.

Am I weird? I don't want to make a big thing of this with DH in case he thinks I am. But should FIL respect my wishes? He can be nice but is also a bit of a bully. A power thing, do you think?

Yes you are weird.

That's your husbands father.

How would you like it in 20 years, your son's wives say "oh by the way, I prefer my life to be quiet on this day, don't contact us..."

how rude!

i understand getting pissed off at 4 phone calls. however i don't understand getting pissed off at one.

i also dont think that with the invention of mobile phones, that you would be out of contact for your DC's should you turn the phone off.

Now if you think this is power play.

just turn the phone off.

If it bothers you that much, don't answers the 'phone - leave it up to DH.

Why is it a problem if he rings? What if your DH said to you that he didn't want your parents calling on a particular day? If my DH said that I would be running for the hills!

YABU how controlling are you?!
I can understand not wanting early morning calls but demanding he not call on certain days is just nasty.
Karma will bite you on the arse when it's your turn to be the MIL.

I think you cannot make such a request to the father of your husband and the grandfather of your children. It is very rude. I would be mortified if a future DIL asked me to not phone my DS on a Sunday .

I can understand the annoyance factor, but you shouldn't ask him not to. If it is persistent, I would get DH to answer the phone and say that you have stuff on the cooker etc and that DH would ring back when things had calmed down.

But, in answer to your question, if I had been asked not to call on a Sunday, I wouldn't. But I would be very sad about it and also hurt.

Haha, I can just imagine my husband saying this to my parents...my reaction would not be pretty! He is your husband's dad, and he is lonely...he prob doesn't phone in the week cause everyone is busy etc. If you're busy either ignore the phone , turn the ringer off or just tell him that you'll call back later!

agree with all of the above.

Don't answer the phone. Get Dh to do it.

Just ignore phone ringing if you are in the house on your own.

Simple

I think it very rude to try and control when people can phone. If you don't like it, simply don't answer the phone! I expect he is just lonely-you might be one day.

Oh, I am totally on your page with this. You can't really object if dh feels differently, but otherwise I would just agree with him to unplug the phone until six or eight or whatever- perhaps show willing by calling FIL yourselves, but keep your Sunday peaceful.

YANBU.

I'd be very pissed off if one of my close relations dictated when I could and couldn't phone them. TBH, I think it's really, really rude. After all, he's phoning for a chat and not to harass you for money!

What does your DH think? If I told DH I was asking his parents not to call us on a Sunday, he'd think I'd lost the plot!

I hate talking on the phone so I can sort of see where you are coming from, although it is more about the intrusion on Sundays for you. Have you got an answerphone? Screen his calls and get DH to return them when it is a good time. FIL will soon get bored

Whilst I can understand your annoyance at several seemingly useless phone calls throughout the day, how would you feel if your DIL or SIL asks you not to call them on a Sunday in the future?

You've already said that you know he is lonely, who's to say that he isn;t sufferruing from early stages dementia or having anxiety probelms. What a welcoming DIL you are.

You can always choose to not answer the phone. Take the phone out of the bedroom.

Agree with NeedLawadvice - Karma.

YABU. If iit bothers you that much, let your DH answer. I think its lovely that your FIL wants to be so involved in his sons life.

I appreciate you helping me to see it from the other side.

DH was out both times he rang, this week & last. I told FIL that DH would ring him back later, which he did.

So you think I should be at his beck & call? When I don't want to be?

I think you're being unreasonable and really quite unfair to even suggest this. If it bothers you, let your dh answer the phone. Or leave it off the hook and make sure the Sunday school have your mobile number.

Have just re-read your OP- perhaps you should leave an emergency mobile number with the Sunday school and the other relatives, but don't give it to FIL. That way you'll hear if it's urgent, but be undisturbed otherwise.

Get caller ID and hand the phone to dh on Sundays. Any advantage in a lengthy telephone call on Saturdays passed around the family so he hears from everyone?

Erm, if you like a quiet sunday, cut off from the world and find the phone intrusive, I cant understand why you have not just unplugged it before now as otherwise anyone could call and ruin your quiet day!

Do the n laws live far away? Why not invite them over for lunch/dinner once in a while on a Sunday as you are not succeeding in the demands for FIl not to call on a Sunday so obviosly the poor guy is craving company of some sort.

You don;t have to answer the phone you know, no ones making you. Get an answer phone.

My god, I feel sorry for the man.

In answer to your question, I wouldn't phone, no. I'd be mortified, and embarassed, and sad. But I wouldn't phone.

But I guess your FIL doesn't believe you really begrudge him a chat.

Get an answerphone FFS. Then you can choose whether or not to take a call.