If I was your DIL, and I politely asked you not to phone on a Sunday, would you carry on phoning?

[ilovepiccolina]

FIL is retired, and gets bored. MIL goes to Mass, so he started ringing us a lot on a Sunday, and it started to really stress me out. I realise it's my problem, he doesn't understand why he shouldn't etc., but surely he should respect the request?

I like a nice quiet Sunday. Cut off from the world. I find the phone intrusive. Once he phoned four times, starting at 8.50am - 'What, it's nearly 9 o'clock and you're not up yet? What a waste of a day!' and then, later, when the dch were at Sunday School - a brilliant invention, a whole hour when DH and I could, er, reconnect . The phone is by the bed and DH would feel obliged to answer it: 'If it's a green bird it must be a greenfinch.' etc.

He would ring before lunch when I was cooking, when we were eating, when we were just about to go out for a walk. It got to the point where I had a sort of phobia and was dreading it. And I started turning the phone off but hated it, felt guilty, just in case there was an emergency, or the dch needed collecting, or whatever.

So, with DH's permission, I asked him, politely, if he could leave the phone calls until the evening, because we were always doing something, cooking, eating etc. He was v. surprised, but agreed. It was fine for a year or so, but now he rings every Sunday again. Last week - 12.30, I was cooking while listening to some beautiful music: 'It's been raining all morning. What's the weather like down where you are?Spoilt the mood.

He has other dch to ring ffs, or he can ring on Saturdays, weekdays. I've asked DH to ring him on Saturdays but often he CBA.

Am I weird? I don't want to make a big thing of this with DH in case he thinks I am. But should FIL respect my wishes? He can be nice but is also a bit of a bully. A power thing, do you think?

YANBU

Sounds like you are in need of some space. You have tried to respect his feelings but he doesn't seem to respect yours. He may well be lonely, but there are six other days in the week.

My parents used to ring me every Sunday morning - which at that time was my only day off - and although I love them I used to dread it.

We are all different - you are not wrong to feel the way you do. I agree with some of the others - your DH could answer the phone or phone him the day before.

There are some very judgemental people on this thread. Don't let them send you on a guilt trip.

Phone him first thing, have a nice chat. Get DH to phone before bed and see how his day has been/tell him about yours. In between times use 1471! (or caller ID)

Phone him first at a time of your choosing, have the chat he obviously wants and then use your ansaphone as a filter.

Funny you begrudge time on a Sunday but have got enoughof it on your hands to start a stupid thread on a working day.

YANBU for the reasons already mentioned.

Particularly as he sounds deeply unpleasant.

How long does his wife spend at mass fgs? Even at high mass it's only about an hour and a half and usually in the morning, why is he ringing the OP the rest of the time?

I would unplug the phone if DH and I were 'reconnecting' and ignore it otherwise if it didn't suit me to answer it. I dread my mum ringing as it is never less than an hour's call and Sunday is my only day to do anything, so I try to pre-empt her and ring on a Saturday instead. If your DH can't be arsed to do this, then I don't see why you should have to pick up and speak to his dad.

it never occured to me to ask people not to phone when had babies or sick kids - do people do that as well? some of you sound oppressed by the phone. it actually sounds quite stressful.

yabu

get an answerphone if you don't want to answer it when your DH isn't there.

I think YWNBU when it was lots of calls at inconvenient times, but once? just because it didn't fit in with your ideal of a non-intruded-upon Sunday - that's a bit selfish.

But if someone asked me not to phone on a particular day, I wouldn't. I probably wouldn't phone any other day either unless it was an emergency.

yanbu. I refer to the phone as my annoying 5th child, ( my 4 children aren't annoying you understand ).

My grievance with the phone is that it interupts whatever I am doing "ring ring" (hey over here) "ring ring" ( stop talking to dc2 pick me up) "ring ring" ( you haven't picked me up yet) "ring ring" ( i could be an emergency)"ring ring" ( i said pick me up!!!!) "ring ring" ( no! me me me do something about me ringing 1st )

And when I answer it its my mother ringing for the 22nd (not an exaggeration ) time that day telling me that she was just emptying the dishwasher and has decided to turn out the wardrobe.

She isn't entirley bats and I do like to talk with her, but since it became free to call me its as tho she considers that I am kind of just over her shoulder. When she calls its to talk to me about things that you would normally tell a person only if they were there, like "i've just loaded the dishwasher, or I'm going to pop out in half an hour to go to tescos then i'm going to pop to the bank, pick up the dry cleaning and go to the library and then i'm going to cook you dads tea..... then goes into 20min details of what he's having and why. Ringing me and telling me this random minutai obviously serves some deep seated purpose to her, but i'm not sure what!

And all the time the 4 real children are demanding my attention... "read me a story mum", "can we paint"?...."Need wee wee"! "malk peese"!

Yep, I'd love to destroy my phone....

So just don't answer the phone. Really not seeing the problem. If your DH wants to chat he can answer the phone.

What is it on Mumsnet with people trying to get other people to act the way they want?

Just don't answer the phone on a Sunday then if it is a peaceful day you want. Turn the ringer off.

Why do people get so het up about phones? It is an inanimate object. Nobody is forcing you to answer it.

I never answer mine. Ringer is permanently off.

I wish my own dad would call for a chat sometimes, let alone FIL

It sounds like he's just lonely, why can't your DH speak to him if it bothers you so much? Or how old are your DC? Can't one of them answer it? I would imagine it would make his day to have a chat with a GC.

Yabu. Selfish and controlling. I hope my son doesn't marry a woman who thinks it's her right to dictate when I talk to him.

YABU. If I don't want to take a call I just let it ring. I don't like people phoning in the evening so I don't answer the phone.

I hate the phone too.
I see it as a huge intrusion a lot of the time.
So I unplug it, or just ignore it.
YABU.

YABU. I talk to my parents several times a day. We only live a mile apart, and they ususally visit once a day also. Have a heart. No wonder we have a generation of loneliness, with old folk going to Sainsbury's every day to buy one slice of ham, so that they have a reason to go the next day

This is such a non problem.
Just don't answer it if you are busy or you don't want to.

My mum complains about having to answer the phone all the time and yet jumps up as if her arse is on fire when it rings, interupting conversations and meals.
She sat next to me while we had supper with a face like this when the phone rang and I didn't answer it.
What is the problem, the answerphone will take a message and if I need to phone back I can straight away.
Ifthe children are out and it could be an issue - that is what caller ID is for isn't it?

Just answer it or don't. But if the phone ringing makes you stressy and determined to answer it, that is your issue and no one elses.

We phone my mum early on Sunday morning as I think for some older generations it is a day for family. So we ring, each of the children talk to her, we have a long chat and then I tell her what we are doing for the rest of the day .
I think it makes her feel part of the familys day in a way

I must admit I ahve said the same thing - to FIL and SMIL, to MIL and SFIL and my own mum. When DH was away for 4 months last year, my mum was ringing sometimes 4-5 times aday and MIL and SMIL would too, but I was tired, sore and stressed, and was often in bed by 8m, so I said to them "if you ring after 7.30 I shan't answer". Of course SMIla nd FIL ignored it compeltely..

However, i wouldn't specify not to ring at all on a set day

weird weird wierd, they are FAMILY

sounds like you dont like them tbh

Totally with WingedVictory about the convention of not calling after a certain hour. I still can't shake off the way I was brought up i.e. not to phone anyone after 9pm because people might be asleep and not to ring before a certain time at the weekend. I've had people hang up on me because their favourite TV programme is about to start, and I can't count the times I've had someone say 'I'm actually in the middle of something', so I rarely bother to make social calls now, because it's been made clear to me that I'm disturbing the person I've called.

Whilst I feel YANB totally U, I think you need to perfect a few 'oops, gotta dash' lines! E.g. when you were cooking: 'I can't talk at the moment, I've reached a crucial stage of my recipe' or something. Try enough times and he might get the hint. Clearly it's worked with me - I never bother my friends any more

Just don't answer it.

Either that, or change your sunday morning shag for a saturday night one!