If I was your DIL, and I politely asked you not to phone on a Sunday, would you carry on phoning?

[ilovepiccolina]

FIL is retired, and gets bored. MIL goes to Mass, so he started ringing us a lot on a Sunday, and it started to really stress me out. I realise it's my problem, he doesn't understand why he shouldn't etc., but surely he should respect the request?

I like a nice quiet Sunday. Cut off from the world. I find the phone intrusive. Once he phoned four times, starting at 8.50am - 'What, it's nearly 9 o'clock and you're not up yet? What a waste of a day!' and then, later, when the dch were at Sunday School - a brilliant invention, a whole hour when DH and I could, er, reconnect . The phone is by the bed and DH would feel obliged to answer it: 'If it's a green bird it must be a greenfinch.' etc.

He would ring before lunch when I was cooking, when we were eating, when we were just about to go out for a walk. It got to the point where I had a sort of phobia and was dreading it. And I started turning the phone off but hated it, felt guilty, just in case there was an emergency, or the dch needed collecting, or whatever.

So, with DH's permission, I asked him, politely, if he could leave the phone calls until the evening, because we were always doing something, cooking, eating etc. He was v. surprised, but agreed. It was fine for a year or so, but now he rings every Sunday again. Last week - 12.30, I was cooking while listening to some beautiful music: 'It's been raining all morning. What's the weather like down where you are?Spoilt the mood.

He has other dch to ring ffs, or he can ring on Saturdays, weekdays. I've asked DH to ring him on Saturdays but often he CBA.

Am I weird? I don't want to make a big thing of this with DH in case he thinks I am. But should FIL respect my wishes? He can be nice but is also a bit of a bully. A power thing, do you think?

I guess I just find the whole concept of specific times for phone calls a little odd.

I talk to my mother and sister at least once a day and imagine that I'd want to speak to my dc's fairly often when they're older too.

It just all seems rather sad but as I said it seems as though there's more to it than just a question of phone calls.

If I were your FIL I would ring you loads just to irritate you

Which is maybe what he is doing given your utterly unreasonable request.

Fair enough to say, we like a lie in, would you mind ringing after 10?

NEVER on a Sunday? Dear me.
If you are just diddling about at home, why not?

My DH's parents haven't spoken to him in over four years and made it very clear they were not interested in his children either. You should be pleased that your FIL wants to speak to you and your DH at all! I am sure if you explain about not calling too early in the morning he will be happy to oblige. YABU to expect him not to call at all on a Sunday - it used to be a family day and he is part of your family. One day you will be a MIL and I am sure you would find it dreadful to be told by your DC that you can never call on a Sunday - too hurtful for words!

traceybath I think for a lot of people speaking to one's parents is different to speaking to one's PIL. I really enjoy talking to my Mum on the phone: our calls are interesting and don't go on for ages. My FIl on the other hand will talk for half an hour about what so and so's auntie was seen buying in Morrisons that day. Torture! I am therefore more inclined to pass the phone over to DH at the earliest oportunity. I also don't expect DH to have great long winded calls with my parents as its not the same.

I speak to my mil probably about 3 or 4 times a week - much more often than DH does.

But I like her and want to facilitate good relationships between us all.

I'll go and polish my halo now

I think its ever so sad. I lost my FIL two years ago August and would just love the chance to get 'irriated' by him ringing us.

He is lonely fgs- if you are too selfish to care unplug the phone. The day may come you will feel desperatley sad how you treated him and you wont be able to do a thing to change it.

Agree, Red. OP - he'll be dead in a few years, and then you can have all the peace you want. In the meantime, do him a favour and get an answerphone and caller ID, and then stop making such a song and dance about him phoning you on your precious Sundays.

OP - YANBU. I totally agree with you.

if my DH is being annoying or im feeling unsociable, i should HAVE to talk to him, because lets face it, he could die in a car crash tomorrow.
how old he is is IRRELEVANT.

[just realised i forgot to add that]
[il shut up now]

Calm yourself, Screaming, you're getting way too worked up about this. She should be glad that her DH has a dad who still cares enough about his family to call them, or is able to. At least the OP has the option of caller ID or an answer phone, which as you know are actually very easy to install. If she actually chose the practical route instead of the "woe is me and my spoilt Sundays because the phone rang and disturbed me" one, then he'd soon get the message. I can almost hear the martyred sigh from her up here, as she picks up the phone yet again...

i don't think its unreasonable to be annoyed at being called at 8.50 am on a sunday.

Someone asked if FIL was ill- maybe alzeimers or similar --- implying that, possibly, that is why he does not get the 'please do not phone on a Sunday' message.

So perhaps that might be a way to discourage him -- say innocently to DH, MIL 'Is FIL suffering from Alzeimers / senility / depression? He pbones so often I think he must be confused/ losing his memory / lonely' choose whichever he will absolutely not (being an arrogant type) want to be seen as suffering from.

FWIW, I don't think the OP is being unreasonable to want a bit of peace and quiet on a Sunday. The rest of the week is manic enough after all. If her DH wants to speak to his dad, surely he can answer the phone when he calls, leaving her out of the loop. I have no problem in leaving the phone to ring if I'm not in the mood for talking. Unfortunately, my DCs will answer it, ignore my flailing arms and "I'm not here" expression and gaily pass me the receiver!

But my question is this: how many emergency calls is one realistically likely to receive during the kids' one session at Sunday School? I mean, how risky an activity can it be? Unplug it.

Good grief - it's a phone, not an air raid siren, and this is the 21st century. Live with it, turn the ring volume down, get an answer phone - but to get so het up about a phone? And yes, get your DH to answer the phone. BTW - is Sunday School a creche? I thought it was for kids while their parents were in church?

ScreaminEagle I am with you on the 'X is dead' thing. My mum died 21 years ago - I'd give up most things to be able to speak again. That doesn't mean that I think everyone should be glad they can speak to xyz as they're still here. I'm sorry but it's such a guilt trippy line of reasoning and it means nothing in the context of other people's relationships.

The OP is not specifying times when FIL can call - she's asking for him not to call for a small portion of the week. And, as she said, he's not lonely, he's bored. I think the OP has behaved very reasonably and agree with others that she should get an answerphone so she can screen calls.

Nothing guilt trippy about it - if that's how you choose to interpret it then that's up to you, but you should not apply it to other people's posts.