"a full time mum"

[DuelingFanjo]

said whatsername on Relocationthingy.

Surely you're still a full time mum if you work. You're stull a mum anyway. no?

i say 'duffy' or 'bumpy' or 'I am a bouncy pregnasaurus'

preggers is far too readily comprehendible.

yes Morloth I did!

Oh display Please don't be so disingenuous! I have heard exactly that sentiment many times on here. I don't suppose that is what prompts the use of the term of course but lets not pretend that that isn't the way some MNers think.

I just say I work at home...

I do a bit of cooking, a lot of gardening, Health & safety audits, keep bees, read the Booker prize list, create world book day costumes at short notice, maintain hygiene levels in acceptable range, keep an eye on a 2 & 4 year old, go to a lot of museums and watch HBo dramas

Since I've gone self employed I've learned loads of new things and taught others too.

Saying I work at home, I think just puts me in the same zone as a novelist/ web designer/exciting career option no one told you about at school but appear all the time in smug magazines.

Only down side is have n't worked who to invoice yet.

If you say that a woman who stays at home all day is a 'full time Mum' then you are saying that being at home all day is what defines mothering. To me, that is not what defines mothering.

But if people want to call themselves 'full time mums' it doesn't bother me. I think it sounds a bit silly but I am quite happy for them to continue doing it.

I certainly would not refer to someone that way unless they had used the term first.

display, I've often (not so much on MN) heard SAHM/FTM/as applicable say they just don't understand how anyone can love their children and work full time etc etc. It's obviously total rubbish, but I can see how it makes you more sensitive and object to the perceived implication that you do and care less.

I'm overly sensitive about earning my own money, have always done so until I stopped working last year to be home full time, so I suspect that's why I don't like "unemployed".

"I actually think the term is a bit daft anyway. No-one is always mother to the exclusion of everything else. Presumably you stop being a 'mum' by this definition if you take half an hour to go for a coffee with a friend, or go to an evening class?"

If you have that view then you couldn't ever use "full time" to describe anything you do! You're not a full time teacher if you knock off at 3pm and go home, you're not a full time anything if you have a coffee break during the day?

If you work, you are not doing mothering activities full time, because some of the time you are at work. If you don't have a job other than looking after the children then you do do the mothering activities full time.
Nowhere on this thread is there an implication that your ability to be a mum is affected by whatever choice you make.

No that doesn't work either display I don't have any "job" other than mothering, but DS is at school 6 hours a day.

MisSal [confused}
I haven't said anything about not understanding why anyone would work if they have children but nor have I seen any other post saying that.
Please explain your post

display- I'm not sure if you read the rest of my most or not.
My colleague was certainly using the term to imply that his wife/ their family was superior to me/ mine.
I don't think he can be the only person that thinks in this way, even if no Mnetters do (which I somehow doubt)

The term working mother doesn't bother me, even though I don't do paid work and could percieve it as implying I don't do any work (albeit unpaid).

well that was a bit of waste of time reading the thread up until the 13.34 post -so flipping predictable.

I'm a full time mum, part time student, and part time director of music, and lazy slattern.............

depending on who I'm talking to

Pag - you made me PMSL with your "idle rich" post

display - no, I don't mean you said or thought it, but it is sadly a too common view. A lot of people do unfortunately believe and say that, especially when the move is voluntarily, working full time when having small children is selfish and somehow indicative of how good a mother you are.

It was in response to this part of your post:
"But where are the implications coming from? No "SAHMs" on here are saying that if you work you aren't a proper mum. "

"Presumably you stop being a 'mum' by this definition if you take half an hour to go for a coffee with a friend, or go to an evening class?""

hell yeah - espeically if the DS's are with someone (very close friend or their dad) who I know will take good care of them no matter what happens with 'em) - I take my "mum" hat off then and am.........well one of the other things I mentioned

By displayuntilbestbefore Tue 02-Mar-10 13:06:21
grin

As soon as rockinhippy typed it, I did wonder if anyone would seriously take her up on it!

It's sad if so many women are trying to find ways of describing what they do to make it sound better than they think it is. I am not ashamed to do what I do and I don't get bothered by what others want to call themselves.
I only dislike the term SAHM because it was made up by people to appease the people who have a problem with the term "full time mum" which to me is a perfectly acceptable way to describe someone who spends full time hours in a mother role.

, thats a bit of a HUYOA reply isn't it?? ...... I was been tongue in cheek, but for those who need a label, it is IMO a preferable one, it made me laugh at least...& as SAHM, or FTM, ARE whether we like it or not,too often used in a derogatory manner, thats been my experience at least.......people can & do often either presume you are just another dole scrounger, Kept woman or generally not capable of anything more (ITO)

Whether we like it or not, plenty of people DO define us...ie EVERYONE, parent or not, by what we do, & again, like it or not, plenty also see SAHMs as cop out merchants, ....... IMO usually pretty insecure people tend to do this, so nothing I ever take seriously, but its fact

The phrase Profesional Mum, was used recently by a WM friend, whilst slating some the other Mums at her DC School...... IE, those Proffessional Mums make me sick, always in with the homework & home made cakes, costumes etc & generally looking down there noses at the rest of us who still have a life outside our Kids.......admittedly, her DC School is well known as been Yummy Mummy, competitive city, but it made me laugh, especially as she had forgotten I fit that label now too

Personally I DGAF, & on the odd occasion I have been introduced to someone who is blatantly pompous & insecure & lets face it, they are usually type who will follow up an introduction with "so what do you do"......I have been known to reply "eat sh!t f@rt breathe, & you?

Orm -
disingenuous ?
I can't see anywhere where I have been insincere, if anything I am often a little too frank
Yes, there are MNers who think that way but I don't.
I also don't think for a minute that for every SAHM who thinks their way is better than a WOHM there aren't the same number of WOHMs who think that they are superior! There will always be people who think their way is the best but I can assure you, Orm, there was nothing disingenuous about my posts as I honestly couldn't care less what other people do in terms of working or staying at home, I am only interested in what me and my family do because what's best for one family isn't best for another!
I was, however, rather silly to think that things might not disintegrate into the regular SAHM vs WOHM arguments

rockinhippy - HUYOA?
I don't understand why people have to give themselves labels for what they do instead of just saying what they do. Doesn't mean my head's up my own arse!

......... I meant HUPYOA for seemingly taking it so seriously.......

people WILL always label things, whether we do it ourselves, or let others do it for us...thats just life,...... its how the label is meant, & more importantly how seriously we take it that really counts.........often its just a turn of phrase to make conversation easier. but some will use it as a put down, usually IMO due to there own insecurities & need to feel higher up the proverbial pecking order.......so I like professional Mum..... it made me laugh, so figured I'd adopt it ....

rockinhippy

I shall make a nameplate for my front door with 'professional mum' and my name with various letters after it and polish it daily

lol.......Great idea ..... think I'll get myself one of those too ..... we can give ourselves an MBE (Mum Before Everything) & maybe QC (Quality Children)

(Thats not to say WMs do any less, I've been both sides of the fence, & both have their pros & cons

No,No rockin - you're not allowed to be able to see it from both sides - that's where I came unstuck. You have to pick your side of the fence and stick to it

...Nah....that sounds way too conformist for my liking...lol

When asked what I do I say 'I have four children'.....
What did you do before children 'took lots of recreational drugs and partied'.

I'm a registered childminder so I'm both (full time worker and full time mum) so don't have a problem with this but if I was lucky enough to not have to work and just stay at home looking after my own children then I really don't think it would bother me what I was called. I think I was referred to as a 'housewife' after ds1 (before childminding) but never thought anything of it. Having said that, I wouldn't say I did a massive amount of 'housey' stuff at the time lol.